My life had taken a different course. I’d had to march onward, and I did. But with so much once between us, perhaps it was no surprise that the first man I’d ever loved would be the one to rekindle all that was dormant in my body. Last night had ignited something inside me.
The car veered right onto the Strip, and the bright light of the sun pounded down from the sky. Las Vegas in daytime was exposed. Nothing hidden. Every trick, every mirror, every trap was starkly visible in the daylight.
As the car pulled into the portico at Caesars, I glanced at my watch. A few more hours until Michael arrived. My stomach swooped, remembering last night, fast-forwarding to what might happen this afternoon.
Julien had wanted me to move on. My sister wanted me to move on. I didn’t think I’d ever want to love again. It was too risky, too dangerous. What if I let myself, then lost again? I shuddered at the thought. Once was hard enough to find the man you love gone from this world.
But a moment, a snapshot of not feeling so goddamn empty and lonely? I’d experienced that last night. I’d held it in the palm of my hands, felt it deep in my chest.
That.
I wanted that.
12
Thomas
Eighteen years ago
“You want to do this?” I scooped some pepper steak from the buffet onto my plate, eyeing my eldest son.
“I do,” Michael said with a crisp nod, a fierce certainty in his stare. My son had my eyes—cool and ice blue. Some people thought that meant I didn’t care. Hardly. I cared too much at times. About everything. About my wife and how distant she’d become the last several months. About my children and how they were growing up so damn fast. About my present job and the one that I wanted to do, the one that would make it possible for me to do more for my kids.
Right now though—as my sixteen-year-old spooned lo mein from the silver vat at our favorite cheap Chinese restaurant, the one that boasted all-you-can-eat for four twenty-nine a person—I cared about Michael. The kid was a chip off the old block. He’d fallen madly in love at such a young age. Hell, I knew what that was like.
I’d been like my son, crazy for the girl in high school. Of course, I’d gone and married her a few years later, and we’d had our first kid when we were both only twenty and just scraping by at crummy jobs. No college, no nothing. That was why I was heading to night school after dinner with my son, to shore up my associate’s degree in accounting. A practical skill, and one that would surely help me get the job I wanted.
If I scored the new gig, that would spell opportunity for my kids. “All right, let’s find a way to get you to Paris next year.”
“Dad, you think I’m crazy, don’t you?” Michael asked when we sat down at an orange booth with cracked vinyl seats.
“For being in love?” I raised an eyebrow.
“For wanting to be with someone who’s going to be really far away.”
I shrugged happily. “Nah, love is good. Chase it. Embrace it. You’re focused and driven in other areas of life, and now you’re that way about her.”
I’d do everything I could to help Michael follow the girl. I’d help him go to college abroad if I could pull it off. Help him see her more. A love like that, you didn’t throw away. Especially with Annalise. She was a special girl; she’d do right by my boy. It was a long shot, a Hail Mary pass, but maybe Michael could nab a scholarship at a university in Europe, find some study abroad program for Americans, and learn the French language.
But even if he landed financial aid, we’d need greenbacks for airfare and lots of other expenses. Ergo, I needed a new job. Needed it badly. Being a limo driver only got you so far. Sure, it was a step up from driving cabs, but I’d have to reach higher.
“How would we ever be able to pay for it?” Michael asked as he picked up his fork and dug into the steak.
I rubbed the back of my neck, a knot of tension setting up camp. But it dissipated, because I had a plan. A damn fine plan. Fingers crossed. “There’s a promotion opening up at work. Think I’m going to apply for it.”
“You are?”
“Can you see me being a desk jockey? Instead of a driver?” I asked with a wry smile.
“Sure. Why not? You already have to wear a suit and tie.”
I wanted that job. Wanted it desperately. Wanted the bigger salary to help fund my kids’ dreams. They were my everything.
That night at class, I focused on how to apply my newfound math skills to the job application, and when I returned home, I told my wife about an upcoming work party.
“We should go. I think it’ll help as I try to get a new position. Get to know the people in the other departments,” I said as I took off my jacket and tossed it on a hook.
She glanced up from her sewing machine, her green eyes eager for once. Lately, her eyes had been different—either weary or glassy. Now they were simply hers. I was happy to see that look in them. She’d been so far away and I hoped she’d come back—to us.
“Will there be piano again?” she asked, her tone strangely breathless at the mention of the instrument.
Her comment surprised me. Didn’t think of her as a piano fan. “I think so. You mean like at that other party?”
I’d taken her to a holiday party last year, and she’d been transfixed by the Christmas tunes some local musician had tapped out on the piano. Absolutely enchanted. Maybe that’s what she needed to come back to us.
“Yes. That one, Thomas.”
I smiled, squeezing her shoulder. “Pretty sure there will be piano.”
“I’ll go,” she said, and she seemed happy.
That was a relief.
At least she wasn’t giving me a hard time about money. She used to do that a lot. Too much. Always nagging me about our finances. She wanted me to make more, wanted to have more.
Hell, so did I.
Who didn’t?
Lately, though, that pressure from her had lessened, and I was glad of it.
Glad, too, that something so simple would make her smile. We hadn’t had the easiest time all these years, but maybe, just maybe, things were changing.
A man could hope.
13
Michael
The pools at Caesars Palace were lush with palm trees and rich with stately Roman architecture and statuary. The Venus pool was the most exclusive of all—it was topless, though today all breasts were covered.
Barely.
A half dozen beautiful women lounged by the Venus pool at Caesars, which was closed for a few hours for the shoot.
The scene was such a stark contrast to my morning. After my run with my brothers, I’d met with Curtis, who operated a gentlemen’s club that my company provided security for. Curtis wanted to beef up our services, given the increased gang activity across town. That was something I had been hearing from many clients these days. Caution was the new watchword as the Royal Sinners and their crimes made businesses wary. After my meeting with Curtis, I’d finished a walk-through of a bank that had hired more protection in light of some recent robberies.
I was liking the way the afternoon was shaping up much better.