TOM: I’ve forgotten, it’s been so long! (Is that how you’re supposed to text-flirt? Tirt? Flext?)
RUSTY: Hopefully it’s still long. And hard, and other great adjectives.
TOM: If I weren’t so worried about data security, I’d think about showing you.
I laughed. Apparently I’d found the one guy who didn’t have a phone camera roll full of nudes these days.
TOM: But first, another date? Lunch?
Damnit, I regretted that lunch meeting today.
RUSTY: Can’t do today, but lunch tomorrow? And I can squeeze a dance lesson in tomorrow night, if you’re still interested.
I didn’t want him to book dance lessons with me if he thought he had to do that to see me again.
TOM: Oh, I’m all in, Rusty. I have to go do some work, but how about I call you tonight?
There was no mistaking his intentions in those words.
I tossed my phone on the couch, leaped to my feet, and clapped with excitement. Having that to look forward to made up for my moment of sadness this morning. Then I picked it up again and composed myself.
RUSTY: Yes please!
I chewed my lip as I sat down, trying to bring my mind back to work. It was hard, when all I wanted to do was daydream about my date with Tom tomorrow afternoon.
I couldn’t get his words out of my head: I’m all in, Rusty.
That was what I wanted, right? So why did a prickle of nervousness flush through my body? It felt like more than excitement about the date.
Giving up on the song currently on repeat, I hit pause and went to get more coffee and then stared out the window of my little downtown studio. I didn’t have much furniture, and what I had was pushed against the walls. That way, I could keep the middle of the space clear to dance.
Tom was just coming into himself. What if he was going through the same thing I had, at first—learning what he liked, coming out of his shell—and then he settled down with someone more like him?
We weren’t close in age, and that would raise eyebrows. I didn’t know how my family would react, but I also sensed that Tom was particularly sensitive to others’ opinions.
Plenty of guys were closer to his age, with a house and respectable job and 401k. I was a flighty young guy renting a tiny place on my own, teaching classes as and when I could, whose idea of savings was a paycheck big enough to go shopping at Whole Foods.
Besides… how would Tom know what he wanted, if I was the only man he’d been with? Tom deserved to stretch his wings and explore. To be free, for the first time in his life.
I didn’t want that responsible soul to feel like he had to date me to preserve my honor. In fact, I really really really wanted him to defile my honor at least once a day. I might be over hookups, but if Tom wanted to experiment, I’d throw myself at him quite happily.
“Mmm,” I sighed and shivered. My cheeks flushed with pleasure at the idea. I wanted to show him not just the bedroom, but the whole gay world. Tom was safe exploring with me.
Speaking of which, our date this weekend called for something more special than my usual client-meeting outfit.
So, after my morning of choreography and my lunchtime meeting, I called Alec, let it ring once, and hung up. That was my signal to call back when he was free, since it wasn’t urgent. This week, God only knew how his schedule looked.
I wasn’t surprised that it took an hour or so for my oldest brother to call back. “Hey,” Alec greeted. “Sorry. I only just got the whole Walker circus out of my shop.”
“Oh, shit. That fun, huh?”
“It could be worse. Today was the finishing touches on Beth’s dress. But then Dill and Griff showed up, and all the bridesmaids, and it starts to feel like a zoo in here. It went well, though. I’m almost done with everything. So, what’s up? Just calling to chat?”
“Well, since you’re so efficient, how do you feel like making me something custom this week?” I grinned to myself. Having a big brother with talents like his came in handy. All of our prom outfits had always been spectacular.
“Oh, I should have known you wanted something from me,” Alec lamented, but I knew how pleased he was to be asked. “What are you putting me through now?”
“Well, um…” I fidgeted with my phone and blushed. “Something custom for the wedding this weekend? To match the other outfits? Without looking like I’m part of the wedding party, of course.”
There was a long silence—maybe five seconds.
And my stupid mouth kept going.
“Like, Tom’s outfit. Whatever you’re doing for him. Maybe just something the same color. A jacket? I can wear my usual black pants.”
“Rusty?” Alec questioned at last. “When’s your first class today?”
“I’ve got a couple of hours.”
“Good. Get your ass over here, right now,” Alec said.
I laughed, but my cheeks burned. I had no idea how I was going to keep this secret from Alec now—and, by extension, the rest of my family.
But I didn’t want to hide it, either. It was like a beacon in my chest, and I wanted to shine it to the whole wide world.
I wanted everyone to know how happy Tom made me, and how kind and sweet and shy he was, and what dreams I had for a life with him. But my worries held me back, like an iron cage around the songbirds of happiness in my chest.
“Okay. I’m on my way.”
One quick drive later, I pulled open the door of Best Dressed, and Alec didn’t even wait for the door to close before he folded his arms and tutted at me.
“There you are, young man,” he said, a twinkle in his eye as he raised his eyebrow. “Are you going to the Walker wedding with Tom?”
There’s no point in lying. My cheeks flushed as I grinned at him, breathless with happiness. “Yes.”
“And you didn’t mention this until now?” Alec was ruffling through fabric rolls, plucking a creamy white brocade fabric swatch and holding it up in midair in front of me like he was envisioning it.
“I didn’t ask him out until last night.”
“Aha,” Alec exclaimed, his brows flying into his hairline. “Last night, hm?”
I knew what he was thinking—that we’d hooked up, and now I was trying to draw out a quick fling into a week-long sex-fest. Not that many years ago, I would have done exactly that.
But not this time. Not with Tom.
“No!” I protested. “It’s not like that.”
Alec’s brows sank again, and so did his hand, holding the brocade swatch. “Really? You and Tom?”
My smile was impossible to hide. “Yeah,” I breathed out. “I mean, I hope. We’ve only gone on one date so far. I’m seeing him again tomorrow. But—Alec, don’t tell Dill. Or the others. I really don’t want to scare him off. He’s not closeted, but he’s still so new to gay dating since the divorce—”
Alec held up a hand to cut me off. “I won’t say anything,” he promised, looking amused. “My God. Now I have a little brother dating the father of the bride? Who on earth gave me all these brothers to make my hair go gray?”
“Mom did. Blame her,” I advised him and flopped into a chair nearby. “So, a jacket?”
“Lucky for you,” Alec informed me, whipping a tape measure out and grabbing my elbow to haul me back to my feet, “I can just about fit it into my week. Let’s make sure you haven’t added any muscle without telling me.”