She adamantly shook her head. “We have time to work out this problem. There’s no rush. He’s an immortal.”
“It is cruel to Niko and everything he stood for to keep him this way.”
“Stands for,” Gem said. “You were using past tense. Niko’s not dead.”
“It is inhumane and selfish to keep him in a vegetable state.”
“Vegetative.”
“You know what I mean,” he growled, his hand gripping his glass tightly. “Do you think this is easy for me? With each day that passes, Niko is withering away. Soon, he will be nothing but bones on that bed. Core light keeps a Mage from starving to death as a human would, but for how long? This insanity cannot continue. You and I both know that he would not want this.”
She flattened her palms on the table. “You can’t euthanize him like a sick dog! He’s a member of Keystone, and we took an oath to protect each other. Remember? We shared blood on it.”
Viktor’s lips thinned, and he made a fist. “I want more than anything for him to awaken, but we have meddled with power that is far beyond our understanding. What is life without awareness? He is a wise and loyal man, and the world will feel his loss. But consider this: would you want to lie in your bed for weeks on end? How about months? What about years?”
“I’m not done translating. There are spells in that book, Viktor.”
“Da. One that put him in a dark place from which he cannot return. Who is to say what curse the next one will bring? What if he becomes nothing but bones and you find a way to reverse the spell? What kind of horror show will that be?” Viktor stroked his silvery beard, smoothing out the hairs so they were perfectly aligned. “It is the humane thing to do. Raven can steal his light to make him mortal again. Then we wait for his spirit to leave. The other man died immediately. Painlessly. Do you know what that means? The fates do not want them this way. This life is no longer where they are meant to be.”
Gem wanted to surge from her chair and rant, but rolling around on these confounded skates would only upset her. “Niko deserves more than just four weeks.”
“Four weeks might be an eternity for him. He’s trapped somewhere, Gem. He’s a prisoner in the dream world where he never sleeps. He is alone and might go mad in his own thoughts. Is this what you want for him? Is this what he deserves?”
Gem felt a stab in her heart. “No. Of course I don’t want that. I don’t want him to suffer.” She put her head in her hands, listening to the sound of Viktor pouring another glass. “I just want to make it right. I want to fix it.”
“We can make it even more painless,” Viktor offered. “Crush’s companions combed through Cyrus’s apartment and gave me everything of value, including the silver cuff. I know the power it has to suppress gifts and render a person mortal. We can simply put it on him, and Shepherd can administer a painless sedative to…”
“Kill him?” Gem finished for him.
“That is not the word I seek.”
“There’s no right word for what you want to do. It’s murder.”
Viktor pounded his fist on the table and sat back. “And what kind of existence are we giving him? I have toiled over this, but as your leader, the responsibility falls on me. He cannot participate in this life, and he cannot continue his journey to the next. We are selfishly holding him in suspension over a hope that does not exist. We do not understand this magic or the consequences behind using the spells. What if you save Niko and put more people under a curse? I know you have put faith in finding an answer in that book, but you must search your heart and ask if casting another spell is wise. We have great power in our possession, but we are not gods.”
Gem remembered Niko referring to the book as the alpha and omega. She could almost hear his voice, hear him begging her not to hold on. In her heart, she knew Niko wouldn’t have wanted all this, especially if it meant opening the book and using it. The only thing he would have wanted was for her to destroy it.
Viktor knocked back another drink and pushed his empty glass to the side. “You cannot imagine how this pains me. I am supposed to protect my people, but what can I do? How long before what we are doing is cruel punishment? I have to consider how much time has already passed and at what point the true suffering will begin. He has been without food for a month. Shepherd has given him fluids every few days, but that requires me to change his bedding and wash him. Would you strip a man of his dignity?”
Gem shielded her eyes. Viktor’s plan had struck a nerve, and she found it hard to justify. “I’m trying to hear you, but how can you suggest such a thing after everything you’ve told me about how precious life is? How can you throw away his life so soon? Was everything you told me a lie just to get me to work for Keystone?”
“No, little one,” he said in Russian. “You had hope. You just needed someone to show you.”
“You told me to never give up, no matter how bleak things get—that life always changes and presents new opportunities. You have no idea what could happen in three weeks or three years. I won’t give up on him.”
“I’m not giving up. You did what you thought best to save him, and you saved all of us. Cyrus is gone and we are all safe. Maybe this was how it was meant to be. I only want what’s best for Niko. Sometimes we have to put aside our feelings and desires and consider that they are not the ones that count. I have lost sleep for many nights, trying to decide on the right time. He is suffering in physical and spiritual form. We must be ready to let him go. If the fates have a better plan in store for Niko, who are we to hold him here? It is selfish.”
Gem wiped away rogue tears with her hands and met Viktor’s eyes. “Give me one week. That’s all I’m asking for.”
Her lip quivered at what she was agreeing to, but she had a feeling that Viktor would implement his plan regardless of her opinions. He hadn’t invited her here to ask her permission. Niko had dropped weight, and even though they could keep him alive in theory, the thought of him deteriorating was horrifying. He had already grown a thin beard and didn’t look like himself anymore. His ribs were visible, and if she were in his shoes, what would she want Viktor to do? That was when the answer struck her like a hammer. Gem never liked to burden anyone, not even waitresses when they messed up her order. Humans euthanized their pets to end suffering, and they sometimes turned off hospital machines for loved ones who were brain-dead. Was Niko on the other side, begging them to let go? Or did he want to return? It didn’t seem fair to make such an important choice for someone.
“Why did you tell me first? Why not just gather everyone at once and tell us your plans?”
Viktor reached across the table and held her hand. “I know you, little one. You will always feel like you could have done something more, and this will be an unresolved matter. There are burdens we carry in life that are tragic and painful, and we spend centuries dwelling on how we could have made different choices. If you cannot accept that you have done everything you could for him, you will never move forward.”
“That sounds like something Niko would say.”
“Niko was—is—a very wise man. Letting go does not mean giving up. It doesn’t mean you do not care for or love someone. It means you love them more than you love your love for them.”