No. It’s not only her lips that I haven’t been able to stop staring at.
It’s her.
All of her.
And it’s not only because of that kiss or the almost-kiss before that.
It all started that night. It started with chaos and refused to end.
I still don’t like Silver Queens. And not because she acts like a bitch to everyone at school, but because she’s not actually a bitch. She’ll go out of her way to snitch to the principal on anyone who bullies Kimberly, but she won’t talk to her. She’ll even hurt her if she feels her ex-best friend, Kim, might get close to her.
She shuts Summer and Veronica up when they make the other students do shit for them while she sits at parties like she’s a queen, accepting the peasants’ offers at her feet.
The sorry fucks line up to ask her to dance, only for her to tell them she’s not feeling like dancing, but they can sit with her.
She’s plastic. She’s becoming more and more a replica of her mother, and the worst thing is, I don’t think she even realises it.
When her eyes meet mine, she pauses for a fraction of a second before she harrumphs and directs her attention at the others.
Since that day in our guest room, Silver has made it her mission to avoid me and never stay alone with me. Whenever we meet at my house by accident — because I make her think I won’t come back at that time and then show up anyway — she pretends I don’t exist.
Like now.
It’s a game we play. Pretending the other doesn’t exist.
I still pull on her hair every chance I get. She’s lost that awed, surprised look over time, but it’s one of the rarest moments where she’ll stare up at me with wide eyes. They usually morph into glares way too soon, but that brief second is worth it.
Silver still tries to compete with me every chance she gets. She loses most of the time. In the beginning, I used to forfeit to see her eyes widening in a different type of way — with happiness — but lately, she’s been pissing me off with all the fuckboys she sits with at parties, so I make sure to see her lose.
I make sure she falls at my feet.
She stands up every time, though, and swings back even more determined. It’s one of her most admirable qualities. It’s like she can climb a mountain, then destroy it if she puts her mind to it.
I’m that mountain in her life right now. The one she’ll never be able to reach the top of. I won’t let her. I’ll keep her hanging on to me because I need the chaos she brings to the solid exterior. The way she digs her nails in and disrupts the boring cycle.
If I give in to her, if I allow her to have her way, everything will snap back to normal, and I don’t like normal.
“I brought snacks Helen and I made.” She carries the bags to the kitchen area.
“Are there any crisps?” Ronan helps her and she nods.
Xander follows, rubbing his hands. “I get half the crisps.”
“No!” Ronan brings out an imaginary sword. “Fight me for it, peasant.”
Xander brings out his own imaginary sword and they start jumping like monkeys around Silver.
“You mean, Mum made them and you just watched,” I say, feigning to read from my book. I can’t concentrate on words when she’s around. I always have this overflow of energy that starts in my chest and ends in my dick.
“Funny because you weren’t there,” she shoots back.
“I don’t have to be there to know you suck at cooking, Silver.” I don’t use her nickname when anyone else is around. If I do, they’ll pick up on my abnormal attachment to her.
That means weakness.
And I already made a promise to myself that there would never be another moment where I’m weak.
I did it once. Never again.
I don’t lift my head, but I feel her glaring at me from across the room. I like to think her hatred is black hands, and they’re punching me metaphorically when she’s not within physical reach.
She still hits me whenever possible. Sometimes, it’s stomping on my foot or elbowing me in the side when no one is looking. Other times, it’s a straight out punch to the chest, but that’s only when we’re alone. She thinks they hurt, but they’re like a toddler’s caress.
Silver has an outside image and an inside one. They never overlap and she’s becoming an expert at juggling her two lives. One is Daddy’s little girl, her mother’s perfect daughter, and the top student, piano player, and classical music lover. The other is everything else. Like listening to rock music and eating Snickers bars in secret. The punches, too. That’s why I did everything to bring them out.
I’m the only one who brings them out.
“You’ve been on the same page for ten minutes,” Aiden says from beside me, his voice low enough so that only I can hear him.
Silver is trying to pacify Ronan and Xander’s fake fight. A pacifier — that’s what she is deep down. However, she’s been slowly but surely trying to get rid of that part.
I flip the page. “I’m engraving the words to memory.”
“Lie. You have a photographic memory, so you engrave pages after a minute, or is it seconds?” He pauses. “Maybe you’re distracted.”
I lift my head from the book. Aiden is watching me with a sadistic smirk on his lips. Was I not careful enough? Did I somehow raise his suspicions?
“What are you talking about?” I play the nonchalance card I’m so good at.
“Silver Queens, huh? I should’ve seen it coming with the amount of time she spends with Helen.”
“She only comes over for Mum.”
“Sure, did I say anything?” He pretends to push his black hair from his forehead. “In that case, is it okay if I fuck her?”
My hold tightens around the book, but I try to keep my expression the same. It’s a tool I’ve found works in most situations. If you stay calm, it’ll eventually go away.
If I tell Aiden no, he’ll figure out my fixation and use it against me every chance he gets.
But I know something… Silver can’t stand Aiden. She thinks we’re both wankers and doesn’t miss a single chance to tell us that. She wouldn’t touch him with a stick.
Besides, I have a way to make her hate him even more.
“Sure, if you’re into bimbos.” I smile.
“You and I both know she’s a not a bimbo.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You think I won’t be able to do it.” His smirk widens. “I love it when you underestimate me, Nash. I really, really do.”
“Be my guest.” I focus on the other two. “Hey, Ronan. Why don’t you tell Silver what we’re celebrating?”
“Oh, right.” Ronan pauses his fight with Xander and clears his throat. “Aiden lost his virginity to his father’s secretary yesterday. He’s finally a man.”
“I didn’t need to know that.” She makes a disgusted face as she opens the container on the counter.
Bingo. I just made Aiden lose before he started to play. That’s how it’s done.
“You fucked up, Nash,” Aiden murmurs to me. “Now, I’m taking this to the next level.”
I can’t resist the smug look that pulls at my lips. “Best of luck.”