“It’s not an obsession!” I snapped. “He was right here!”
I nodded in contrast to his shaking head.
“I mean it, Tristan, He was HERE.”
“And I mean it, Lainey. He wasn’t.”
My head was swirling from the coke, but it wasn’t a hallucination. There was no way it was a hallucination. He’d been wearing glasses, and some weird dumbed-down outfit, but I knew his touch, and I knew his stare, and I knew his breath – all of him seared into my soul in a few short minutes just days before.
Tristan leaned in close again. “Did you tell anyone about this? About you coming here tonight?” I heard him groan. “Please tell me you didn’t…”
“No,” I said. “I didn’t. I didn’t tell anyone.”
“So, how did it happen, then?” he asked. “How the fuck would Lucian Morelli know to come here if nobody in the world knew you were coming? I sure as hell didn’t tell anyone you’d be here. Not anyone except Blue Hawk.”
“Maybe he told someone.”
He sighed. “I didn’t tell him your name, Lainey. There’s no way he could have told anyone, even if he’d wanted to.”
He had a point. Even though my heart was racing, I knew he had a point.
He squeezed my arm. “I guess it was someone who looked like him. Must’ve been hard to see.”
“Maybe,” I said, but I didn’t believe it. My heart wouldn’t let me.
“Maybe you’re crapping yourself about seeing him again. Maybe that’s what this is. Some crazy freak-out.”
Crazy me, yeah. I wished I believed that, but no. There was no way I was imagining him out of fear. My heart was still thumping as my mind churned. No. There was also no way it was some lookalike. Not with that touch, not with that scent, not with that look in his eyes.
I was still scanning the room with my breath catching in my throat when Blue Hawk let out a goodnight and lifted his arms to the sky.
Tristan grabbed hold of my shoulders as the crowd began to bustle, and I jumped, hard enough that he sighed at me.
“Like I said, maybe you’re crapping yourself.”
I forced myself into some kind of rationality. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
I could hear the relief in his voice. “Good. Like I said, maybe you could go back to Dr. Karlin. Surely, it would have to help now, more than ever.”
My tummy flipped at the thought. No. It wouldn’t help me. Nobody digging into the pits of my soul would help me. It was untouchable. It needed to be untouchable.
Secrets. Scary, dirty secrets.
As usual, I forced a smile and changed the subject.
“Let’s get to your conquest backstage, then. Don’t want to miss out on his dick, do you?”
Tristan rolled his eyes. “His dick isn’t worth watching you fuck yourself up over the biggest asshole on the planet.”
I felt the rage burning up in my ribs. “I wouldn’t. I told you, I won’t go near him!”
He didn’t believe me. I could feel it. I could see it.
“I mean it!” I insisted. “I won’t go near him. I damn well promised you I wouldn’t.”
The crowd bustled around us, people heading to either the bar or the main entrance. Tristan took hold of me again, to stop me getting caught up in the movement.
“Damn well promise me that a damn promise to me isn’t the only thing holding you back from that monster.”
I laughed in his face. “Even you can’t think I’m that insane. Even I can’t believe I’m that insane.”
He seemed to take my assurance as solid enough to laugh back. “Thank fuck for that.”
With that, he grabbed my hand and started making his move towards the door at the side of the stage, and I tried to believe my certainty as much as he had. I mean, I had to be slightly rational, even through the madness of my mind. Because he was right. He had to be right. There was no way Lucian Morelli could possibly be in the place, no way, no chance. Plus, there was no way I could ever want him, not with any part of me. Not ever.
I was forcing my racing heart to slow down, even amongst the pulse of cocaine through my veins. I was telling myself I was a hallucinating idiot, who had imagined a load of bullshit out of nowhere. Maybe just a guy with dark hair and eyes who reminded me of the beast at the ball. I mean, Stephen on stage reminded me of Lucian Morelli, right? Surely there were plenty more guys who would remind me of the monster.
We were almost at the side of the stage when I flashed one final look around the dancefloor, scanning the jostle of bodies one last time before Tristan raised his hand to the security man guarding the back rooms. The guy waved us through and Tristan was tugging me, rattling me on my stilettos as he raced us on our way to Blue Hawk.
And there he was again. The monster, at the far side of the stage, with his monstrous glare fixed on me.
Yes.
Yes.
I knew it.
My soul cried out. My whole body tensed and tingled. Because it was him. It was truly him.
It was Lucian Morelli staring back at me.
“Wait!” I hissed at Tristan. “Please, Tristan! Just fucking wait! He’s right there!”
But no.
It’d been years since Tristan had used the force of his frame against me, looming so tall over mine. He tugged me along with him, and I tried to yank him back, but his motion was too intense, jolting me straight into his chest and along with him through the backstage doorway.
“Enough!” he said, and held me tight. “I mean it, Elaine. Just fucking enough! Stop losing your head over Lucian fucking Morelli, or I’ll have to do something! I’ll have to warn someone, just to make sure you stand a chance of staying the fuck alive!”
His words were enough to stop me in my tracks, and I gulped in one hell of a breath at the thought.
He was scared for me, his arms tense. Petrified for my life, desperate to keep me safe, even if it cost me an ocean of hell all around me.
And he was right.
He was right to be petrified for me. If Lucian Morelli was committed to chasing me down enough to head into a downtown venue he’d normally turn his nose up at, then there was no way I’d make it out of his hunt alive.
I needed cocaine. Cocaine and champagne. At least there was a chance Blue Hawk would have a decent damn bottle of fizz backstage.
I made myself laugh, pasting on as happy a smile as I could manage.
“You’re right,” I told him and made a crazy motion around my head. “Let’s go in and check out your conquest. At least I can gaze at the other Morelli lookalike up close this time.”
Tristan sighed and wrapped his arm around me, then led us to the dressing rooms.
“Gaze at that one as much as you like, just keep your damn head away from the real one.”
9
Lucian
I’d been a ghostly shadow that leapt out to bite her, her eyes open wide as pussy boy tugged her away.
She’d known it was me.
The thrill inside me was magnificent, my mouth watering as I pictured her shock and horror – and something else. I’d felt something else in her stare.
She wanted me.
Just like she had when she was a plaything in my grip at the Constantine ball, she wanted me.