“Stanford is tough to get into. I made a great decision,” I argue.
“Sure, it’s one of many great colleges, but it was on the other side of the country.”
“What’s your point here?” I ask.
“Where did you go to law school?” Cass says. “Stanford again because you were already there!”
“I was and I got accepted. It’s a top school,” I point out.
“And then there was Camilla…” she starts.
Blowing out a heavy exhale, I say, “What about her?”
“She picked out her own engagement ring!” Cass yells so loudly that several birds take flight from the trees around us.
“Lots of women pick out their own rings. It’s easier than getting one she would hate.”
Straddling the log to turn and face me, she says, “Xavier, she choose the ring she wanted you to buy her, put it on her finger, and declared that you two were going to get married! You never actually proposed.”
“We…talked about it first and agreed it was what we both wanted,” I say.
“She planned a wedding and told you when and where to show up and what to wear.”
I open my mouth to argue, but I can’t with that last statement. “Okay, so I didn’t want to plan the wedding. It was easier for Camilla to pick out the flowers and shit she liked.”
“What she liked, yes. But what about what you like?” Cass asks me.
“I just wanted to marry her. I didn’t care about the details.”
“Did you want to marry her, or did you just go along with what Camilla wanted?”
“I know you don’t like her, and she was a bitch to you, but she wasn’t all bad.”
“Then why aren’t you two still married?” Cass asks.
“It’s complicated,” I blurt out as I get to my feet, needing an outlet for the anger just thinking about how badly she hurt me.
“You can talk to me, Xavier,” Cass says as I pace through the leaves with both of my fists clenched with the urge to hit something. It’s not a new sensation but one I’ve dealt with my entire life, suppressing the rage deep inside of me that craves physical violence as a way to eliminate the pain.
“I don’t really want to talk about it,” I reply. “I loved her and meant it when I said I was in our marriage for life.”
“I know you did. I’m so sorry your marriage didn’t work out, Xavier.”
“I feel like the biggest fool for not seeing it sooner,” I tell her. “My head is all fucked up, and I don’t know what to do with all of this-this…”
“This what?” Cass asks.
“Self-doubt. I’ve never been insecure before, you know? Like it’s my fault our marriage fell apart.”
“Xavier, I’m sure it wasn’t you. It was her.”
“What if it was both of us?” I ask.
“I-I honestly don’t know,” she replies. “Have you…talked to her?”
“No,” I answer with a shake of my head. “I haven’t spoken to her in months after I moved my things out.”
“Where have you been staying?”
“At the gym on a cot.”
“You’re too big for a cot,” she says.
“No shit,” I grumble. “But I just couldn’t go back to our apartment and didn’t know where else to go. A hotel room for more than a few nights would’ve been outrageous.”
“Yeah,” Cass agrees. “At least now you can move back home to train. You can stay with me for however long you need while you look for a place of your own.”
“Maybe…” My first thought was to say hell yes. I would love nothing more than spending more time with Cass. But both of us sleeping in her house? Eventually, I would have a moment of weakness seeing her beautiful face and sexy body every day. And I would probably end up hurting Cass and ruining our friendship when I couldn’t give her more.
I need her in my life more than I need her in my bed. Other than my family, Cassidy’s the only person who has always been there for me.
Chapter Ten
Cassidy
I can’t believe it’s finally happening – Xavier may be moving back home!
I’ve been waiting for this moment for ten years, missing him like crazy for each and every single minute.
Not only is he probably moving back, but he’s single again, which makes me wonder if it’s finally time for me to tell him the truth about how I feel about him.
I didn’t tell him in high school because he was my one and only friend. Then, in college, he was too far away, so even if he felt the same way about me, which I don’t believe he did, long distance never would have worked.
Now though? All it will take is a leap of faith to find out if he wants to cross the friend line and we could actually be together.
Am I willing to risk the fallout?
Losing Xavier as a friend would be devastating, but the last twenty years haven’t exactly been easy, keeping my feelings for him all bottled up. Even if Xavier tells me he doesn’t want to be more than friends, at least I’ll finally know and be able to move on. Holding out hope for something that may never happen is becoming depressing and exhausting.
It’s time to go for it. We’re up here in the mountains alone, and I don’t think he would up and leave me here. We could just have a conversation, and he’ll say yes or no, and then we can go from there.
“Xavier…” I start and then pause, trying to find the words to tell my best friend that I’m in love with him. That I’ve loved him for so long it hurts and that I hope he feels the same way.
His pacing pauses, and then he turns to me and says, “My parents think I should give Camilla a second chance.”
What the everloving fuck?
“That’s…that’s…”
“Stupid, right?” he finishes for me. Running his fingers through the front of his hair, he says, “Apparently they had a falling-out years ago and separated when I was only three or four, before Macy was born.”
“Really?” I ask in surprise.
“Yeah. I had no clue. My dad said he thought they were headed for divorce, but my mom gave him another chance and let him move back in.”
“What did he do?”
“I don’t know, neither of them told me what the argument was about,” Xavier says. “But they made up, so that’s all that matters now.”
“But I thought you’ve already finalized the divorce, so why would you want to have to see or talk to Camilla again?” I ask.
“I know,” he agrees before his pacing resumes. Then I notice the glint from his left hand that he’s fidgeting with. How did I miss that before? He’s still wearing his wedding band. “My mom and dad both said everyone makes mistakes and deserve a chance to make amends. One day, I probably will have to talk to her to figure out what went wrong,” he says, making me want to slap him across his handsome face.
“You don’t need to talk to her, because I’m sure you didn’t do anything wrong. Even if you didn’t, she may be pissed and lie to say something just to hurt you now that it’s over.”