“Yesterday?” I think dazedly. I lost almost an entire day. I can’t afford to do that.
I belatedly realize what he just said. “There’s nothing to talk about. I was obviously emotional about what happened,” I tell him defensively.
“Valentina—”
“Please,” I cut him off. “Please just let this go. I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” It’s a fool’s mission at this point to think I can wait until the very end to tell him.
But I just need a little longer. Especially with everything that happened yesterday. They’ll stay because I’m dying, not because they actually want to.
I don’t want that. I never wanted pity when I started on this journey. All I wanted was love.
Carter stares at me for a long time. He has shadows under his eyes, like he was up all night worrying about me.
And maybe he was.
Yes, I’m going to have to tell them soon.
Just not today.
There’s another knock on the door, and Logan and Quaid wander in. Both their postures are stiff, as if all the days of our trip so far had never happened. Quaid looks like he’s going to be sick. Or maybe hungover. I’ve had enough experiences with that to recognize it in someone else.
Logan just looks miserable. Like he wants to be anywhere but here.
“Hi,” I say shyly, smoothing my hair behind my ears. I’m sure I look a mess. When you have curly hair, you can’t just go to bed after a bath, and that’s exactly what I did. There’s a stark silence in the room, and then Quaid is stalking towards me. He’s on his knees at the edge of the bed before I know it.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Princess,” he says in a choked voice. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Suddenly, I’m suspicious.
“Why?” I ask.
All three of them look at me quizzically.
“Why are you here?” I take my time looking at the three of them, looking for pity or anything really that will tell me why everything is different today when they were so sure they were done yesterday.
They all shift uneasily. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “I need you here because you love me,” I begin softly. “Not for any other reason. If that’s not why you’re here, I want you to leave.” I look at all of them fiercely. They obviously know something, but as long as they don’t know what that something is, then what I’m asking shouldn’t be impossible.
“Val, we’ve all agreed to share—” begins Quaid.
“For now,” cuts in Carter, although he only says it halfheartedly, which is honestly marked improvement for him.
Quaid rolls his eyes. “We’ve all agreed to share. I don’t think we can promise it’s going to go smoothly. But walking out that door made me feel like my heart was being ripped in two. I didn’t remember how much pain it felt to lose you.”
My hands tremble as I bring my blanket up to my chin, trying to control the emotions parading through my body. I know exactly what he means. The pain I felt yesterday…
I don’t think I could live through that again.
There’s a tense silence.
“Can I talk to Valentina alone?” Logan asks stiffly.
Carter growls next to me, but he reluctantly gets off the bed and stalks out, sending me a glance over his shoulder that makes promises to me that I’m desperate for him to keep.
Quaid gives me a pleading glance as he gets off his knees. He puts a knee on the bed and leans over me, leveling me with a deep kiss, like he never wanted to stop, like he couldn’t get enough.
I let out a soft cry when he pulls away, and he shoots me his trademark smirk, everything about him looking more lively and refreshed than when he first entered the room.
“There will be plenty more where that came from,” he says before striding towards the door. I can’t see the look he throws at Logan, but I get the gist from the way that Logan’s mouth tightens when they lock eyes.
And then Quaid is out the door, and it’s just Logan and I.
I shift nervously in the bed, wondering how I could have been naked under this man just yesterday, and now today, he might as well just be a stranger.
I’m wearing nothing but an oversized shirt that hits right at my knees, Carter’s I would assume. I slide out of the bed, holding the shirt down so I don’t flash him as I move. I feel awkward, but I need to be closer to Logan. I can’t stand this distance. It’s just a couple of feet, but it may as well as be miles with how he’s acting.
He watches me blankly. I can’t tell what he’s thinking at all as I approach him. I stop just a foot away, my gaze begging him…for anything.
Suddenly, he steps forward, crashing his lips against mine, cutting off all the words I can say. His kiss is desperate. He’s speaking to my soul through this kiss, and I try my best to answer him, kissing him back as good as I’m getting.
The kiss spirals higher and higher, until I finally have to pull away and gasp for breath. I waver unsteadily on my feet, definitely not healed from yesterday. I’m gripping at his shirt, and I release it quickly as the cuts on my hands blare with pain. He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes closed as our breaths tangle together.
“I need to know something,” he says roughly, obviously just as taken with the kiss we just shared as I am. “I need to know that you would love me, even if Quaid and Carter weren’t in the picture. I need to know that I’m more than a package deal, that you see me. I’m not a football star, I don’t create art. I’m not funny or mysterious.”
He laughs bitterly.
“Maybe I don’t even know who I am anymore.” He sighs, and my heart breaks at the amount of self-loathing in just that small sound. “I just need to know that you see me.”
He keeps his eyes closed, like he can’t bear to see my face and what I’m thinking.
I’m quiet for a moment, enough that he starts to tremble like he’s expecting the worst.
“Oh, Logan,” I finally say, tears threaded throughout my voice. “You’ve never been a package deal. I’m sorry if you ever felt that way.”
I pull back and take his face in my hands carefully. His eyes open, and he looks at me hopefully, and the yearning I see in his gaze humbles me.
“I see you. I see your heart, and I love it so much. I see the boy who made sure I had tampons for my first period. The one who stood in front of our whole class and read a poem he wrote just for me. I see the boy who has always been by my side. I see how you’ve always been there for me. I see the sweetness you show to just me. I see the man you’ve become, who gave me a chance right away, despite the fact that I don’t deserve it. I’d be broken if a single part of you changed from who you are today. I see you, Logan Cooper, and I’ve never stopped seeing you. I’m incomplete without you, and that doesn’t change regardless of anyone else. I love you.”
“Say it again,” he says roughly, his eyes alight with a passion that sets my heart on fire with the passion in their depths.
“The whole thing?”
“Say it again, that you love me.”
I press a soft kiss on his lips. “I love you, Logan Cooper. I’ll love you for my whole life, and on and on for forever after that. I love you.”