I stand up and start pacing at the end of the bed. My hands pull on my hair again, like I’m trying to cause the pain I know I deserve for losing her like this. No amount of pain that I cause myself can make up for the fact that I failed Fallon or make this situation any better. The only thing it seems to help is the immense guilt that has overtaken my soul.
“And you’re sure it was him?” she asks. I don’t need to tell her the answer. She knows it was him. But just like me, she needs to ask the question. She needs to hear it for herself.
“It has to be. No way would she walk away from you. I know it in my bones. No, he took her.” I shake my head at the idea that she would ever walk away from her family. She would never. Nothing could make her leave them.
“Jesse, she wouldn’t walk away from you either. I know my daughter, she loves you. She loves all three of you,” she says, “But you? You mean the world to her.”
I stop pacing and place my hands at the foot of her bed, gripping the foot rail until my hands and knuckles turn white. The words echo in my head. She loves you. That damn spot in my chest aches again. It’s a permanent reminder of what I couldn’t do for her.
“Have you gone to the police?” she asks quietly.
This is other part I was dreading. I lean back and readjust my grip on the bed. I meet her eyes, and I shake my head.
“No. I’m handling this my way, and I will continue to do so, unless you tell me otherwise. I’m going to find her. And him. And when I do . . .” I snarl as I speak the last part and grit my teeth. White-hot anger fills me, knowing he took her when I was supposed to be protecting her. When I knew better than to leave her alone. This is my fault. “I shouldn’t have left her alone. This is my fault. I’m going to fix this.”
She looks at me. She scans my eyes, my face, and my body. Then she nods. “What Marcus does is no one’s fault. No one can be held responsible for the actions of a very sick young man.”
Darla huffs out a sad chuckle. “You and Fallon are a lot alike. Always blaming yourselves when your family hurts.” She looks to the window, her eyes glistening over with unshed tears. I can’t imagine what she is feeling right now. I see the wheels rolling in her brain. She’s processing everything I’ve said to her, feeling what she needs to feel.
I see the moment her posture changes. It’s slight, but it’s there. She turns back to me with war written on her face. This is where Fallon gets her fight from. I can only hope she’s fighting right now. I need her to fight.
She grits out one single word between clenched teeth. “Don’t.”
“Don’t?” I ask her in confusion. “Don’t what? Search for her?”
“Don’t go to the police. They’ve failed her so many times. They didn’t protect her when she lost Luna or when she had to leave her home because that horrible man haunted her. I tried, Jesse. I tried so hard to protect her. I begged the police to intervene. They wouldn’t do anything, and they aren’t helping now.” The tears pool in the corners of her eyes and dare to spill over as she shakes her head. “No, you have to find her. You have to promise me you’ll find her. I’ll do everything I can to help you, but you have my support. Please just find my baby.”
“I-I . . .” The stutter comes out of my mouth before I can fully process what she’s telling me. I was certain that I would be leaving here and going to the police station. As I stare into her face, I collect myself. I steel my resolve to match hers before vowing to her, “I will.”
“Even if it means sacrificing everything? I need to know that you’re willing to do whatever it takes,” she says with determination gleaming from her eyes. “That’s my baby girl, and I’ve failed to protect her as her mother so many times. I need to know I can trust you to be there for her.”
“I will find her, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe,” I promise. My voice is unwavering as I look into her eyes, reinforcing the message I’ve just delivered. Nothing will stop me. I will find her.
And I will destroy him.
“Promise me, Jesse. Promise me you’ll find her,” she pleads as tears streak down her face. She finally let them flow. “You’ll find my baby. My sweet baby girl.”
“I promise,” I say, my gut wrenching open. I never make promises, but this is one promise that I can make without hesitation. Because I’d already promised myself the same.
She stares at me. “Good. Now sit down and tell me what you know so far. What is your plan? Tell me everything.”
I nod and move back to the chair at side of her bed to take a seat again. She holds out her hand to me, and I grip it for dear life. I tell her everything I know, and I don’t hold back. She has to know what her daughter means to me. And If she doesn’t, I’ll make sure to show her. I’ll make sure to bring her back.
“I need to pee,” I tell Marcus, who is sitting in a chair he brought down here so he could read while I stare at either him or the wall. I prefer the wall; it doesn’t bring the bile up.
“You have three minutes,” he says as he turns the page of his book. He doesn’t even give me the courtesy of speaking to my face.
“I’m taking five,” I tell him as I stand and walk past him on my way to the bathroom.
Fuck him and his rules.
His foot suddenly appears in my way, and I stumble over it until my face slides along the concrete of the dirty basement floor. The grit digs into my cheek.
That’s going to be pretty, I’m sure.
Before I can right myself, Marcus straddles my waist and uses his weight to hold me down. His hand fists into the hair on the back of my head, yanking until my head is bent back as far as it can go. My scalp stings as I feel a few hairs being pulled out. I jerk my head to the side and push up with my hands, but his grip is solid and I can’t budge. I whimper at the burning sensation slicing through my scalp now. Pulling against him wasn’t the best idea, and now my tears are pooling in my eyes against my wishes as the sting becomes overwhelming. I focus on the heartbeat steadily pounding in my ears, but the air is becoming thick, making it hard for me to breathe. Or focus. He hadn’t put his hands on me before now. I’ve been waiting for it. Marcus can only hold the rage in for so long, and I’ve pushed and poked and prodded. Provoking him has almost become a game to me, a stab I can feel good about. But right now nothing feels good. In fact, it feels like hell on earth.
His warm breath reaches my ear, and I still completely at his cringe-inducing whisper. “I’ve been patient with you, Fallon, but you will mind me. Or there will be consequences.”
He slams my head into the concrete floor causing the grit to puncture my face even further. The weight of his body lets up and he walks out, leaving me lying on the ground. Stars appear in my vision, and pain pulses down the side of my face. I roll on my back and hold my hand to my face in an attempt to dull the pain. I look up to the ceiling and try to control my breathing and wait for the stars to clear before I try to sit up. I focus on each breath as it flows in and out, but it doesn’t seem to calm me this time. This severity of this situation just became extremely real to me.