I turn to shout at my dubious friends. “I KNEW IT! I SO KNEW IT!”
Brandon waves me off with his free hand and chuckles. “You know nothing, Baby Bird.”
He offers no further explanation, and I’m still rattled by the man beside me. I can’t seem to appropriately respond as I see them stroll toward Brandon’s truck.
“Cee, what about being my ride tonight?”
“Whoops,” she hiccups and winks. I shake my head disapprovingly. “Sorry, Hails. I drank too much, and strapping Brandon here is going to give me a ride.”
I roll my eyes. “Or do you mean you’ll be riding him?”
All of them erupt in loud laughter, including Caiden. I meant it as an insult, but a joke works fine, too.
“Oh man, you’re clever, Baby Bi—”
I cut Brandon off with my head shaking in shame. I knew they couldn’t have dropped each other that easily. It’s all over their innate chemistry.
“How am I supposed to get home now?” I shout.
CeeCee giggles. “Caaaiiideennn,” she sings drunkenly. “Give Hailey a ride, will you?”
Caiden doesn’t seem to think twice about it as he replies, “Of course.”
So crisp. Polite, even.
I want to punch him. I don’t know why. It’s irrational, I know. Maybe it’s because, when it comes to Caiden, it’s anything but easy for me.
“Have a good night!” Brandon chirps, and I swear if he had a hat, he would tip it toward us in all his dapper, jerk-like glory.
I’m fuming. I know my anger might be because of the gin, or the beer, or Caiden. Who cares? “I wanna go home.”
“Huh?” Caiden asks, thrown by my words. We both leap at the sound of Brandon’s truck turning on and leaving the parking lot.
“I can’t believe her right now. It’s like she planned this.”
Caiden laughs, and I even hate how much I love the sound. It’s so much deeper than when we were kids, and it causes my skin to tingle. I hate it. I love it. No, no… I hate it.
“She’s a fuckin’ trip. Her and Brandon aren’t together, but they fuck around pretty often.”
I shrug. Talking about someone else is easier to do. “I figured, actually.”
“Yeah, but…” He leans forward, as if he’s telling me a secret. “Brandon’s in love with her, but he hurt her really bad, so she won’t date him again.”
My brows knit together, and it almost feels like old times when we would form our own theories about our friends while sitting on the edge of the lake.
“Newsflash, Caiden: CeeCee’s in love with Brandon, too. She’s just stubborn.”
“How do you know?”
“Because CeeCee plays the slut card well, but she doesn’t actually sleep around. She’s getting her fill of Brandon, pun intended.” I pause to watch Caiden look away to laugh, basking in it a second before continuing, “And she’s just terrified. Brandon can come with a lot of false promises.”
He straightens his posture in defense of his best friend. “He’d prove it to her if she let him.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t work that way.”
“What, are you a specialist in love now?”
I tense as I stare into the eyes of the man who’s unfortunately taken permanent residence in my heart, whether he knows it or not. “I’m anything but. I just know my friends.”
An awkward silence falls between us. We don’t do so well with the love topic.
“You ready to head home?”
I nod.
“We okay, Hailey?”
He’s already walking the opposite direction, as if scared of my answer. I trail after him, not having a clue what he might drive nowadays. His first car was a beat-up red pickup truck.
“Are we, Caiden?” I hum back when we’re finally shoulder to shoulder. I want to ask him how we could possibly be okay when we have each other’s initials tattooed on our bodies forever, but I don’t.
“I knew seeing you was gonna be… interesting. I just didn’t realize I would word vomit everywhere.”
I laugh. Oh, God, I laugh. Then he laughs. Then his deep laughter tangles around mine, and it makes my insides turn to goo. Sweet, delicious, syrupy goo. It’s like I’m sixteen all over again.
I lift a suspicious brow as I clamp my teeth over my bottom lip. “We’ve covered a lot of bases tonight, don’t you think?”
This time his laughter chokes off. “We’ve always been good at covering bases, Hails.”
Lord, help me.
My cheeks pinken, and I must look ridiculous because his elbow comes gently colliding into my side. “Oh, come on. I was joking. You can’t be the only one allowed to freely hand out sexual innuendo-laced jokes. That wouldn’t be fair.”
I wrinkle my nose. “I make the jokes about others, not about us.”
We make it to a navy Ford pickup, shiny and new, but not as ostentatious as Brandon’s monster.
Confidently, he chides, “Let’s not deny we had some good times, Hailey. That would be silly.”
He opens the passenger door, nudging his chin for me to get inside. I might be thankful, because I don’t have it in me to appropriately respond with “That we did,” and instead shoot him a wry smirk as I scoot onto the seat.
Caiden pulls into my gravel driveway. It floods me with memories of doing this exact thing repeatedly, but years ago when we mattered. We don’t matter anymore, or at least I don’t think we do.
By the time he cuts the engine, I’m so rattled by nostalgia that I feel another freak-out coming. “Don’t walk me to my door.”
When his eyes go wide, like I’ve just spoken in tongues, I know my freak-out is uncalled for. I shrug apologetically.
Something about Caiden terrifies me. Maybe it’s because I know he holds all the cards, and maybe it’s also the fact he doesn’t necessarily know that yet. He suffocates me, he always has, and I didn’t know suffocation could be so achingly sweet but still entirely hard to handle.
I reach for the door to leave.
“Hailey, wait—”
It’s too late. I’m already out of his truck and power walking to my front door.
“Have you lost your mind?” he shouts from behind me as I hear his truck door slam shut.
Finally, a question I can answer. I turn around on the second step, my eyes colliding with his. “Actually, I have.” I lift my stare up to the billions of stars that naturally illuminate this place, and the glow of his eyes. “I’m bat shit crazy, if you must know. This place does that to me. You do that to me.”
The crunching sounds of his footsteps on the gravel stop.
“Let’s just blame alcohol for that one, okay?” I grit my teeth, forcing a smile. “I know it may not seem like it, but it really is good to see you.” He’d never understand how the relief of knowing he still exists is a remedy to my mind and nerves. “G’night, Caiden.”
“Hailey…” He sighs.
I’m already approaching my door, trying to pull my keys from my pocket, staring at my hands as I reply, “Don’t say my name that way.”
“What way?” His wry tone is back. His footsteps sound again, then the clomping of his boots on the steps.