Sophie’s fists clenched. Okay, she wasn’t going to enjoy watching this. There was just no way around it. Kari paused the actors while she adjusted their positions. Jules put down her script so she could reach out and take Micki’s hands, clasping them in hers.
“Raise your hands a little higher?” Kari suggested, walking from one side of the stage to the other. She had to have paced miles across that short expanse this week, tirelessly checking their positioning from every angle.
Jules and Micki did as she’d asked, lifting their clasped hands between them.
Just kiss already. Sophie was dying from the anticipation—and not in a good way.
“Jules, turn toward the audience just a bit more,” Kari said.
Jules adjusted her position, gaze still locked on Micki. There was nothing left for them to do but kiss. The script called for Jules to lean in, pressing her lips briefly against Micki’s. But she didn’t. She stood there for several long seconds, frozen in place. And then she stepped back, releasing Micki’s hands. “I’m sorry. I just…I need a minute.”
Jules rushed off the stage, leaving the rest of the cast staring after her in stunned silence.
6
Jules sat at the makeup table in her dressing room, staring resolutely at herself in the mirror as emotions churned like a turbulent sea inside her. This was a mess—a mess of her own making—and since there was no way out of it, she was just going to have to suck it up and get it over with, no matter how uncomfortable it made her. She was a professional, dammit.
There was a light knock at her dressing room door.
“I’ll be right there,” she called, frowning at her reflection.
“It’s me,” Sophie said from the other side of the door.
Jules flinched. Talking to Sophie could either make this less awkward, or…much, much worse. “Come in.”
The door opened, and Sophie stepped through it, shutting it softly behind herself. “Everything okay?”
Jules shrugged, fingers tapping restlessly against the table in front of her. “Just need to get out of my head, I think.”
Sophie leaned a hip against the wall. Her posture was casual, but her eyes were sharp and questioning. “Anything I can help with?”
Jules pressed her fingers over her eyes. How did she tell Sophie—or anyone for that matter—that kissing a woman for the first time felt like an important milestone for her? As she stood there on stage, she just couldn’t imagine sharing that milestone with Micki of all people. Never mind that she didn’t want her first kiss with a woman to be in front of a room full of spectators. Ugh. “No. Thanks, though.”
“Are you weirded out about kissing a woman?” Sophie pressed.
Worse. This conversation was definitely making things worse. Jules stood, turning to face her. Hysteria bubbled in her throat. She really just needed a minute alone to calm herself down before she went back on stage. “Sophie…”
“Look, it’s not that different from kissing a dude,” Sophie said. “Just close your eyes and picture your favorite actor instead of Micki.”
Jules slapped her hands against her thighs as tears pricked at her eyes. “I’m not upset because I don’t want to kiss a woman. I’m upset because I do.”
Sophie froze. “What?”
Jules felt flames licking across her face. Why couldn’t she just turn off her brain, shut her mouth, and do the scene like she was supposed to? This was so ridiculous. And mortifying. She could only remember feeling this embarrassed once before, and it had been a dream, one of those cliché nightmares where she’d gone on stage for her first starring role, only to realize she was standing in front of a packed crowd without any clothes on. She turned toward the wall so she wouldn’t have to face Sophie…or her own reflection.
“Jules…”
“Look, I lied to you that night when I said I’d never thought about kissing a woman, okay? I have. I’ve thought about it.”
Sophie was quiet for a long beat. “You’ve thought about it as in, you were curious? Or as in, you were attracted to a woman?”
“The second.” Jules closed her eyes. Her skin crawled uncomfortably, and her stomach was in knots. She’d never said these words out loud before, and even though she knew Sophie was a safe person to tell, that it didn’t have to go any further than this dressing room, she couldn’t help feeling like everything was different now.
“Okay,” Sophie said evenly. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.”
“Here, come sit with me.” Sophie tugged at her fingers, and Jules followed her to the couch. They sat side by side. Sophie’s expression was gentler now, nothing but kindness and empathy in her eyes.
Jules sucked in a deep breath and blew it out. “I thought I was ready to do the scene, but then, it just felt so…wrong for my first kiss with a woman to be staged, with a crowd watching. And knowing Micki, she’d tell me I was doing it wrong or something. I just…I panicked.”
Sophie nodded. “Okay, I get that. So, am I the first person you’ve talked to about this?”
“Yes.”
She took Jules’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Well, first of all, thank you for trusting me, and second, congratulations. It’s a big step to acknowledge your feelings out loud. I’d love to talk more with you about this, but I don’t think we should keep them waiting upstairs too long. Maybe we could get a drink together after we leave tonight? I mean, only if you want to talk. I could be a good sounding board for you, I think.”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks.” Jules’s cheeks were burning again at Sophie’s words. Yep. It all felt a lot more real now, and she had no idea how to feel about any of it. Maybe talking to Sophie later would be a good idea.
“So, what do you want to do about the scene upstairs with Micki?”
God, it was going to be a thousand times more awkward now. Micki was an out-and-proud lesbian, and something told Jules she’d just love to share her expertise on the subject. Jules pressed a hand over her eyes. “I cannot tell her anything I just told you. I’ve just got to suck it up and get it done.”
Sophie sighed. “Your first kiss should be special, not something you’re dreading.”
“Ideally,” Jules agreed. “But I don’t really have a choice.”
Sophie pressed her lips together in frustration, drawing Jules’s attention to her mouth. If only Sophie had been cast as Melissa. For some reason, kissing her felt way less intimidating.
“Do you think…” Jules blurted, cheeks flaming all over again. “Could I practice with you in here where no one’s watching? And so the first woman I kiss doesn’t have to be Micki?”
Sophie’s eyes rounded. “Oh, um, yeah. We could do that.”
“Is that weird?” Jules looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
“No, it’s not weird,” Sophie said quickly. “You shouldn’t have to do this in front of an audience, or with Micki.”
Jules grinned in spite of herself. “Okay, then.” As first kisses went, she could do a lot worse than Sophie. She was pretty, and funny, and Jules enjoyed her friendship. “Ready?”