‘Which is why I’m concerned about this plan of yours.’ His expression was etched in lines of gravitas. ‘What if it proves too awkward to go back to being friends?’
Ivy let out a gusty sigh. Was this going to be the story of her life? Constant rejection? ‘I think you’re looking for excuses not to sleep with me. All right. You win. Forget about my plan. I’ll find someone else.’
There was a tight silence.
Louis reached for her hand again, his fingers warm and strong over hers. ‘No. Don’t do that.’ His eyes held hers in an unwavering lock. ‘I’m still getting my head around what you want from me.’
‘Why? Because I have sexual needs just like anyone else?’ Ivy asked, pulling her hand out of his. ‘I’m not a child, Louis. I’m a fully-grown woman and I want to feel like one in bed with a man. But how can I if I freak out at the thought of undressing in front of a guy?’
‘Have you gone on any dates in the past?’
‘Four.’ Ivy mentally cringed at her paltry number of dates. No doubt Louis’ dates numbered six figures by now.
‘Only four?’
‘Yep, and they were all disasters.’
His dark brows drew together, a shadow of concern backlighting his gaze. ‘Why?’
Ivy released a heavy sigh. ‘The first one of my dates asked me out for a drink. That was fine until he said he forgot his wallet and he suggested we swing by his house and...’
‘You didn’t go with him, did you?’ His frown was deeper, almost savage in its intensity.
Ivy wasn’t sure how to answer. How could she tell him she was afraid of trusting someone enough to let them get that close to her? As physically close as two people could be? Not just physically close but emotionally close. That was even more terrifying. ‘Well, I was so new to dating, I didn’t really know what else to do. He asked me out, so I went with him out of politeness. But once we got to his flat he tried to kiss me and touch me and I found it all a bit too much too soon. The second date was a bit better but ended much the same. We met for a drink and then went to a nightclub and then went back to his place.’
‘Did he pressure you to go home with him?’
‘Not really. I wanted to go. I actually liked him more than the other guy. I thought there was some potential there for a proper relationship. We kissed a bit, but I can’t say I enjoyed it. And as soon as he started to undress me I freaked out. It was so embarrassing. He must have thought I was a crazy person. I bolted out the door and caught a cab home. The other dates were much the same. I’d be sort of fine until it came to the kissing and touching part and then I would freeze or run. I haven’t dated anyone since. I’m rubbish at it, which is why I have to do something about it before it’s too late.’
‘It sounds to me like you’ve had a bunch of crap dates. You shouldn’t let it put you off dating again.’
Ivy’s shoulders slumped on a sigh. ‘I’m not confident enough to date someone I don’t know. But how can I get to know someone if I don’t date them? It’s an impossible situation.’
There was a silence.
He picked up his wine glass but didn’t raise it to his mouth. ‘Maybe I can help you with that.’
Ivy’s eyes flicked back to his. ‘How?’
His eyes drifted to her mouth once more. ‘We could go on some dates together, to help you build your confidence around men.’
‘You mean sleep with me? You’ll actually do...?’
He held up his hand like a stop sign. ‘Wait. Hear me out.’ He lowered his hand to the table. ‘I think what’s happened with your last dates is, you felt pressured the whole time about having sex straight up. What might help is spending time with me—for instance, where sex is a possibility rather than a given.’
Ivy frowned. ‘Sex as a possibility? Seriously, is that what you think every time you go on a date, Mr Amazing One-Night Stand?’
He gave her a mock glower. ‘Not usually, but neither do I pressure a woman to have sex if I don’t think she wants the same thing. You and I can spend a bit of time together to help you feel more in control.’
Maybe he had a point. The possibility of sex might somehow be less threatening than the certainty of it... And yet strangely, because it would be Louis and not some other guy she was randomly dating, she wanted certainty. ‘Okay. So, where will we go?’
‘Look, if we’re going to do this, then I think we need to keep a low profile. I don’t want the press sniffing around and it getting back to Ronan.’
Ivy could understand his guardedness on one level but another part of her wondered if his reluctance to be seen in public with her had more to do with her looks. She wasn’t his usual type. He went for tall and tanned leggy blondes, and she was short and curvy, her hair was red and her skin as white as milk. Not exactly billboard model material.
‘Fine. We can do that. When do we start?’
He took a deep sip of his wine before he answered. ‘Are you free this Friday night?’
Ivy rolled her eyes. ‘I’m free every Friday night. That’s the whole problem.’
A smile played at the edges of his mouth. ‘I don’t know what’s wrong with the young men in London to overlook you for all this time.’
She gave him a rueful glance. ‘It’s not the young men that’s the problem. It’s me. I’ve refused heaps of offers of dates. But hopefully you’ll be able to fix me.’
His smile faded and a frown appeared on his forehead. ‘You don’t need fixing, Ivy. There’s nothing wrong with you.’
‘What if I’m frigid? What if I can’t get over my inhibitions?’
‘We’ll work on building your confidence first and I bet the rest will sort itself out.’
Ivy grasped his hand across the table. ‘Thank you.’
He picked up her hand and brought it up to his lips, holding her gaze with the grey-blue intensity of his. He pressed a soft-as-air kiss to her bent knuckles, sending a wave of heat through her entire body. Electric fizzes and tingles that made her acutely aware of the throbbing pulse deep and low in her pelvis. She couldn’t break his gaze even if she’d wanted to. She was transfixed by the naked need she could see reflected there, the same need she could feel vibrating in her body.
But he still hadn’t fully committed to sleeping with her and the clock was ticking as she approached her thirtieth birthday. Tick. Tick. Tick. What if he refused to do as she asked? What if his ‘possibility of sex’ became an impossibility for him? The thought of hooking up with a stranger was even more distressing to her now, especially since she had been kissed by Louis. His kiss had surprised and delighted her in a way no other kiss had. Her previous dates had kissed her, but those kisses hadn’t been a patch on Louis’. He’d suggested spending time together first, and that sounded all fine and dandy, but what she wanted—needed—was to offload her inhibitions. And the only way to do that was to get the deed done. With him.