“This is a gorgeous garden. And so functional, too.”
“Functional?”
“There’s a vegetable patch in the back. I also saw some herbs and berries.”
“Oh.”
“You never noticed?”
I shake my head. “No. I’ve seen some of his garden, but never really explored the entire place here.”
We reach the man-made pond. The surface is covered with water lilies, and always reminds me of Monet. We sit on a bench, listening to the chirping of the night bugs.
“How are you holding up?” Mom asks.
“Great,” I say, trying for offhand cheer.
She gives me a stern, penetrating look, the kind that seems to peer into your soul.
“All right. Not great. It’s been hard.”
She takes my hand and pats it as if to say “there there.”
“That damn tape has just…made a mess of everything. And I’m really sorry. I know it’s affecting you as well.”
“Sometimes people betray our trust, but that doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”
Don’t I know it? But knowing intellectually and knowing something deep in your heart are two different things. I stare at the lilies, silvery black in the moonlight. “I wish Dad were alive.”
Mom’s hand tightens around mine. “What do you mean?” Her voice is brittle, and the words sound forced. It’s like she’d rather talk about anything but Dad.
No real surprise, once I stop to think about it. I haven’t talked about Dad in forever.
“It’s just…” I turn fully toward her. “If Dad were alive, I might not feel the need to be perfect all the time.”
Even in the dim light, I can see Mom’s face crumple. The lines around her eyes seem to deepen, and her lips thin.
I must’ve stunned her. Despite thinking about him from time to time, I don’t talk about him because I don’t want to pain Mom. The stories she’s told me about him are lovely, and I know if he’d lived, he would’ve been Father of the Century.
Leaning closer, Mom lowers her voice. “Has Simon ever told you you were disappointing in some—?”
“No!” I say quickly before she jumps to any conclusions. “Simon’s always been great. But I do worry about disappointing him. I always feel like the good things we have in our life might disappear unless I’m good.”
Mom gasps. “Paige, my dear.” She puts her arms around me. “We’ll love you no matter what. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, and it’s not because they made a mistake or because they weren’t perfect.”
“You know I’m pregnant.”
Mom pulls back. “Is that the reason for this sudden marriage?”
Well, there’s more to it than that. But I don’t want to get into all the details. “Basically.”
“I see.” Mom holds both my hands in hers, warming them. My mother’s hands aren’t the softest, but they’re very comforting. “You shouldn’t feel obligated to make a decision—one that can impact your life so much—just because of the baby. Simon and I can help you with it if need be. And if you don’t feel like that’s an option, well, there’s always abortion.”
My entire body stills. A hard ball lodges in my chest. “What? But…it’s your grandchild.”
“I know, but… Honestly, it’s better not to have a child if it’s unwanted.” Mom straightens her spine, pulling her shoulders back. “Marriage can have serious repercussions. When you marry somebody like Ryder, the effects are amplified. Don’t let one unintended pregnancy decide the rest of your life. You’re still so young. A responsibility as big as a child closes a lot of doors.”
I sit there in stunned silence, trying to process what she’s telling me. Mom isn’t saying anything outrageous. But the thought of terminating the pregnancy never occurred to me. And even now, the idea is just…alien.
“Don’t look at me like that, Paige. I’m not telling you to get rid of the baby. I’m telling you to consider all your options before making a decision. I don’t want to see you in pain. And frankly, I’m not sure if Ryder is the right man to make you happy. We’re just too different.”
“Obviously. He’s a big movie star.”
Mom shakes her head. “Even if he weren’t a movie star, we would still be too different. You saw how his parents were. When you marry someone, you’re marrying their family too.” There is an odd tension—and maybe a little fear? —in her gaze as she looks at me. “I’ve done everything I could to ensure that you have a good life. Your happiness is all that matters to me.”
Unable to speak, I nod.
She yawns. “Now, I should probably get some sleep. We have an early flight home tomorrow.”
“Ryder’s jet is very comfortable,” I say.
“I know. But I can’t sleep on planes.”
We walk back to the guest-house. I give her a tight hug and make my way back to my suite.
I open the small drawer in my vanity. Inside are a few grainy ultrasound prints. They show dates and a tiny—but growing—dot.
I run my finger over the sesame seed-sized cluster of cells that is my baby. It has complicated my life so much already. Not to mention, it is half Shaun, who is doing his best to ruin everything. But I can’t hate the baby. In spite of all that, the idea of losing it makes my chest hurt.
I’m hopelessly in love with the life growing in my womb. And I know I’m going to do everything in my power to protect it.
Chapter Six
Ryder
Something wakes me up.
I would’ve preferred some extra sleep. My head feels like there’s a platoon of Marines marching through it…all of them with jackhammers.
I flip onto my back, trying for some extra Zs, and wince. The pajamas I have on are constricting. I don’t even know who put me in them. I usually sleep in my boxer sh—
Raising my head, I look down at myself and curse. I’m not in pajamas, I’m still in the clothes I put on to go to the club. My head drops back on the pillow. I don’t need to consciously sniff to know that I stink.
Of course I know why I’m in this condition. It’s all that drinking and thinking about Paige’s ultimatum. I hate being cornered into making a decision. And despite what Elliot said, it’s not about what I want. No. It’s all about Paige’s threat.
I look at the bedside clock. Almost noon. There’s something I have to do… But what the hell was it?
I jackknife up, and pain explodes like a bomb in my head. I put the heels of both hands to my temples. Maggie and Simon are supposed to fly home this morning, and I was planning to go to the airport with them. But since I overslept, they probably left without me.
Gritting my teeth, I struggle up, swallow four aspirins, and drag myself into the shower. Getting out of my clothes is so difficult I seriously consider just walking into the stall with them on. But eventually I’m nude and under the hot and cleansing water. It feels like heaven, and the temptation to linger is overwhelming. But, stuff to do. I change into a clean t-shirt and shorts and walk barefoot to the kitchen to get some coffee.