All night, I couldn’t shake Scarlett’s words. I grew afraid that she was right. I would hurt Kathy. And that was one thing I would never allow.
And yet, when she texted me a sexy invitation to her place, I didn’t know how to put my concern into words. So, I ignored her.
How could I have thought I wouldn’t hurt her? That was what people did.
The next morning, I texted her.
LIAM: Sorry I missed your text. Something’s come up at work. Going to be busy for a while.
It was a lame excuse. One she could easily find out from Lachlan was a lie. And I hoped that did the trick. Because though our relationship had been brief, Kath knew me, understood me. And painful as it was, she would get my message: I was staying away.
And when my chest ached for her and my cock twitched at the thought of her perfect curves, her round tits, the feel of my hands on her naked hips, rocking us to ecstasy, I told myself it was for the best.
When I thought of holding her, combing my fingers through her hair as she slept safely in my arms, it was harder than ever. But I was going to do the right thing for Kath, even if it killed me.
Nine
KATH
LIAM: Sorry I missed your text. Something’s come up at work. Going to be busy for a while.
I knew that was a load of shit. I also knew that we both agreed it was a one-night thing. I was also sicker of hearing that justification in my head than I cared to admit. And yet, while that one-night thing spiraled into a weeklong thing that was more like the elusive feeling of love people hunted their whole lives, well, we both had our reasons and we went in clear on them.
Despite all that, I couldn’t shake him. I thought of him constantly. At work, where I should have been thinking of the human resources my company had charged me with the care of, I was instead thinking of Liam’s human resources—namely, the incredible safety and security, warmth, and perfect peace I felt in his arms.
And at lustier moments, the feel of his cock, sliding inside me while his gaze drenched me in the presence and splendor that was the way he clearly felt about me.
But if it had been so clear—and it had, I’m not one to doubt myself because I know what I know—why had he suddenly decided to end it?
One of our conversations kept returning to me. When he spoke about his loyalty and how he would do anything to protect the people he loved. It didn’t add up with this ghosting. Part of me worried something had happened to him. I wanted to reach out and check. But if he’d wanted me to be there, he would have let me in.
When my M.I.A. bestie, Tilly, rang me for the third time, I finally picked up.
“Why are you ignoring me? What’s wrong?” She knew me so well.
I told her what had happened.
“The Angry Aussie?”
“Please don’t call him that.”
“Why? You do.”
“Not anymore.”
“Is it possible he’s showing his true stripes now, disappearing like that?”
“That is the logical explanation, and yet, it doesn’t seem like the right one.”
“I’ll say one thing. I’ve never heard you like this before. You never accept any kind of crap from a man. And it’s usually you that does the ghosting. So, I’m going to say I trust your instincts here. Give him a chance.”
And still, I didn’t hear from him. In this way, the rest of November and two weeks of December had passed. It had been long and soul-searching. I found I couldn’t go back to the carefree nights at the local bar that used to make me happy.
Everything I did, I thought how Liam would enjoy it, how it would be our place if things had turned out differently. Most nights I stayed home. While I kept up my regular family dinners with Scarlett, Zooey, and Lachlan, I worried Liam could show up. I couldn’t ask for fear of revealing too much.
But he didn’t. And each time, the mix of relief and disappointment sent me into a whirlwind. Needing a break from the tumult of emotion, the next week I made an excuse as to why I couldn’t make it.
Instead, I found myself on a ladder in the storage space above my ceiling, looking for pictures from my childhood. I don’t know what made me so hungry to examine the photos of my parents holding onto Scarlett and me. It had been over ten years since their death and I’d gone through the stages of grief quickly, mostly because I made it my life’s mission to take care of Scarlett and make sure she never felt like there was no one looking out for her.
Sure, that meant I didn’t go to the fancy Boston college to begin pre-law like I meant to. Instead I went with the only place that would take me last minute—the local evening program where I’d met Tilly. And that led me into human resources.
I didn’t regret it. I loved my job and realized that as a lawyer, I would never have had the time with Zooey and Scarlett that I was fated to have.
With a flashlight, I found the box I’d been searching for. I was a neatnik and I’d clearly marked it CHILDHOOD PHOTOS, something Scarlett had teased me about. I smiled at the thought. And that made me realize what I was hunting for in these photos.
I was looking for confirmation that my life made sense without Liam. I laid the flashlight down to use both hands to slide the carton closer. But the light rolled in the opposite direction on the slight slope of the old building’s ceiling.
Instinctively, I turned to reach for it, but in doing so, I lost my balance on the ladder. Before I knew it, I was trying to grab for purchase on anything as the ladder toppled from under me. There was the box, finally in my arms, but it was sliding toward the opening my body was propped through, and with it, I crashed on the polished concrete floor.
Ten
LIAM
I had hoped Kath would be at the family dinner at Scarlett and Lachlan’s place. When I got the news she’d turned down the invitation, I tried to cover the turbulence in my features. But even I knew the deep need to see her would be written all over my face.
It had been a very long start to the winter since my blissful week with Kath after the wedding. And though I’d promised myself I’d stay away for her own good, I found that I needed to see her tonight. All week I’d been focused on nothing else. And the reality that she wasn’t showing did something to my resolve that I couldn’t explain.
Three cheese-topped crackers into my visit, I couldn’t take it a second longer. I was so sullen, I couldn’t even bring myself to tease Lachlan for using Scarlett’s American word for biscuits.
I pulled out my phone and made some excuse nobody bought about an emergency at one of the properties Lachlan owned. Like they would be calling the attorney in at six thirty on a Friday.
But Lachy knew me well enough to understand when something was important to me. He also knew enough not to ask if I clearly wasn’t ready to share.
I made my apologies, gave Zooey the world’s biggest hug to show her how sorry I was to disappoint her, then drove straight to Kath’s apartment. I couldn’t wait a second longer to tell her how I felt and make this right.
I might have broken the speed limit a few dozen times. But every second of that drive felt like an eternity. Finally, I was at her building. I buzzed, but there was no answer. The lights were on in her place, so she was there. I had the strangest feeling something was very wrong. I tried three more times, and when she didn’t answer, I pulled out my phone and sent her a text message. Within seconds, I saw the dots swirling.