In the moments he had me on that bed, I’d felt free. It was only him and me. My mind wasn't filled with a million thoughts of what I should or shouldn't be doing. He made me feel things I don’t understand. He made me push aside everything except the pleasure he was giving me. I’d momentarily forgotten the sorrow. But as soon as he’d left the room, that feeling left with him. I was alone again. Always alone.
Wait, what had he just said? Needs. Right. “I’m sure filling your needs isn’t hard for a man like you, Cato.” I look away from him and back down at little Carter. My stomach tightens at the thought of Cato with another woman, at the thought of him finding someone else to fill his needs. I sigh inwardly.
My plan was all but abandoned after he called my bluff that night. I’m supposed to be trying to make him fall in love with me. But I can’t do that if I avoid him. I also can’t do that if he’s out banging his mistresses. But the things he makes me feel scare the hell out of me. I lose control. He’s the one pulling the strings, and even though I loved every moment of it, I shouldn’t want that with him. Even if I crave those feelings now.
Cato lets out a deep laugh. I can’t help but look over at him. He looks almost carefree with his head thrown back a little. I didn't think what I said was funny, but he looks good when he laughs. I don’t think he’s done it enough in his life. I guess I don’t much either, anymore.
“One lioness is all I need. I’ve got my hands full.”
I glare at him. Though a stupid happy thrill runs though me that maybe he isn’t whiling away his nights with another woman. “You realize you’ve spent the last two weeks sleeping in his room. In fact you use Carter to keep me away from you.”
“I do no such thing.”
His eyes flick to my cheek. I put my hand to it. He laughs again. I reach out and smack his thigh. “You’re full of shit. My cheek didn't do anything.” He gives me a playful smile and snatches my hand.
“I’ve said nothing while you do this. I get you wanting to get close to little C, but it took me a year to get him out of my bed. I don’t want to progress backwards.”
“He slept with you?” Gah. Why is that so adorable? He shrugs like it’s not a big deal. He truly does love this little boy. He lifts my hand and kisses my palm.
“Wear a robe inside the house when you’re only in your swimsuit,” he orders. I’ll make sure not to do that. He lets my hand go and runs his fingers through Carter’s hair before he stands. “Know that I’ve allowed you to avoid me.”
“Allowed?” I raise an eyebrow at him.
“Yes, allowed. It’s been quite a test of my patience.”
“Why?” If he doesn't want me to avoid him but continues to let me, then I want to know why. He clearly does whatever he wants, but maybe he can at least explain himself to me.
“So you can heal, my little lioness. You came to that funeral already broken and were more so when we left. I want you whole.” With that, he leaves me alone again with little snoozing Carter.
Am I healing? To be honest I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
10
Cato
“I can’t get any more information than that. I’m trying.” Santino runs a hand through his dark hair. “If I could kill the intel out of some, I would. But torture has only brought me a few tidbits about large drug deals with opium dealers out of Afghanistan. Whoever this new guy is, he’s connected. And he isn’t fucking around. He took out two of our operations in Turkey, killed our workers and took everything down to the last poppy.”
“I need a name. And then I need to know where he is.”
“I’m working on it.” He sits heavily, the dark circles under his eyes a testament to his efforts on this matter.
“No one is ever new, Santino. Not in this country. Our blood has watered the olive trees here for centuries. Someone knows who he is. Knows his family.”
He sits for a while, both of us in silence as I continue double-checking our shipment logs against our accounts. I pay plenty of accountants to do this for me, but sometimes there’s a thief in the larder, and I have to root him out. But I’m having trouble concentrating. Santino has more to tell me. I can read him just as he can read me. A lifelong friendship does that to you. So I can see the weight on him as he sits and stares at nothing, his mind a whirling dervish of trouble.
“This new player. I think he’s the one who hit Carter,” he says quietly.
“I know.” I tick off the spreadsheet and move on to the next entry.
“You know?” He turns, his eyebrows high. “How?”
I place my pen next to the sheet and lean back. “A feeling. We deal with blood and death every day. Our soldiers die, we are threatened, and we have to fight to keep what’s ours. But what happened to Carter—the bullet that took him out was fired by a coward.”
“Shot in the back.” Santino shakes his head and pats his shirt pocket for his cigarettes.
“Yes. Lured out to buy a present for his son and murdered on the spot. Put down like he was nothing more than a dog. Throat slashed in exactly the same manner as both his parents.” I fist my hands, my nails biting into my palms. “It was a message. Whoever this new player is, he knows us. He knows our weaknesses, and he knows our history. When I find him, he will wish he’d never come here.” Pure rage fills me at the memory of Carter’s murder. I loved him like a brother, but what was worse, I had to tell his son that his father was never coming home.
I will keep Carter’s son safe, and I will keep my little lioness close. She’s a target now that she revealed herself at the funeral. And I will continue pushing my men to find the one responsible for her brother’s death so I can end him myself and stop the threat to both Apollonia and Carter.
A yowling sound echoes down the hall.
“The fuck is that?” Santino looks up.
I rub the bridge of my nose as a high-pitched mewl squeaks louder and louder.
“Nothing, sir. Just a kitten we found slinking around the house. Flavia was trying to feed it, but I assumed you wouldn’t want a--”
“Bring it here.” I wave the soldier into my office.
“I bet that old tabby that hangs out in the barn finally got knocked up.” Santino snorts. “But that is definitely the runt of the litter.”
“Closer,” I call.
The soldier swallows hard and walks in. He’s got the kitten’s scruff pinched in his hand as the little thing cries and tries to claw him.
“Where did you come from?” I lean forward and reach for it.
The soldier hands it over, then backs away. A little orange thing with faint stripes, it tries to bite my finger with its needle-like teeth.
I smile. “You remind me of someone.” I pick it up by the scruff and inspect it. “A little girl. One with teeth and claws. You’ll fit in well here.” I scoop her up and stride past my soldier.
“Don’t tell me we’re keeping it.” Santino sighs. “We’ve got problems piling up all over, the Calottis are trying to move in our territory, and there’s a new player that I can’t get any intel on, yet now you’re going to take in a stray? That’s the last thing we need.”