She hesitated behind it.
His expression cleared, but his mouth tightened briefly. “That’s fine,” he said evenly. “I presumed you’d have questions.”
“I do, but not—Well, that too, I guess.” She hadn’t even considered whether he had full sexual function, only thinking that she wanted to be alone with him, too. “It’s more...” She could hear herself stammering and wanted to die of mortification. “I’ve never done this,” she blurted.
His shoulders relaxed and one of his dark eyebrows lifted in self-deprecation. “This is considerably faster than I usually move, myself.”
“No, I mean...” She nervously linked her hands before her. “I’ve never had sex.”
His head went back in astonishment.
She wrinkled her nose. “I knew you’d think I’m odd.” Her fellow students had. “That’s why I mentioned it.”
“It’s not odd.” He tilted his head, conceding, “Okay, I’m surprised. I didn’t expect someone as worldly as you are wouldn’t have taken a lover somewhere along the line.” He studied her again in that way that picked over her bones, but left small fires in its wake.
She was used to being a curiosity. People disbelieved things she said about herself and her life. For the most part she didn’t care what others thought of her, but Giovanni’s skepticism was different. That shadow of doubt he wore provoked a small outrage in her along with a clench of something more defensive. She wanted him to see her exactly as she was. To know her and like her and want her despite all the nicks and dents that life had left upon her.
“There wasn’t at least one young man at university who tempted you?”
“They all seemed very one-track and immature.” The one she had thought had potential turned out to play for another team. She shrugged self-consciously. “No one made me feel like I wanted more than coffee and kisses.”
“But I do?” His face was impassive while the line of his shoulders had turned to granite.
“Why is that hard to believe? You invited me here. I thought that meant we were mutually attracted.” She crossed her arms protectively.
“I’m very attracted to you,” he assured her in a voice that curled her toes in her boots. “It’s still a big step for you to take with someone you barely know.”
She hunched her shoulders to her ears. “Growing up the way I did, always moving to a new place, I learned that I don’t often get second chances. If there was a place I wanted to see or something I wanted to do, I had to take the opportunity when it was presented or we would be in the next town or across a border and I couldn’t go back.”
“I’m a unique experience you don’t want to miss?” His voice chilled with warning.
“Am I not for you?” she asked with a spark of tetchiness. “Because if I’m a run-of-the-mill hookup, then yes, I would prefer to take my jacket and bag and find my own way home.”
His cheeks hollowed and his mouth pursed in doleful humor. “You’re definitely unique, Freja.” He absently ran the backs of his fingers under the angle of his jaw.
The silence drew out until her stomach was so tight she could hardly breathe. She looked to her bag where he’d set it on the table by the door.
“I’m trying to make myself say that this isn’t your only opportunity to sleep with me,” he said in a voice that went gritty and thick. “I know I should tell you that if you’re feeling pressured, we can back off. We can date and wait for a time that feels right.” He shook his head, jaw clenched. “But I’ll be leaving for Europe next week. Which is another reason you should be sensible about this decision. I’ll be there through the summer, possibly longer. I wouldn’t expect you to wait for me.”
And wouldn’t invite her to come with him. He was warning her this wasn’t the beginning of anything serious. She absorbed that as a clash that rang through her whole body. But as she weighed little against nothing, there was no contest. She would take what she could get.
“If you want to leave, go. I’ll call you tomorrow. If you want to stay the night, then I want you in my bed.”
That declaration was as weighty as a thick wool quilt, a little abrasive, but strangely comforting. She warmed under it. Fast.
“I want to stay.” Even though her stomach was nothing but butterflies in anticipation. “That’s why I’m here.”
His breath left him in a jagged laugh. “That frankness of yours is going to be the death of me. Come here.” In a well-practiced shift, he used the arm of the sofa to transfer himself onto the cushions. He held out a hand to her.
She came around and let him draw her to sit next to him. He set one arm along the back of the sofa and angled toward her. His light touch encouraged her to angle toward him and drape her legs across his thighs.
“You won’t hurt me,” he assured her, but it was the way his touch played across her knees that made her twitch in reaction. He pointed to what was left of his right leg. “This one is completely without sensation. I can’t control it at all. Sometimes it spasms. This one I can move a bit and feel some pressure, but no heat or pain.” He thwacked his finger against his meatier left thigh. “I don’t feel anything at all right here.” He drew a wide band from his spine around his rib cage to the middle of his chest on the right side. “Sensation is patchy through here.” He waved his hand over his abdomen and lap. “If I move your hand when you’re touching me, that’s why.” He picked up her hand and played with her fingers. “Go ahead and do the same with me. I want to touch you where you enjoy it most.”
Her fingers flexed in reaction at the idea of setting his hand in intimate places.
The corners of his mouth deepened knowingly. He set a tiny kiss on her knuckle, melting her thought processes one brain cell at a time.
“My shoulders and scalp and earlobes are really sensitive. My left nipple.” He shrugged at that incongruity. “I may not finish the way you expect. Don’t take that as a reflection on you or my level of enjoyment.”
“I don’t know what to expect,” she reminded him, trying to keep the moment light while she quaked internally at the enormity of what they were discussing so calmly and naturally.
“Right. I should have said, everything that happens between us is a completely typical experience exactly as you would have had with your able-bodied university nits.”
She chuckled dryly, but her smile faded as he trailed his reverent gaze over her face.
“Or not.” He picked up a tendril of her hair, letting it sift through his fingers. “That is sleek as a satin ribbon, isn’t it? I’ve been dying to know.” He did it again. “Smooth and cool. Like you,” he added in a tone that maybe was supposed to be whimsical, but she was having trouble tracking.