She’d only seen Lucian’s rare half-smiles a handful of times, and a true smile once. Otherwise it was all broody glowers and dark scowls.
“When he looks at you.”
Effie snorted. “I doubt that.”
Reyna’s eyes glowed with amusement. “You should bed that man, and soon, lest he start setting the rest of us on fire with the smoldering looks he sends your way when you aren’t paying attention.”
Effie sputtered, not sure how to begin responding to that statement. Or what to think about the warmth that unfurled low in her stomach at Reyna’s assessment.
Reyna laughed, the husky sound catching the attention of Ronan, who sat on her other side, and a few other males seated along their table.
“Speak for yourself,” Effie murmured, missing none of the heat in her friend’s eyes as he stared at the Night Stalker.
Reyna’s smile was pure alpha female as she replied, “I’m working on it. True prizes require a proper hunt.”
Effie let out a startled laugh. “Does he know that?”
Reyna lifted her shoulder in a shrug. “The ground has been laid and things are progressing nicely.”
Effie chuckled, loving the thought of big, badass Ronan being pursued. He’d had his heart broken by his longtime lover and deserved to be with someone who could truly appreciate him.
“If you hurt him, there’s more than one person you’re going to have to answer to,” Effie murmured, not hiding the slight edge to her voice.
Reyna’s eyebrows lifted. “Warning received, Keeper.”
Effie nodded, letting her smile return.
“So is the reason you keep your Guardian at bay because you’re harboring feelings for the blond one?” Reyna asked, after taking a bite of her food.
Cheeks burning, Effie scanned the dining room, ensuring that no one, especially a certain blond tutor, had overheard the question. Thankfully, Kieran was still nowhere to be found, and the others were all focused elsewhere.
“Not quite,” Effie gritted out.
“Explain,” Reyna ordered, washing her food down with some berry cider.
“It’s . . .” she paused, searching for a word, and finally sighed, “complicated.”
Reyna’s intense gaze said she wasn’t letting Effie off that easily.
“Kieran thinks himself in love with me. He’s made it abundantly clear that our futures are interwoven and we will end up together. He’s been . . . single-minded in his pursuit of me,” she explained, her voice low.
“And this is a problem because you do not return his feelings?” Reyna guessed, taking another sip.
Effie shrugged. “He’s handsome enough, even kind sometimes, but—”
“But a certain dark-eyed Guardian has caught your attention?”
The flush that crept up her neck gave her away.
“So if he’s the one that you really want, what’s holding you back?” Reyna asked, not beating around the bush.
“I came to the citadel to learn how to interpret my visions and help end the war. I shouldn’t be distracted by either of them. Besides, Darrin—”
“Is dead,” Reyna said bluntly. “You are not. No one expects you to live your life in mourning for the man, Effie. Least of all him. He’d want you to find happiness. Especially with none of us knowing how long we might have left.”
Effie’s mouth fell closed and some of the weight she hadn’t realized she’d been carrying eased. Reyna’s permission helped wipe out the guilt that had plagued her since her drunken liaisons. It had felt like a betrayal of Darrin’s sacrifice to want anyone, especially for that one moment with Kieran when he’d felt like a stand-in for the man she’d once loved.
No one would ever replace Darrin. He would always be her first love, and if he was alive, they’d probably still be together. But he wasn’t. Just as she wasn’t the same girl she’d been when they first met. With all that had happened leading up to and after his death, she was another woman entirely now. It only made sense that she needed a different kind of partner. Darrin was perfect for who she used to be, but not even he would have been a match for who she’d become. Whoever she gave her heart to now would have to be strong enough to help her on this journey without growing to resent her evolution.
Taking a sip of her punch—she was staying far away from anything with alcohol for the foreseeable future—Effie admitted, “Even if I still entertained the idea of pursuing something with Kieran, I could never be with him. He’s too caught up on who he thinks I am and doesn’t see the real me. It would never work. I’d be a constant disappointment to him.”
“And Lucian?” Reyna asked.
Effie glanced at her Guardian, whose head lifted as if he sensed her eyes on him. They stared at each other for one heartbeat, two . . . and then his lips curled in a slow smile she found herself shyly returning.
“He sees right through me,” Effie murmured, dragging her eyes back to Reyna. “And he doesn’t hesitate to call me out on my nonsense. He pushes me, but also knows when to give me space to try something on my own, even if he knows I might fail.”
“So what are you doing still sitting over here talking to me?”
Eyes dropping to her lap, Effie stared at her hands. “It would never work between us.”
“Why not?”
“He’s immortal, for one, not to mention sworn to the Triumvirate.”
“I fail to see how immortality is an issue. So he lives longer than you? I doubt it’s the first time he’s done so. Besides, that is true of almost all couples.”
Effie’s stomach clenched at the thought of Lucian with another.
Reyna’s voice was thoughtful as she continued, “As for the second concern, last I heard, he was your Guardian.”
Effie looked up. “He’s made no vows to me.”
“Perhaps not directly, but he’s claimed you as his all the same. From what I know of the Brotherhood, they do not do so lightly. Their duty is their life.”
“I don’t want to be his duty,” Effie muttered, making a face.
Reyna laughed. “What do you want to be then, Effie?”
His.
The thought shocked her with the amount of longing it brought to the surface. Until now she hadn’t considered her feelings anything more than misplaced attraction, a side effect of everything else she was going through. Uncomfortable at times, but easily dealt with and overcome. Now she wasn’t so sure.
Somewhere between his subtle touches, lingering glances, and the way he’d reacted when he thought Kieran might have hurt her, something had shifted. Mere attraction had turned into something much more complicated and unyielding.
It made no sense; Lucian was nothing like the man she envisioned the few times she’d allowed herself to dream of a future. Effie always thought she’d end up with someone gentle. A man that would hold her tenderly and offer sweet words of praise when she made him dinner.
Nothing about that scenario fit Lucian . . . or her, if she was being honest with herself. Not anymore.
“Effie?” Reyna prompted.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said finally.
“Yes, it does,” Reyna insisted, placing her hand over Effie’s. “It matters very much. You have just as much right to have what you want as the rest of us. Maybe more.”