9
Cristina
I take a chair into the bathroom and lodge it under the doorknob, hoping it will keep out anyone who might try to come in. I can’t get this dress off fast enough. Can’t get under the burning hot water of the shower soon enough to scrub off their hands, their kisses.
I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life. And I’ve never felt so disgusted.
I want to peel my skin off. I swear I can still smell the old man’s breath on me. Death and hate. That’s what he smells like.
Lucas kissing me on my mouth? I can’t even begin to understand what he was thinking. Then their conversation about rules after Elise showed them the sheet?
I scrub my face, pressing the heels of my hands into my eyes.
God. She showed them the sheet.
I don’t understand.
Even under the hot flow of water, I’m shaking. Freezing. I switch it off and dry myself with a towel, then put on the thick robe hanging behind the door.
I dislodge the chair, walk back into my room, and take a deep breath in, forcing it out slowly.
The phone. It was in his pocket. Did he put his jacket on before going downstairs? I can’t remember.
I open the door between our rooms tentatively but find it empty. A lamp shines on the nightstand at the far end of the freshly made bed. I guess Elise did that before taking the bloody sheet downstairs.
Did he know she’d do that?
And what if I wasn’t a virgin? What would have happened then?
The whole thing makes me nauseous.
I find Damian’s jacket hanging off the back of a chair. Grateful for that, I hurry to it, patting the pockets until I find the one with the phone. I slip my hand inside, relieved when I lift it out and see it’s mine.
Upon my return to my own room, I spot Damian’s bottle of whiskey. Without hesitating, I grab it by the neck and hurry back to my room, closing the door behind me.
I don’t like whiskey and have never been a big drinker, but tonight is a good time to start.
Twisting off the lid, I take a sip directly from the almost full bottle before setting it on the floor. Sitting down beside it, my back against the bed, I hold my hands out in front of me.
They’re shaking. I’m trembling.
I look at the phone, my one solace. Although it’s late, I dial Liam’s number.
The phone barely rings once before he picks up. I’m not surprised. He rarely sleeps.
“Cristina?”
“Hey.” There’s a long pause as I try not to cry. “You weren’t sleeping, I guess?” I ask, feeling my voice tremble.
“Sleep is overrated. Are you okay?”
I nod, wanting to say I am, but I’m not, and I can’t really speak for a long minute.
Tonight broke me a little. Not the wedding. Not even after, in Damian’s bed. He was gentle. Or tried to be. As gentle as a man like him can be, I think. I do believe he was taking care with me.
But then after? What happened downstairs broke something inside me. Broke the hope inside me.
“I don’t think I can do this.” I drop my head into my knees.
“Cristina. Fuck. Talk to me.”
“It’s done.”
He’s quiet for a long minute. “You had no choice. You have to do whatever it takes to survive now, Cristina. Whatever it takes.”
“He said he’d let me go if I give him what he wants. That’s why I did it.” I feel ashamed to tell him. I feel weak. I shake my head, force my tears back. “His family…they’re all here, and they hate me, and…” My voice breaks into a sob.
“Listen to me, Cristina.”
Unable to speak, I nod through a choked breath, but he can’t see that.
“Are you listening? Are you still there?”
“I’m here.”
“You can’t let them get to you. You need to be strong.”
“But I’m not strong, Liam.”
“Tell me again what he said. Word for word.” When I don’t reply, he fills in for me. “He said he’d let you go?”
“Yes.”
“Good. That’s something. Did he hurt you? Tonight, I mean. Did he make you—”
“No.” Is it a lie? He didn’t make me do anything. But I feel too ashamed to tell Liam that the marriage has been consummated.
He exhales in relief. “Is he cruel to you?”
“Yes. No, not cruel, no.”
“Good. The rest of them don’t matter. He’s the one you have to focus on. He’s the one who decides.”
“I’m so scared.”
“He let us see each other. That’s something, Cristina. He did that for you.”
“No, he didn’t. He wanted something from me.”
“He can take anything he wants. He did it for you. You have to think about that. Focus on that.”
“What do you mean? How?”
“I mean he’s human. He has chinks in his armor, and you’re going to need to use his weaknesses against him. Against them all.”
I straighten, feeling a little better.
He’s right that Damian did what he did for me, for some strange reason. I don’t know why he doesn’t just take. And I don’t believe him that he feels badly about me and has since that night he intercepted me in the hallway when my father was killed.
“He hates his family too,” I say. “I know it. I see it. Feel it even. And I think they hate him.”
“Good. Then you’ll use that against him too. You’ll get close to him. Make him care about you. Make him trust you.”
“He won’t care about me.”
“He already does.”
No. That’s not right. “I don’t understand what he wants. Why he’d go against his family and let me go.”
“He and his brother haven’t been close in a long time. Since they were teens from what I’m learning. His sister, Michela, she ran away to get married and only returned to the house recently after her husband died. And only when she was destitute. And the father, he has cancer. I’m surprised he isn’t dead already, considering.”
“He’s a terrible man. Evil like that doesn’t die.”
“I do know that Damian was very close to his mother and sister, both of whom he lost in the accident.”
“But wouldn’t that only make him hate me more?”
“He’s a man, Cristina.”
“What does that mean?”
“Do I have to spell it out?” he pauses, and I can almost feel him roll his eyes. “You’re a beautiful woman. I know guys. He has a soft spot for you. A weakness. You have to focus on that.”
“I don’t think that’s right.”
“Trust me. I’ve seen how he looks at you.”
“Okay.” I don’t really know if I believe him but it gives me a little strength, at least.
“Did you know he was driving the night of the accident?”
“I just found out.”
“I wonder if his father blames him in some way too, in addition to blaming your father.”
“That would explain at least in part why they are how they are. Lucas blames Damian for sure. He made a comment about it.”