Truth be told, I didn’t know if I deserved to be here in his place. He could’ve done more in that year than I could do in a lifetime. Every step felt borrowed. Every breath felt stolen. Every action felt insufficient. How could I ever pay back what Alton had given me? I was supposed to be taking care of his daughter, but she wouldn’t let me near. And I couldn’t blame her.
I couldn’t be close to Astrid, but I couldn’t stay away, either. All I could do was watch from afar and do whatever I could to make sure she was okay.
As I turned the corner toward O’Halloran’s office, I felt relief. At least this would be a distraction. I needed all the distractions I could get my hands on these days. I approached the door, lifted the knocker, and let it drop.
“Come in,” O’Halloran’s voice echoed from inside.
Pushing open the large door, I stepped into the now-familiar room. It had changed a lot from previous regimes. O’Halloran was a man of simple tastes. The hefty desk had been replaced with a curved pine workspace and a computer. A smaller desk sat in one corner for Diarmuid. Diarmuid wasn’t here, fortunately, but O’Halloran was at the larger desk, sifting through paperwork.
The leather wing-back armchairs were gone. I sat in a simple office chair with wheels. A small couch stood by the fireplace, plain and black, and the walls had been painted an inoffensive shade of magnolia. No art hung on the walls, only framed certificates of merit and a few old photos from O’Halloran’s security service days. Pictures of people I didn’t know, whom O’Halloran didn’t talk about.
At first glance it seemed as if Alton had never been there. However, looking closer, his presence lingered in small ways: the carriage clock on the mantelpiece, the green glass lampshade that covered the central light, and the books that lined the shelves. I always focused on these when I set foot in this room. The cumulative effect was nostalgic and sad and peppered with remorse.
That said, the SDC wasn’t suffering under O’Halloran’s leadership. He was doing a stellar job as director, bringing a military eye to improvements and making sure everything ran with precision. He made sure everyone had a role, even if that role was just guard duty or helping the cleanup operation in the kitchens.
It was because of O’Halloran that we had special agents now, including Harley and Wade, who went out to track down stubborn cultists. The special agents also protected the coven and the Bestiary to avoid any future mishaps. The SDC’s reputation had skyrocketed because of our part in killing Katherine, and O’Halloran was determined to keep us riding that high.
“I just sent Diarmuid to fetch you,” O’Halloran said with a smile. “I figured you’d get distracted at breakfast after Finch’s unexpected injuries. Gossip travels fast, despite my efforts. How’s he doing?”
I shrugged. “He’s being very… Finch about it. He seems fine, but he probably wouldn’t say if he wasn’t. Looks like Marianne did a good job patching him up, though.”
“It’s fortunate we had her around. Poltergeists are a nasty business from what I hear, though I’ve never come across one myself.” He gestured for me to sit, so I did. “But, as long as he’s recovering, that’s all that matters. I’m hoping to make it through the year without losing someone.” An awkward silence stretched between us, as if he knew what he’d said and didn’t know how to cover it up.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” I prompted.
This was the worst part about my situation—even after a year, nobody quite knew how to talk to me. It was like they were constantly terrified of saying the wrong thing. Alton gave up his life for you; how does that feel? It was the shadow to everyone’s words, even though nobody actually came out and said it. If they had, they might’ve gotten a few answers. It felt like crap. And I hadn’t asked for it. I was grateful, of course, but it wasn’t as if I could say that to anyone.
“Ah, yes.” O’Halloran reached for a folder on his desk and flipped it open. “I wanted to ask you to consider becoming the next preceptor of Physical Magic.”
My eyes widened in surprise as O’Halloran continued.
“We’ve got a hole to fill, as you know, and options are thin on the ground. Not that you’re a last resort. You’re actually the best candidate we’ve got, internally and externally. It’d be a substitute position, for now, but the California Mage Council is starting to nag me about having a threadbare faculty. We can’t teach properly if we don’t have enough instructors, and you’re experienced and capable. Plus, I know you’d do a bang-up job.” He looked up at me. “So, what do you say?”
“You want me as a preceptor?” I spoke slowly, hardly believing what I’d just heard.
“Yes, lad, you. That’s why you’re here.” He gave a quiet laugh.
“But… me?” I gaped at him. “Aren’t I too young?” I’d never even thought about holding one of those positions. I was in my twenties. Most preceptors were in their thirties, or older, with a lot more experience. Except for Astrid, who was in charge of Human Relations these days. But she’d always been smarter than the rest of us, which I guess made her an exception.
“You complimented Marianne’s skill before—she’s not so much older than you. Anyway, I’ve found that students respond better to people they can relate to. Your youth is your advantage. I wish I still had that advantage. I’m getting grayer by the day. Personally, I blame this job.” He ran a hand through his hair to emphasize the point.
I frowned. “But why me? Why not Wade, or Finch, or Santana, or someone like that?”
“Are you any different?” He cocked his head to one side. “You’re just as competent. Besides, Santana’s skillset is more niche, and Wade prefers fieldwork. And Finch… well, Finch is Finch. He might have the advantage of youth, but he has the disadvantage of a checkered record. So you’re the ideal candidate, at least as a backstop until I can get a decent permanent preceptor.”
“You haven’t had any luck hiring outside the coven?”
O’Halloran shook his head. “Who’d have thought people would be so unwilling to come and work here? Not a single bite in twelve months. The moment they hear ‘SDC’ they go running, even though our rep is on the rise. It’s not as if Katherine is still hovering in the hallways, pretending to be Imogene.” He shrugged. “The magical world has a long memory, and I can’t force them to see past it.”
“I… I don’t know, O’Halloran.” I fidgeted in my seat.
“I know things have been rough on you, Garrett. Anyone would feel strange after what happened to you in Elysium. It’s not something you can just reverse or erase, right? So, here’s a chance for you to get back into the swing of things. I picked you because you use logic over emotions, you’ve got versatile fighting methods, and your go-to is to mess with your opponents using basic physical magic. No frills. That’s what makes you perfect for this. Even if I weren’t desperate, I’d be calling on you—if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I shook my head. “It’s not that. I’m worried I’ll walk into a classroom and everything will go quiet. And then the whispers will start. I died, remember? Like you said, people don’t forget easily.”