My mother is a naturally affectionate woman. Some would call it smother-love, but I actually liked whenever she threw her arms around me and cleaved me to her full-bodied bosom, which she did now.
You’d think she hadn’t seen me in a decade from the force of the hug.
“Mia bella ragazza. How you doin’ today?” She turned to the due donne spettegolare – two gossiping ladies – and asked, “You know my Madonna, no?”
I plastered a huge, totally fake smile on my face, nodded at the two women and said, “Buon giorno.” Before they could even reply I said to mama, “Can I see you privately for a sec in my office? I’ve got something to show you.”
Her wide, expressive eyes narrowed and she pursed her plump lips at me. “Wha’?”
I squeezed her waist and whispered, “It’s a surprise.”
“For me?”
Nodding, I said, “Excuse us, ladies,” and then propelled my mother away from them.
“What kind of surprise, bambina?”
“Wait.”
She hemmed and hawed the whole way through the front of the deli and then down the hallway until we came to my office.
As soon as I opened the door my mother spotted Tony. It was impossible not to because he truly filled the room. As I had earlier when I’d found him sprawled on my couch, my mother stopped short at the doorway, her hand flying to her heart exactly as mine had.
“Mama, you remember Tony Roma. You were out when he stopped by the house the other day to talk to daddy.”
From her position, she squinted at him, her gaze dragging from his head, then down his torso to his toes. When it pulled back up to his eyes, she smiled, cocked her head and even batted her heavily mascara-ed eyelashes at him.
“I’d know it was you anywhere, Antonio Roma. Gorgeous as always and still breaking hearts everywhere, I’ll bet.”
“Mrs. S. As beautiful as ever.” The room had no window, but it was as if a hole had been punched through the roof and sunshine blasted through it when he smiled at her.
“C’mere.” She held her arms open wide and he did as commanded.
When he crossed to be enveloped in her hug the expression on his face was priceless. He may be posing as a thug-wannabe but when he went into her arms he looked like a happy little boy on Christmas morning who’d just found every present he’d asked for waiting under the tree.
I couldn’t help the sigh that broke around my heart. When he looked over her shoulder at me and winked, one very true and unmistakable thought bolted through me so fast and furious, my brain stuttered. I could try and distance myself from him all I wanted, but it would be no use. Tony Roma had not only claimed my virginity all those years ago, but he’d claimed my heart as well, and to this day still had a stronghold on it.
When the realization hit and hit hard, I felt emotion begin to choke me, so before I mortified myself I made a quiet exit, closing the door behind the two of them, then sprinted down the hall to the employee bathroom.
Locked inside, alone and shaking, I gripped the sink edge and bent at the waist until my face was almost kissing the porcelain rim. My pulse raced and I couldn’t catch my breath.
This was bad. Really bad. How was I supposed to work alongside him day after day and not divulge what he did to me? Prevent how my sense of sanity and emotional balance went cockeyed? Be in the same room with him and not want to jump his bones at every chance?
I’d adopted a hard, take no prisoners shell throughout the years as a way of coping with my obnoxious brothers and crazy family so I could protect myself against being hurt and embarrassed.
And it had worked.
I was respected by my employees, looked up to by my female cousins, and my parents adored me – no hubris there because they really did. But I knew the reputation I had with my brother’s friends and all the guys in my family’s realm. I was a ball buster; a wise cracker; a girl you could have a beer with but wouldn’t want to marry because she’d fight you to wear the pants in the family.
Yeah, I know. Archaic and a smidge misogynistic thinking, but hey – this is the world I inhabited. The only one I’d ever known. The only one I ever would know.
No one realized that deep down I was a lonely girl who wanted a man to love her more than anything, treat her like a queen (and an equal partner), and want to spend eternity committed to her. A girl who believed in fairy tales and happily ever after. A girl who, simply, wanted to be someone’s soul mate and person.
I’d dated of course. But no man had ever done more than buy me a nice dinner or take me to a movie. By the time I’d turned 30 all the girls I’d gone to school with were all married, some of them on their second, even third trip down the aisle, had kids and the life I’d longed for.
I blew out a few breaths and when I was convinced I wouldn’t pass out or throw up, stood tall again and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the sink.
Feral dogs in the wild looked better than I did right now. I took a few minutes to finger comb my hair, then splashed some cold water on my pale cheeks. When I was convinced I was as good as I was going to get without the benefit of cosmetics or creams, I took a big girl breath and headed back to my office.
Mama and Tony were sitting on the couch together. From the look of it, Mama was in full tell-me-all-your-secrets mode. For a hot second I pitied Tony.
But only for a hot second.
“Bambina, where’d you go?”
“I had to take care of something. Listen, Mama, let me take you home. The store’s okay and I know you’ve got stuff to do.”
My mother nodded and stood, Tony following suit.
“I do. A million things. But you don’t have to worry about me getting home. Antonio’s gonna give me a ride.”
“You don’t mind?” I asked him.
With a shake of his head, he told me, “Not at all.” He turned to my mother and grinned. “It’ll be my pleasure.”
She reached out and socked him in the upper arm. It was meant playfully I know, but I’d been on the receiving end of those hits a time or two in my life and my mother was strong. Came from all those years of rolling out pasta dough. The tiny wince pulling at a corner of Tony’s kissable mouth proved she’d gotten some weight behind the hit.
Mama tugged her fur coat off the chair and Tony helped her into it. Really, the guy had the best manners of anyone I knew. If it had been one of my brothers taking her home they’d have been waiting in the car for her while she fended for herself, tooted the horn to move her along, then complained she was moving as slow as fresh mozzarella through cheesecloth.
“You’re coming to dinner tonight, right?” Mama asked after kissing both my cheeks. “I’ve got a pork loin in the slow cooker and I’m making macaroni with it.”
“Right after work. I’m gonna stop by Regina’s bakery first. Want cheesecake for dessert or éclairs?”
“Éclairs. Margaret Rose is bringing a cheesecake and Lisa made cookies. That should be enough, no?”
“Will you be coming back today?” I asked Tony as he shrugged into his leather jacket. Mama excused herself to go say goodbye to daddy.
“I’m not sure. It depends. I’ve gotta do a few things. I don’t know how long it’ll be.”