Now, it was the little brother doing the protecting and the realization made Caius smile.
Perhaps the little brother had finally grown up, after all.
However, it wasn’t growing up as much as it was a changing of the heart in Kevin de Lara. He’d lived and served among those who killed without hesitation for a good deal of his professional life. He’d seen a great many travesties that had gotten under his skin, things his fellow knights had done, things he’d complained about but no action taken against.
Things he’d bottled up and tried to forget.
But seeing Sean lying in that bed, injured because of the mission he’d accepted and the cause he believed in, did something to him. He began to realize that being a man of heart in a profession that had little was a weakness. He’d been weak all the time.
Men like his brother had been the brave ones.
Men who walked the gray areas in a world where morality could be changed to suit the outcome of a just and right cause. But in Sean’s case, it would probably cost him his life.
Men, as Kevin saw it, could not be changed. Because of the king, Sean had to lay himself to waste, damage his reputation where it could never be recovered. Sean de Lara, that great and noble warrior, that shining example of knighthood, had been betrayed by the country he was trying so hard to protect.
By a monarch who tried to kill him.
But it ran deeper than that.
William Marshal’s objective had always been to preserve England, to preserve the king and protect him from not only the external threats against him, but also from himself. Kevin always thought that he, too, was doing the right and just thing by helping The Marshal protect the country he loved, but in seeing how that loyalty had cost his brother, Kevin wasn’t so sure any longer. He wasn’t so sure he wanted to serve a country that turned on its own.
He wasn’t sure he wanted to be an Executioner Knight any longer.
Perhaps it was time for Kevin to finally become a man of his own.
CHAPTER ONE
Rossington House
Five weeks later
“Sean wants to see you, Kevin.”
“Is he dying?”
Caius shook his head. “Not today,” he said. “The poison in his groin is much better. Gilby says that he might very well make it. It is not a death watch, in any case, but he has been asking to see you for weeks. Where have you been?”
Kevin eyed him. “It is enough that I am here,” he said evasively. “My brother is doing better?”
“He is. Are you going to tell me where you’ve been?”
Kevin wasn’t. He eyed Caius for a moment before pushing past the man, heading into the bowels of Rossington House where his brother was still recovering from what they had all considered to be mortal wounds.
But still, Sean lingered.
Kevin braced himself.
Sean was still in the chamber they’d first brought him to those weeks ago. They hadn’t moved him even though it was a tiny servant’s chamber and could hardly hold more than a few men at a time. But it was on the ground level, with a nice window that overlooked the garden and the kitchen yard beyond.
Kevin entered the low-ceilinged chamber to see that his brother’s bed had been pushed up against the wall because, when propped up, he could see outside. The window was even open a little, letting the sweet scent of spring enter. It also let in the stench of the rest of the yard in and Kevin caught a whiff of the stables as he approached the bed.
Sean was elevated on pillows, his eyes closed as he lay slightly on his right side. A male servant was there, cleaning out the piss pot, leading Kevin to believe that his brother might not be asleep because he had just used it. As the servant left, Kevin shut the door quietly behind him, shutting out Caius as well, who had followed him.
But what he had to say to Sean wasn’t for Caius’ ears.
“Sean?” he said softly.
Sean’s eyes immediately popped open, looking around the chamber until they came to rest on Kevin, standing near the door. He smiled weakly.
“Kevin,” he said hoarsely. “I was wondering if you would ever come. Where have you been? No one could seem to find you.”
Kevin sighed heavily as he made his way towards the bed. There was a three-legged stool against the wall and he pulled it forward, planting himself on it as he sat next to his brother’s sickbed.
“I had things to attend to,” he said, avoiding the question. “But I am here now. Do you have need of me?”
Sean may have been ill, but his mental faculties were intact. He was well aware that his brother was being evasive.
“Tell me where you have been, Kevin,” he said, more lucid this time. “I’ve not seen you since the day after I was brought here. What is amiss with you, little brother?”
Kevin knew he couldn’t avoid giving him an answer much longer. Besides… he would know soon enough. He scratched his ear, a pensive gesture as he figured out how to couch what he was about to tell his brother.
But there was no easy way.
“I have asked The Marshal to release me from my service as an Executioner Knight,” he finally said. “Then I went to Trelystan Castle. I have only just returned.”
Sean’s gaze lingered on him for a moment. “I see,” he said. “And did The Marshal release you?”
Kevin shook his head. “He told me not to be hasty and to think on it,” he said. “He told me to go to Trelystan and then we would speak more on the subject when I returned.”
Sean shifted slightly in his bed, his gaze never leaving his brother. “Why did you resign?”
Kevin’s jaw ticked. “Because I wanted to.”
“Tell me all of it, Kevin. Please.”
Kevin drew in a sharp breath, trying to keep control of his emotions. “Because I no longer want to be part of the Executioner Knights, Sean. Must you know more than that?”
“I must. Will you make me beg you to tell me everything? What has happened that you would leave us?”
Kevin averted his gaze, looking to his feet. Those big, dirty boots that had seen so much action, so much strife and difficulties.
“Many things,” he muttered after a moment. “But the most important thing is that I do not have the mentality it takes to continue, I suppose.”
“What do you mean?”
Kevin lifted his big shoulders, growing restless and irritated as his brother pressed him. “I mean everything and I mean nothing,” he snapped softly. “All of the Executioner Knights are the greatest knights I have ever known, and my respect for them is endless, but all of you can carry out a distasteful order so easily and I cannot, not with great ease. While I am stewing over the situation and trying to rationalize the immorality of it, the rest of you do not. You can lie to your fellow man if it is in the course of your mission, or you can slay a priest if you are told to do so, and there are no questions in your mind about it. There is more to this, of course, but I… I have been thinking a good deal about the mentality of an Executioner Knight and I do not think I can continue on.”
Sean’s gaze drifted over him thoughtfully. “Because we do not question what needs to be done?”
“Because you do it without question. Or conscience.”
Sean had always known of Kevin’s struggles where it pertained to some of the darker deeds the Executioner Knights had carried out, but his sense of duty and support for his fellow knights had always been stronger than his hesitation.