Cal chuckled. “You think that’s bad? She sent me a photo while I was gone of her and the cats with a text message that read: I’m up to my eyeballs in pussy. Hope you are too.” He shook his head. “It wasn’t what I intended to use my international data plan for, but it was my fault for telling her I got one. Over the course of the week, she sent me sixty messages and at least a dozen pictures and videos.” He shrugged and grinned. “She’s nuts, but I guess that’s why we love her.”
He wasn’t wrong there. Being best friends with Cal meant dealing with Lex’s personal style of insanity for well over a decade. I was a trained professional.
While Cal rattled off random stories from his honeymoon, all talks of the pool temporarily forgotten, I half listened and half put together an estimate for Alexis’s cat condo. Sure, I quoted all top-grade materials including quartz countertops and bamboo flooring, I even added gold leafing to the ceilings, bringing the grand total to over seventy thousand dollars.
Don’t worry. Before I hit send, I made sure to deduct her Friends and Family discount of fifty dollars. I was a real giver like that.
Her text reply was so fast that I wasn’t sure how she’d had time to even download my proposal.
Lex: Seventy Gs?! Have you lost your board-cutting, lumber-yard-loitering, power-tool-crazed ever-loving mind?
Me: Sticker shock? Cat mansions aren’t cheap, Kid.
Lex: Being a CEO has gone to your head. You egocentric, price-gouging whoremonger. What exactly is the point of having a contractor for a best friend?
Me: Well, obviously my stunning good looks and flawless wit. Why else?
Lex: Stunning? Flawless? So humble. No wonder my cats hate you.
I chuckled and clicked the reply button when Cal’s voice broke through my thoughts.
“And then a gang of iguanas swarmed our room, grabbed Vanessa, and dragged her into the woods to be their new queen.”
I leaned back in my chair and stared at Cal. “Wait, what? Whose queen?”
He shot me a glower. “Oh, good. I have your attention again.”
“Sorry, Lex was just—”
“Lex is always just fill-in-the-blank-with-something-ridiculous-and-crazy with you these days. I swear, you two are like an old married couple at this point.”
“What the hell are you talking about? Of course we’re closer now. You abandoned us and spent the last six months planning a three-ring circus with Vanessa. For real, man. I was shocked she allowed you to attend your own bachelor party.”
He arched an eyebrow incredulously. “You mean the bachelor party you invited my sister to? Let me tell you, there wasn’t enough eye bleach in the world to end my suffering after watching my Lex tuck dollar bills into a stripper’s thong with her teeth.”
I barked a loud laugh. “Okay, first off. She wasn’t a stripper, nor was she wearing a thong. She was a bartender who danced on the bar for one song. You were just too damn busy standing outside, talking to your fiancée on the phone, to see the part where Lex took a shot from her cleavage. She had to pay for the drink somehow.”
His mouth fell open, and I paused for a brief second.
“You know what? On second thought, it’s probably good you missed that.”
He nodded emphatically. “Ya think?”
“Relax. It was a fun night.”
“It was, but only because watching Lex hustle you out of a hundred dollars on the pool table really took the sting out of the dancing bartender.”
“How the hell is she so good at pool? Did you have a table growing up?”
“Nope.” He stood from his chair. “How is she so good at everything competitive? It’s Lex. I’ve learned not to question or challenge the secrets of the universe.” Heading for the door, he shoved his hand into the pocket of his slacks. Yes, he was wearing khakis on a Saturday. How we were friends, I’d never understand.
“Where are you going? You didn’t finish telling me about Bermuda.”
“I’m going to find my wife while you sit and giggle on the computer with my sister all day. Tell her I said hi. I’m sure you’ll see her before I do.”
“Not if you actually showed up to Huey’s on Thursday!” I called after him. “Last I checked, you’re allowed to have a life even after you get married.”
He stopped at the door and turned to face me. “One day, Hudson, you’ll meet a woman who will actually want to put her mouth on your cock, and I promise you hanging out at Huey’s, playing Laverne and Shirley with Lex, will no longer be a priority for you, either.”
“You’re a dick.” I laughed and rocked back in my chair. Though he…had a point. A blow job did sound pretty fucking nice. “We can talk about the plans for the pool if you show on Thursday.”
“No pool. Just be a normal person for once and go buy a damn set of crystal salt and pepper shakers like everyone else.”
My brow shot up my forehead. “Shit. Who buys crystal salt and pepper shakers?”
He let out a long-suffering sigh. “Judging by the box of them in my car on the way back to Pottery Barn, about thirty percent of our wedding guests.” He patted the door frame. “I’ll try to make it on Thursday, but if Vanessa surprises me with more lingerie, just know that I love you like a brother, but I’ll never choose you over that.”
I gave him a curt nod. “I would expect nothing less, Dr. Targaryen.”
With that, he was gone, and I spent the next hour going back and forth with Lex over a damn cat condo.
Shit…did that make me Laverne or Shirley?
It was that time again. Sunday lunch with my mom and dad. Only, this week, I was solo. No Cal and Vanessa because they’d just returned from their honeymoon on the Island of Misfit Toys. Not even their wedding plans were left to dominate the conversation. Hudson hadn’t been able to make it because of work, so I couldn’t even fall back on them fawning over Jack.
In a nutshell, I was preparing to get railroaded by both of them and considered giving my worrywart parents a rain check. The problem with that was they’d still ask questions. They’d still worry. They’d still meddle. They’d still be Judy and David Lawson—just over the phone.
Make no mistake. My parents were basically the best. They’d loved us. Provided for us. Given us a dreamlike childhood. Practically cheered all of us through high school and college. And they were an excellent example of what a marriage could—and should—be.
As I drove down their boulevard, I wondered if I’d already missed my shot at even a fraction of what they’d built together. But before I got all up in my own head—Lord knew my parents would do it for me—I distracted myself with thoughts of the flirtatious FedEx guy.
By the time I pulled into their drive, I was fantasizing about two or thirty-six naughty things I’d like to do to him and at least ninety lewd things I’d let him do to me. I stepped out of my Kelly Blue Book Top-Safety-Rated Thank You Very Much GMC Acadia to find my favorite seven-year-old ambling down the driveway next door. With a game in his hands, he didn’t even notice when he’d passed the back door to his mom’s car, but he paused when he hit the trunk and looked up.