“I know, right?” I muse, hitting Ryan in the arm playfully. “We just worked, you know? It never even occurred to me to break up or date someone else.”
He smiles a crooked smile. “That’s actually pretty sweet. Innocent and a little twisted maybe, but sweet.”
I laugh, smacking him again, and he feigns injury, rubbing his arm like I hurt him. Pussy.
“Can I ask…,” he trails off, shifting uncomfortably, like he’s afraid to push his luck. “What was your daughter like?”
“Perfection personified,” I reply automatically, and he nods once as if he’s not surprised by my easy response. My hand clasps my pendant. “She had hair like mine and eyes like Eric’s. Sort of a perfect mixture of both of us, but totally tenacious. At the age of two, she had mastered the art of manipulating her parents. Especially Eric. He gave her whatever she asked for. He could never say no to her.”
I swallow down the burn in the back of my throat as I think on that. I don’t want to think on that or I’ll cry. I know I will.
So I continue, and he lets me, staying silent while I work through this.
I haven’t spoken about either of them really, and I don’t know why I’m doing it now with a virtual stranger, but I am. It’s Ryan, I realize. There’s something freeing, almost familiar about talking to him, and I’m taking full advantage.
“She was smart,” I tell him reverently. “I mean,” I laugh a little self-consciously, “I know all parents say that about their kids, but she totally was. She had the ABCs down after me singing it to her twice and could count to twenty at the age of two.”
His gaze shifts over to me with a warm smile. “Smart like her mommy.” I smile back at the compliment, ignoring the burn in my chest at the word mommy.
I keep going. I can’t seem to stop myself.
“Eric really wanted a boy.” Ryan’s eyes go wide, and I think I’ve officially stunned him with my candor. “He wouldn’t even discuss girls’ names.”
“You didn’t find out ahead of time?” I love that he asked me that question.
I shake my head no. “There are few really good surprises in life, and finding out the gender of your baby upon delivery is one of them.”
Ryan nods like he can understand that logic. “So was Eric really upset when you had a girl?”
I shake my head again, thrilled that Ryan is playing along in this conversation. The man sets me at ease in a way I haven’t experienced since Eric. And maybe that should scare me, but it doesn’t for some reason. There is something about Ryan. More than just his handsome face and perfect body.
“No. When Maggie came out, they placed her on my stomach, and he began to weep with the biggest grin on his face. Said he couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than our little girl, and if he died that moment, he’d die happy.” I smile, but it’s so freaking sad that it turns into a frown and tears begin to roll down my cheeks.
“Shit,” Ryan says, glancing over to me and reaching out like he’s about to grab my hand. A rush slams through me at the thought of him touching me. I can’t decide if I’d welcome his touch or not. If it would be comforting or… something else entirely. Luckily, he doesn’t touch me, his hand goes back to the wheel instead. He’s stricken. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked anything.”
“No,” I shake my head, trying to smile through my tears. “Thank you for asking me about them.”
He’s baffled. “How can you say that? You’re crying.”
“I am,” I nod in agreement. “But no one ever asks me about them. Probably because I don’t usually want to talk about them, and they’re afraid of this,” I point to my tears. “But today I did want to talk about them, and you asked, and it was exactly what I needed, so thank you.”
He sighs out, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just going to say this, and I’m sure you’ve already heard it a million times over, but whatever. I mean it, so I’m going to say it.” I look at him with bated breath because I have no idea where he’s going with this. “You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, Katie.” My breath stalls. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me.”
I grin, but it’s weak. “Thank you for listening, Ryan. You’re an amazing man.” He chuckles lightly, and I suddenly wonder. “Do you have a girlfriend?”
He laughs out at my random change of topic, his eyes skirting to mine for the briefest of seconds, before he replies, “No.” There is something in his tone I don’t quite get.
“No, as in not right now, or no, as in never?” Some guys are just players and don’t do the girlfriend thing. That could be Ryan. I highly doubt that he would have trouble getting a woman if he wanted one, so it has to be something else. As far as I can tell, he’s pretty much perfect. A woman would have to be insane to not want him.
“I’ve had girlfriends.”
He’s being intentionally vague, and I’m about to pounce on that, because I don’t do particularly well with that. “Tell me about your last one then.”
He shifts uncomfortably, and I wonder if I’m overstepping, but just when I’m about to retract my question, he answers.
“Her name is Francesca. We were together for two years, and she was my world.” Shit. This isn’t going to end well, and I wish I hadn’t gone there with him. I feel like such a bitch right now. “I found out about eight months ago that she was cheating on me with someone I worked with.” I gasp. I can’t help it. “I think they’re engaged now.” My eyes bug out of my head, and he nods. “It hurt. I won’t lie about that. I loved her and thought she could be the one, but she’s not.” He shrugs like it’s that simple, but I can’t imagine it being so. “Stop looking at me like that, Katie. It’s fine. I’m relieved not to be with her anymore. She wasn’t who I thought she was, and I was blind to the rest. I’m headed out to Seattle, and I’ve met you, and I’m looking forward, not back. It’s the way it’s meant to be.”
“Jesus, I wish I had your mindset on things,” I blurt out, but I realize just how much I mean it once I’ve said it. “Sorry, I just can’t imagine anyone choosing some other guy over you.” And now I’m blushing because I know how that sounded. But like I said, a woman would have to be insane.
He grins widely, his expression slightly mischievous. “Maybe we’re both headed for better things then.”
“Maybe,” I agree, and something warm stirs inside of me. Something I have no name for, and yet instinctively recognize all the same.
“Hey, Ryan?” I ask after a few minutes of silence.
“Yes?”
I smirk. “I bet he has a really small dick and sucks in bed.”
His smile is huge and breathtaking. “I bet he does too.” Then he winks at me conspiratorially. “Can we stop soon for food? I’m getting hungry and need to stretch a bit.”
“Definitely. You know me, I never turn down food.”
He looks to me with the most serious of expressions. “Yes. I do know you.”