“So has she.” Megan cocked an eyebrow when Riley looked at her skeptically. “I’m just saying. Maybe she’s finally realized what you knew way back when.”
“You’re so full of shit.”
“Just think about it, all right? Seriously. Let it happen. If it wasn’t meant to be, then you’ll know and you can move on with your boring ass life.”
Riley stared at her as Megan got to her feet and walked to her room, closing the door behind her. She closed her eyes and sighed again. Was it really possible Vic could be interested in her? Her heart sped up at the thought, but her mind was screaming at her to slow down and be cautious. She forced her mind to shut down. At least the part that was trying to throw water on the fire she hadn’t felt in way too long.
* * *
Vic walked into the room she and Vanessa had shared for the first eighteen years of their lives, trying to be quiet so she didn’t wake her. For as big as this damn house was, she’d never understood why they always had to share a room. Even now. Vic would have thought their mother wouldn’t want them in the same room. After all, Vic’s lifestyle could rub off on Vanessa. It surprised Vic their mother had never touched this room in the twenty years since they’d left for college.
She glanced at the desk on her side of the room, and at the locked bottom drawer. What was in that particular drawer would no doubt melt her mother’s brain if she’d ever found it. Vic didn’t still have the key for it, but she knew how easy it was to get it open with a paper clip, so she sat down and picked the lock. Her heart was pounding as she pulled the drawer open and saw her journal sitting there, right where she’d left it.
After sparing a glance over her shoulder to make sure Vanessa was still asleep, she picked it up and opened it to the middle of their senior year, just as the winter break was beginning. She chose that time because it had been when she started to really consider those confusing feelings about Riley Warren.
God, how she’d wanted to kiss her earlier as they were standing outside the theater. She closed her eyes and let the feelings wash over her. When was the last time she’d ever felt excited about the prospect of seeing someone again? Oh, yeah, it was precisely never.
She moved to the bench in the bay window and began reading, thankful the moon was almost full so she didn’t have to turn a light on. She smiled at the first mention of Riley’s name and ran her fingers over it, remembering.
God, I am so over the way they’re treating Riley Warren and her friends. Nobody deserves to be bullied like that. They’re so cruel! Riley can’t help it if she’s poor and has to wear secondhand clothes to school. And as for her mother being a drunk? So not Riley’s fault. But what I hate the most is when they call her a dyke and a lesbo. I tried to come to her defense yesterday, but then they just started calling me those names. It bothers me that it bothers me, you know? But then I think, what if I am? I know I shouldn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of me, but I do care what Vanessa thinks. She’s so disgusted by the mere possibility someone in our school might be gay—how would she react if her own twin sister was? So, I can’t be a lesbian. But God, Riley confuses the hell out of me. I see her in the halls, and all I want to do is be near her. I sit next to her in English, and all I can think is how good she looks and smells, and I want to be even closer than our desks allow. My heart races, and my palms sweat, and I can’t stop thinking about her. I think I want to kiss her, but then I realize kissing her would never be enough. Damn it, I can’t wait for graduation, and then I can get out of this shit town and be away from her. Away from the one person I know I’ll never be able to have.
Vic looked up when she heard Vanessa stirring. She looked out the window and up at the sky, willing her to not wake up. She closed her eyes against the disappointment when she heard her speak.
“What are you doing?”
“Reading my old journal.”
“Jesus, it’s…” she paused as she picked up her phone from the bedside table and checked the time, “almost two in the morning.”
“I went to see Riley tonight.” Vic wished she hadn’t spoken the words out loud, because she knew Vanessa would now get up and want to talk.
“She got fat and ugly, didn’t she?” She squeezed Vic’s shoulder before taking a seat across from her in the window.
“You know damn well she didn’t,” Vic said, looking at her. Vanessa told her after the accident Riley looked even better now than she had in high school.
“Yeah, well, I was going into shock when I saw her,” Vanessa said with a chuckle. “Oh, and my legs were on fire at the time, so I don’t really know if I can trust what I saw was real.”
“It was,” Vic assured her, unable to hide her grin. “God, Vanessa, I don’t even know how to describe what I felt in her presence.”
“Well, you probably shouldn’t be too obvious about how you feel in public.”
“Why?” Vic looked at her, surprised. Vanessa had always been her greatest champion. Hell, she’d even made sure Martin was cool with her lesbian twin sister before she agreed to a second date. And now she was marrying him.
“You know how Vera is,” Vanessa said.
“I don’t give a rat’s ass how Vera feels about anything.”
“I know,” Vanessa said, raising her hands in defeat. “And she feels the same way. I hate it that you never come here with me.”
“I’m here now, because your wedding is such an important day for you. Any other time, I have no desire to subject myself to Vera’s judgmental bullshit.” Vic closed the journal and set it aside. She missed spending the holidays with her father and sister, but the animosity with her mother was too much to bear. That, and her mother made it clear she wasn’t welcome there. She’d graciously made an exception for Vanessa’s wedding. “She still thinks all I need is a good man to show me what I’m missing. You have no idea how much I want to tell her maybe she just needs a good woman to show her what she’s missing.”
“Oh, my God, if you ever do that, make sure I’m in the room.” They both laughed at the absurdity of it all. “I wouldn’t want to miss her reaction for the world.”
“I definitely will.” Vic stifled a yawn and stood. “We should probably go to bed before she comes and yells at us for making too much noise.”
“I think that may have been her favorite thing to do when we were younger.” Vanessa followed suit, and once they were both settled in bed, she spoke again. “Are you going to see Riley again?”
“We’re having coffee tomorrow morning,” Vic said, smiling even though she knew Vanessa wouldn’t be able to see her with the curtains now closed.
“Just be careful, okay? I know Vera doesn’t socialize much with the people in town, but I’m sure she has her circle of friends to keep her informed of all the goings on in Wolf Bay.”
“You mean the rumor mill? I’m sure she does.”
“I’m just looking out for you, you know?” Vanessa asked. “No need to have more stress than you already do.”
“I do know, and I appreciate it, Vanessa,” she said quietly. “Now I need to get some sleep before I have to deal with her again in the morning. Good night.”