“I won’t call you again. I’m just drunk, and Rylan’s woman was kidnapped and then she was there. Fuck. I’m such a fuckup.”
“Whoever she is, she’s lucky to have you, don’t you ever forget that,” she states and then the phone is silent.
Looking down, I realize she’s hung up on me, and I’m glad, she shouldn’t have even answered my call. I take another pull from my beer and curse when my phone rings. Frowning, I notice that it’s Rylan.
“Hey, you home today?” he asks.
I look down at the beer bottle in my hand, then at the fact that I’m wearing nothing but my boxer briefs and I grunt. “Yeah.”
“Good.”
He ends the call and I assume that means that he’ll be coming by later. Reluctantly, I decide to get up and shower. Stumbling around, it doesn’t take me long to feel human again, and slightly more sober than I did before I cleaned myself up.
Standing in the middle of my living room, I look around and I hate everything about my house. I bought it because I was making good money, and I’d hoped that I would find a woman to share it all with. I never did, not until Exeter, and she doesn’t want anything to do with me.
Frowning, I wonder if I could sell it and move out to the country. I think about Ford and his family ranch, how he’s out in the middle of nowhere and away from everyone. I want that. I want the freedom of being able to have a piece of Texas to call my own. A place where nobody can fucking bother me unless I want them to.
Taking my phone out, I sit down on my sofa and start looking. I want at least ten acres, maybe more if I can swing it. I may never have a family of my own, won’t ever have kids that run around the property that I buy. But Rylan and Channing will give me a family and I can’t wait to let their brood run amok wherever I land.
There’s a knock on my door, and I finally smile, for the first time in what feels like years. It might be a stupid decision, but I doubt it. Taking myself away from this place, a home that holds too much fucking hope for a future that probably won’t ever come to fruition, removing myself. It’s what I need, a fresh start, so to speak.
This is a home that a family is meant to fill. This place is supposed to have laughter and happiness, not the doom, gloom, and misery that I’ve filled it with for the past few years. With a nod, I make my decision.
Opening the door, I’m greeted with Rylan and Channing looking up at me. Both of them look happy, but something else lays beneath their eyes. Worry, doubt, and unease. I hate that for them, both of them. I tilt my head to the side with a smile.
“I wanted to talk to you, well, we wanted to talk to you,” Rylan finally mumbles.
EXETER
I sigh as I cuddle the newborn baby to my chest. “I’m sorry little lady, it’s going to be cold,” I warn.
Setting the baby down on the small bed pad that we use for baby’s first bath. This is my last patient to see before my end of shift and I can’t deny that I was more than happy to come in here and give the newborn her first bath, it’s my favorite part of this job.
“Is she okay?” the new mother asks from her bed.
She’s just had a cesarean section and can’t sit up more than where her bed is already placed. I look back to her as I open the small bottle of baby wash.
“She’s perfectly fine, can you see me from there?” I ask. “I’m going to give her a bath, then you get her right back.”
She hums and I watch her eyelids flutter closed. The baby wails, angry with me for taking her away from her nice warm burrito blanket wrapping. I coo at her and talk gently, my voice never rising as her small cries fill the room.
Once she’s clean and dry, I put a fresh diaper on her, then wrap her back in her blanket. The mother is sound asleep and alone. I frown, wondering where the father, or her family, is. Surely someone would want to cuddle this new life. Usually, the rooms are packed full with family and friends by this time.
Walking over to the new mother, I place my hand on her arm. Her eyes slowly flutter open and she gives me a small smile.
“Do you want her now?” I ask.
Without speaking, she holds out her arms and I slip the baby in them. As much as I want to, I don’t ask her where her family is, it’s not my place. I watch them for a moment, then finish checking on her and leave them alone to bond. Mother and baby, it’s a sight that makes my entire body ache, not just my heart, but my entire being.
“You clocking out?” Shirley asks.
She’s the charge nurse for my shift and always stays until the entire shift is clocked out.
I nod, giving her a smile. “I just checked on 2C, bathed the baby and left the two of them alone. I updated the chart,” I ramble, trying not to think about them being all alone.
“Sad about them,” she murmurs.
“Sad?” I ask.
Shirley bites the corner of her lip, then looks around to make sure that we’re alone. I’m typing in my time and logging out of the system as she speaks.
“Poor girl is all alone, the father up and left her a month ago. No note, no fuck you, nothing. She tracked him down in Llano. He’s shacked up with some other woman.” She shakes her head, her eyes softening as she looks toward the closed hospital room door.
“That’s terrible,” I admit.
My heart aches for her, for any woman in her position, but a brand new mother, set out to brave this cruel world alone. She’s braver than I was, than I could be. Closing my eyes, I inhale a deep breath, then let it out. I can’t think about my past, I can’t think about what I did. I know for a fact that my situation was different, that I did the right thing, even if it hurts like hell.
“It is. Men are scum,” she says with her face scrunched up like she’s smelled something bad.
I don’t argue with her. I know that Shirley has had some terrible men in her life. She probably does think that they’re all scum, I wouldn’t blame her. I haven’t seen many good men in my life either, but that’s where we differ.
I don’t allow myself to be vulnerable to them, so I haven’t been hurt by as many men as she has. I won’t let it happen. I’ve been hurt enough in life as a child, now that I’m an adult and in control of myself and my future, I have no desire to have myself shattered by a man from the inside out.
Lifting my hand, I give Shirley a wave goodbye as I shrug my purse over my shoulder. Keeping my head down, I wait for the elevator to open. Once I step inside, I push the parking garage button and let out a sigh.
The past few days have been extremely stressful, add to that a twelve-hour shift and I’m just plain exhausted. The elevator car stops on the cardiology floor and I hold my breath, like I do every single time it stops on this damn floor. I see a hand hold the doors open and I try not to let out a groan when he steps inside of the car.
“Exeter,” he says, his voice full of surprise as he walks inside and stands just a little too close to me.
“Elijah,” I grind out, forcing a smile as I tip my head back to look up at him.
He has his chin dipped, his green eyes are too intently focused on me. Elijah was one of my biggest mistakes. We had sex at the Christmas party last year. We were both drunk and he was being extra flirty. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I allowed things to go too far.