I shake my head. “It can’t happen, Archer. I wish it could. More than you know.”
God, I missed him so much. It still hurts.
“You can’t stay.”
But he doesn’t respond. He just looks down the beach and then gestures with a shake of his head.
“How far are we going?”
“Not much farther.” I gesture ahead. “See those two rocks there?”
“The ones a half a mile away?”
I laugh and look up at him. “You’re an athletic guy. An extra half-mile won’t hurt you.”
“You were never the sporty type,” he says.
“I decided to start exercising more when all of this started,” I admit. “I’ve always been an introvert. That hasn’t changed, but I didn’t realize that being isolated could be so lonely. And one of the things I found that helps is working out. I do yoga and meditation most mornings, and I like to come out here to walk or run in the afternoon if the weather isn’t too bad.”
“Run, you say?”
“Sure.”
“I’ll race you, then.”
And he takes off jogging. I pause, just to watch his sexy body from behind. Tight ass, broad shoulders, muscular back. I need to soak it all in because in a couple of hours, he’ll be gone, and these few stolen moments on the beach are all I’ll have to hold close.
Holy hell in a handbasket, he’s hot.
I take off, enjoying the push and pull of my muscles as I sprint closer to him and then run past him, reaching the rocks a good twenty yards ahead of him.
We stop and bend at the waist, trying to catch our breath.
“Holy shit,” he says as he works to take in air. “You’re fucking fast.”
“Been doing it a while.” And I wanted to impress you.
Which is kind of dumb, but there you have it. The appreciation in his bright blue eyes was worth every step.
“These are nice,” he says, gesturing to the houses on the bluffs. “Why didn’t you go for one? Looks like several are for sale.”
“I don’t make that kind of money at my job. I couldn’t afford one of these,” I say, shaking my head. “And, yes, my grandmother made sure my bank account has a couple million dollars in it, but it would look crazy if I bought one of these places and then collected my salary. I’d stand out, and the whole point is to blend. Besides, I like my little place.”
“It’s cute,” he agrees. “Small.”
“It didn’t feel small until you were in it.” I laugh and take a deep breath, soaking in the salty air. “It’s always just been me.”
“Always?”
I know what he’s asking. Has there been anyone since him?
“I haven’t been a nun,” I admit, making him scowl. “But I haven’t been in a serious relationship since you, Archer. How could I when the entire relationship would be based on lies? I couldn’t even tell him, whomever he may be, my real name. You can’t build anything on lies. And I have to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. So, yes, it’s always just been me in my cottage.”
“I shouldn’t be jealous,” he says. He’s caught his breath, and with his hands in his pockets, he stares out at the water. “It’s been a long time, and of course, you’re not a nun. But I’m jealous all the same. And relieved.”
“Relieved that I’m an old maid?”
He turns to me now. “You’re not an old maid. But I am relieved that you don’t belong to anyone.”
“I belong to me. And that’s how it will always stay, Archer.”
He nods once and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me against his side. “What are you going to feed me for dinner?”
“We literally ate lunch right before we came here.”
“That was at least an hour ago.”
“How do you eat so much and still look like this? It shouldn’t be possible.”
“Genetics.” He kisses my hair, and I melt against him. Archer was always physically affectionate. It was something I had to get used to because my parents were distant, and the only one I was close to who hugged me was Grandma.
I didn’t realize I was so starved for touch.
But not just any touch. Archer’s.
I fit against him perfectly, my shoulder under his armpit. My arm around his waist. His lips planted on the top of my head.
I don’t want it to end.
“We could do spaghetti,” he suggests, making me laugh. “You always made a really good sauce.”
“It’s gotten better since I last saw you.”
“Don’t tease me,” he says. “My fragile stomach can’t handle it.”
“I’ll prove it. And just so you know, I know this trick. I’m not giving in to your reverse psychology.”
“You totally are. It’s okay. I’m charming, remember?”
“I never should have told you that. It just inflates your ego.” I stop and turn into him, burying my face in his hard chest, clinging to him with everything I have. “You can’t stay, Archer. This is me digging in my heels and telling you no. You can’t stay in Bandon.”
He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just brushes his fingers up and down my arms, and then circles his arms around me and pulls me close.
“You’ve been the love of my life since I was a junior in high school and I saw you sitting with Stasia in the cafeteria. You’re everything, E, even after all this time. And that won’t ever change.”
“Archer—”
“Listen.” He catches my chin with his finger and makes me look him in the eyes. His are that insane bright blue and churning like the ocean behind him. “You’re everything. It feels like I’ve loved you my whole life.”
He always was good with words.
He doesn’t say anything else about staying with me. That was the best goodbye speech I’ve ever heard. He deserved to hear something that amazing when I left him all those years ago.
But I was young and didn’t know what the hell to do, except get as far away from him as possible. To keep him safe. To keep him whole.
We’re quiet on the walk back to the cottage. To my surprise, Archer strides right up the stairs to the loft and starts gathering his things, filling his bag.
“You don’t have to leave tonight.” I’m such an idiot, sending him mixed messages. But the thought of watching him walk away tears at my heart. “You could stay and get a fresh start in the morning. I’ll make the spaghetti.”
“It’s okay.” Once his bag is tucked in his car, he walks back up the steps to the front door and leans on the jam, smiling down at me in that way he always used to when he was particularly amused by me.
I have no idea what’s so damn funny about this. We’re saying goodbye for good.
“Thank you for coming. For taking me to Seattle. For everything.”
He pulls me in for another hug, holding me firmly.
God, this is killing me. Why did he have to come here in the first place?
“I love you, Elena,” he whispers. He kisses my forehead and then my lips. I feel it all the way to my toes, even though it’s the barest brush of skin against mine.