He’d fallen asleep or passed out or something, but he wasn’t gone yet.
After a few minutes, he went to find Martha, asking her to sit with his grandfather for a while. She was happy to, so he grabbed a six-pack of beer out of the refrigerator and started to walk.
He ended up a few miles away, in a spot he hadn’t realized he was heading toward. A secluded nook outside town on a hill but protected from the wind by surrounding boulders. It was the perfect vantage point to see a small lake. He and Ria had found the spot in high school, and they’d gone there often to be alone. Ria would always bring a blanket for them to sit on. Sometimes they’d bring a picnic.
They’d had sex in this spot the evening of graduation. Their one and only time.
He didn’t know why or how he’d ended up there, but he sat down on the damp grass, his back against one of the boulders, and he started to drink.
RIA WAS HAVING A VERY bad day. She’d spent the night tossing and turning and thinking about Jacob, sometimes burning with a desire for him that wouldn’t go away and sometimes crying over how it had felt when he left her.
The shop was open for four hours on Saturday morning since they often got good business then, so she was busy enough in the morning to ignore the state of her emotions. But the afternoon was empty, and the only thing that was filling it were anxious thoughts of Jacob.
She was supposed to be helping Belinda reorganize the kitchen cabinets in their parents’ old house—which they still shared—but she wasn’t very good company, and finally Belinda demanded that she just leave until she was in a decent mood.
Skye was busy with her family this afternoon, so Ria called up Madeline instead.
Madeline listened to her rambles for a while and then finally said, “Don’t get mad at me, Ria, but this sounds like more than the normal awkwardness at seeing an ex after a long time apart.”
“I know,” Ria admitted. Her voice wobbled dangerously. “I know it does.”
“You still have feelings for him?”
“I didn’t think I did. I mean, I really thought I was over him and moving on with my life. But it seems like maybe... maybe...”
“Do you want a relationship with him again?”
“No!” Ria didn’t mean to sound so urgent, so she tempered her tone. “I mean, I don’t think so. It would never work. It’s just that I still... I still want him. If you get what I mean.”
“I do. I get it. Okay. I’m not good at this since I’ve only ever had one boyfriend, and I’ve never broken up with him, but do you think the problem is you never got any real closure with Jacob? He just up and left without any warning, so it kind of left you hanging all this time. Maybe you should try to talk things out with him. If it felt more settled in your own heart, maybe you could finally really move on.”
“Maybe.” Ria had to take a few slow breaths since she was so emotionally on edge. “I just hate feeling like this.”
“I know you do. I totally understand. Do you think you could try to talk to him?”
“Y-yes. I mean, yes. I should. I need to. It’s not going to be fun, but that’s what I should do.”
“So why don’t you go over to the house and do it right now?”
“Now?”
“Why not? Wouldn’t it be better to just get it over with?”
“Maybe.”
“Ria.”
“I know. I know. I’ll do it. I promise I will. I just need to figure out what I want to say first.”
“Okay. But promise me you’ll do what you can to talk to him today. That way I know you won’t chicken out.”
“Fine. I promise. I’ll talk to him today.”
“Good. Report back as soon as you do.”
Ria hung up on her friend and stared at her phone for a long time. Madeline was right. She almost always was.
It felt painfully hard, but talking to Jacob was what she needed to do. But first she wanted to process her own feelings so she’d know what to say when she talked to him. On a whim, she got in her car and drove over to the spot that had been so special to her and Jacob.
They’d had sex there.
They’d spent hours there.
If there was anywhere that could give her some perspective, maybe that spot could.
So grabbed an old blanket out of her trunk so she wouldn’t have to sit on the grass and headed uphill to a familiar grouping of boulders.
She gave a little squeal of surprise when she found the spot was already occupied.
Jacob. Slumped against one of the boulders, his long legs outstretched, and a bottle of beer in his hand.
He didn’t look remotely surprised by her presence. His eyelids were heavier than they should be as he turned to gaze up at her.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t realize you’d be here.”
“I didn’t realize it either. Just ended up here somehow.” He patted the grass beside him. “Plenty of room for you.”
She hesitated, but it would be ridiculous to turn around and leave. She’d resolved to talk to him, so she might as well do it right now. He was there, and she was there. This spot was as good as anywhere else. “I’m going to sit on this blanket since I thought the grass might be damp.”
“Ah. Good thinking. I don’t mind admitting to you that my ass is a little bit wet.”
She giggled. Couldn’t help it. “How much have you had to drink?”
“This is just my second beer. It’s been a weird day.”
“For me too.”
He got up without another word and helped her spread out the blanket, folding it in half for more protection against the moisture. Then they sat side by side and stared at the view of the lake in front of them.
Jacob popped the top off a bottle of beer and handed it to her. “Do you come here a lot?”
She took a swig before she replied, “No. Not really. Not in ages.”
“Yeah. I didn’t think so. You’ve left me far behind.”
With an indignant huff, she lowered the bottle of beer she’d been about to sip. “That’s not even remotely fair. You’re the one who left me.”
“I know. I left. But I never really left you behind.” He wasn’t looking at her. He was staring into the distance, looking very far away. “You were always right there. With me. No matter where I went. I could never run far enough to get away from you.”
“Jacob?” she breathed, shocked and confused and throbbing with feeling.
“What?” He finally turned to meet her eyes. He’d said he hadn’t even had two full beers, but he looked oddly woozy. Not with it at all.
“What exactly are you saying?”
“I don’t even know.”
“If you felt that way, why did you leave me? Why didn’t you just come back?”
“I couldn’t.” He was staring into the distance again, almost like he was talking to himself.
“Why not? Tell me why.”
“Grandfather kicked me out.”
That was the last thing in the world she expected. Her voice squeaked. “What?”
“He kicked me out. He told me he wasn’t going to support me anymore. Wasn’t going to pay for college. That I was on my own.”