Linette snorted and gave me a sheepish look. “Don’t teas e me. I believe you actually might be right. It can’t be normal to be this obsessed about something. But what about you?” she asked, glancing at me sideways. “Any obsessions?”
That hit a nerve. How was I supposed to answer that? Tell her that she was my obsession? That even now, as we innocently walked towards the garden, I was fighting the urge to reach out and pull her into my embrace, kiss her senseless, and then have my way with her? That I would kill for her to run her fingers over my exposed skin and to tell me that she was as drawn to me as I was to her? That I wanted her to find me attractive despite my monstrous appearance?
Or was I supposed to tell her that the rare times I wasn’t fantasizing and pining over her, I was thinking of all the fucked-up ways I could kill, maim, and torture people?
“Yes,” I said evasively.
“Yes? And…?” Linette insisted, holding my gaze unwaveringly.
“And as the details might be traumatic, I’ll spare you,” I retorted in a non-committal fashion as we neared one of the ornate stone benches with a backrest.
I gestured for her to take a seat, but she just stood there, staring at me with a frown, a sliver of unease on her face. Her dark-blue gaze slipped over the remnants of the parasite I had once been and whose claws had fused into the lines of my neck and the base of my skull. Although she averted it quickly, my stomach knotted with a nauseous feeling as I realized where her thoughts had gone. It shouldn’t surprise me. What secret could I possibly have that might traumatize her other than this?
“It is not mind control, if that’s what you fear,” I said in a harsher tone than intended.
Her face heated with embarrassment, and she clearly struggled not to stare again at the proof of what I was but could never change.
“I had not expected a visitor, or I would have been more presentable,” I continued in a clipped tone. “If the sight of my body repulses you, I will go fetch my robe or at least a shirt.”
“No!” Linette exclaimed both shocked and visibly offended by my comment, which slightly took me aback. “I am not repulsed by your body. You are very well made, fit and muscular, and you have pleasant features. But it is true that this part of you intrigues me, if not slightly unnerves me,” she added, gesturing with her chin at the bug fused with my spine. “I’ve never seen one of you without coverings before. I meant no disrespect.”
My heart soared again, and my affection for my female further deepened. I didn’t need to read her mind to be convinced of the sincerity of her words. Her instinctive physical reaction alone had spoken volumes.
“Then go ahead. Look and sate your curiosity now that you have the opportunity,” I said, falling back on my mocking tone, which always helped me hide my insecurities or my vulnerabilities.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” Linette said, looking somewhat mortified. “I don’t want to put you on the spot or anything.”
“If it bothered me, I wouldn’t have offered. In case you haven’t noticed, I am not the most diplomatic person there is,” I added teasingly.
She snorted and mumbled something to the effect that it was indeed a fact. Despite her apparent reluctance, dictated more by politeness than anything else, I could feel curiosity bubbling inside her. What she didn’t understand was that I wanted her to look at me, to really look at me and see me for who and what I was.
“Go on,” I urged her, while turning sideways to give her a better view. “Or I’m going to start thinking you’re as skittish as those Coalition worms.”
I tauntingly laughed at her disbelieving gasp. Turning my head sideways, I held her gaze with a provocative smirk, daring her not to comply.
“I know what you’re doing,” she mumbled with a glare. “I’m not looking because you taunted me into it, but because I’m genuinely curious.”
“If you say so, human,” I said, my smile broadening.
Linette shook her head, looking like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to smile or give me a tongue lashing. Either way, I enjoyed her spirit. But my bravado quickly melted as the weight of her stare slowly roamed over me. I kept observing her reactions from the corner of my eye, fighting even more fiercely the urge to read her mind.
“Does it…?”
Linette chewed her bottom lip and didn’t finish her question. I turned my head even more to the side to better look at her.
“You can ask me any question. I have nothing to hide from you,” I said in all honesty.
She raised a dubious eyebrow, silently reminding me how I had dodged her earlier question. I chuckled and bowed my head in concession.
“Okay, you can ask me any other question but that one,” I amended. “In due time, when you know me a little better, I promise to answer the previous question, unless you figure it out on your own.”
She tilted her head to the side, looking at me as if I were some mystery she wanted to unravel, which I more than likely was to her.
“All right, but feel free to tell me to drop the subject if it makes you uncomfortable,” Linette said.
I nodded my assent.
“I was just wondering about… it,” Linette said, looking mightily ill at ease. “Is it still alive? I mean, I know that the original Scelk attached on your back can no longer live without this body. But are you still inside it or…? How I can say this?”
Despite this being an extremely sensitive topic for me, my poor woman’s obvious efforts to spare my feelings made me want to laugh and prompted me to end her misery.
“You are wondering if Varnog is still the parasite attached to this body and controlling it like a puppeteer,” I said matter-of-factly.
The female pilot’s eyes bulged, and she gaped at me, robbed of speech for a second.
“Wow! That is not how I would have worded it,” Linette said, staring at me in disbelief.
I chuckled and shrugged dismissively.
“But it still is the gist of what you wanted to ask,” I deadpanned.
“I… I guess, but the way you said it makes me sound like such an insensitive bitch,” Linette said with a frown.
I snorted. “How do my own words make you sound terrible? Your question is a fair one. I could let you beat around the bush for the next ten minutes, feeling increasingly uncomfortable, or I could put an end to your pain by rephrasing your inquiry into plain—although crude—words. It is a valid question so stop fretting so much. Or are you implying that I am a sensitive little flower with easily bruised feelings?”
She gasped again, taken by surprise. “No! I didn’t mean…” Linette interrupted herself. Her jaw dropped in understanding at the sight of my taunting grin. “Tabitha is right! You can be quite the jerk when you want to!” she mumbled, narrowing her eyes at me with pretend anger.
My smile broadened for a second, delighted by her playful personality, before I sobered. “The Dragon Queen is right. I am generally an ass because I dislike most people. They are either idiots or rude to me and those I care about. But yes, I’m occasionally a jerk to people like you, whom I deeply respect, as a defense mechanism. It’s merely a front, Linette; what you humans call a security blanket to help me deal with uncomfortable situations.”