My first day at senior year started with a disaster, but nothing will take Cambridge away from me.
I retrieve my books and tasks organised in Eizinhower’s method and dive into it.
For thirty minutes, my mind is tuned to studying. Then, I start drifting.
The pen grazes my bottom lip as my thoughts spiral into directions they shouldn’t.
Even when I want to forget, my body has a memory of its own. My body still remembers how Aiden held me. How he was hard because I struggled.
My eyes still remember that dark, bottomless emptiness and disregard.
If I didn’t cry, what would he have done?
A shudder goes through me at the thought.
In old Chinese war books, it’s said that the best way to understand someone is to see things from their perspective. To think as they do.
There’s no way in hell I’m doing that with Aiden.
Depraved bullies don’t deserve to be understood.
After being singled out as an outcast, I thought that one day, karma would bite bastards like Aiden in the arse and he’d stop tormenting my existence in RES.
I was only fooling myself.
Aiden might be a psycho, but he’s a smart one. He knows when to push buttons and when to step back.
He took me by surprise today.
Ha, understatement of the freaking century there.
He rattled me.
He shook my world.
He made me doubt myself.
Since he kept his distance for two years, I never thought he’d get close. That close.
I’m still all too confused about what I felt. What I feel. And whatever dream – or nightmare – I just had.
I know for sure that he took something he had no right to take and that I fucking hate him for it.
But more than him, I hate myself for letting him take it.
A knock sounds on the door. I startle, biting the pen and my lip.
Ow.
I smother my expression. “Come in.”
Aunt and Uncle walk inside, both of them still wearing their work suits.
When Aunt Blair leans in for a hug, I stand up and remain in her embrace for a bit too long. Beneath the cherry perfume, she has Mum’s scent. Something that resembles cotton candies and summer.
I don’t know why I’m thinking about that right now when I don’t even remember my mum.
Today, I miss her.
I miss the life that I don’t remember.
Reluctantly, I pull away from Aunt and hug Uncle Jaxon. He plants a kiss at the top of my head.
Uncle is classically handsome with brownish blonde hair and cobalt blue eyes.
Although his build is above average, he has a beer belly.
“I called and you didn’t pick up.” Aunt studies my face in that scrutinising way that brings her clients to their knees.
It’s like she’s detecting the lie before I even say it.
“Sorry, I forgot it.”
“I called the school,” she says. “They said you went home?”
“I…” Darn. I didn’t think that far when I left. “I didn’t feel so good.”
Uncle Jaxon looms over me, his forehead creasing. “Are you having palpitations, pumpkin?”
“No.” I force a smile and hope to hell they believe it. “I just had a headache and wanted to come home and rest. Sorry I didn’t call you.”
“We were so worried about you, honey.” Aunt smooths my hair back. “I came home to check on you earlier, but you were asleep.”
“I told you she would be fine.” Uncle chimed in. “Where did you forget your phone?”
“At... school.”
Real classy, Elsa. I’m shooting one freaking lie after the other.
It hurts to lie to them, but I’d rather die than put Aunt and Uncle’s company in jeopardy.
Their names and Aiden fucking King’s name shouldn’t exist in the same sentence.
Aunt continues scrutinising me and checking me up and down like she’s expecting me to collapse any second. “A headache out of nowhere is suspicious. Maybe we should visit Dr Albert.”
“It’s just a headache, Blair,” Uncle says on my behalf.
“Headaches are symptoms for the nastiest diseases, Jaxon.” She scolds.
“One of them is simple fatigue.”
“I’m fine, really,” I chime in, not wanting them to argue. “I’m just going to study for a bit and have an early night.”
“Dinner first, pumpkin. And we should play a chess game.” Uncle hooks me under his arm and drags me out of the room. He asks about my first day and tells me a joke about a worker of theirs. He almost fainted when he got a phone call that his wife was in labour.
Uncle Jaxon has a way of lightening up the mood, and I smile along.
Aunt follows, but she’s not amused. She keeps watching me intently as if trying to see through me.
Once we arrive at the kitchen, I smile. “Aunt, do you have time for some yoga? It helps with headaches.”
“Hell yeah.” She chuckles then her smile dies. “I’m sorry I haven’t had much time for our girls’ time, hon.”
I shake my head and say in a mocking tone, “Nah, it’s for the best. Too much girls’ time would distract me from Cambridge.”
Aunt busies herself behind the counter and I slide to an empty stool. Uncle comes behind me and massages my shoulders. “I’m going to coach you so well for Cambridge, pumpkin.”
Aunt rolls her eyes. “This isn’t a Premier League game, Jaxon.”
“Ignore her.” Uncle leans in to whisper, “I’ve got tickets for Arsenal’s game next week. Guess who’s asking you on a date?”
My chest flutters with excitement. I hate our school’s football team, or more specifically, I hate the arseholes who play in it, but I love the game. Uncle converted me to the dark side and turned me into a Gunner — Arsenal’s diehard fan.
“You better not be asking her to abandon her studies to go to some stupid game.”
“Of course not,” Uncle and I say at the same time, then he snorts and I can’t help but laugh, too.
Aunt folds her arms and taps her foot on the floor.
Uncle and I busy ourselves with retrieving vegetables from the refrigerator while trying to suppress our laughter.
“Teamwork,” Uncle and I murmur to each other.
For the moment, just this moment, I forget what happened today.
Or I try to, anyway.
In the morning, Aunt drives me to school on her way to work.
I kept recalling yesterday for the entire night and contemplated not showing up today. But then, I had a serious angry session with myself.
No one — Aiden included — will break me.
My early childhood didn’t and he certainly fucking wouldn’t.
I just have to be smart about dealing with him. Like avoiding the shit out of him and go back to glaring from afar.
I wave at my aunt and stride into the school with my head held high like usual.
The taunts begin, but I don’t let them rattle me.
A little voice in my head whispers at them.
Run along, kids, your little pranks are nothing compared to Aiden’s depravity.
Despite my pep talk this morning that gave me much needed courage, a tremor shoots down my limbs the closer I approach the class.
I’ll see him again. I’ll see those demon eyes.