It was better if I told Aria now. She’d find out eventually, and I wanted it to be from me. I found her in the living room, a plate with prosciutto in her hand. She was talking to Valentina. I walked toward them and Valentina noticed me first. There was a flicker of pity in her green eyes before she smiled at me. Did she know?
Of course, she did. Father probably had told his boss Dante right away, and Dante had told his wife. Had Father told other people as well? People he thought more deserving of the truth than his own family? “Hi Val,” I said. “Can I steal Aria from you for a moment? I have to talk to her.”
Aria gave me a questioning look but Valentina nodded merely. I linked arms with my sister and casually strolled through the room with her. I didn’t want Father or Mother to get suspicious. I caught Romero’s gaze across the room. He stood beside Luca and Dante but was looking my way. He gave me a small encouraging nod and somehow that small gesture made me feel better. In the last two years I’d convinced myself that the thing with Romero was nothing but a silly crush but now I wasn’t so sure anymore.
“Lily, what’s going on? You’ve been acting very odd all evening,” Aria whispered as we headed toward the lobby.
“I’m going to tell you in a moment. I want us to be alone.”
Aria’s face clouded with worry. “Has anything happened? Do you need help?”
I led her upstairs and into my room. When the door had closed behind us, I released Aria and sank down on my bed. Aria sat down beside me.
“It’s Mother,” I said in a whisper. “She’s got lung cancer.” Maybe I should have broken it to her in a less direct manner, but it wouldn’t have made the news less horrible.
Aria stared at me wide eyes, then she slumped against the wall, releasing a harsh breath. “Oh God. I thought she looked exhausted but I blamed it on another fight with Father.”
“They’re still fighting and it’s making everything worse.”
Aria wrapped her arm around me and for a moment we held each other in silence. “Why hasn’t she told me herself?”
“Father doesn’t want anyone to know. He actually forbid me from telling you.”
Aria pulled back. “He forbid you?”
“He wants to keep up appearances. I think he’s embarrassed by Mother’s sickness.” I hesitated. “That’s why I didn’t tell you right away. I didn’t know what to do, but I talked to Romero and he convinced me to tell you.”
Aria searched my face. “Romero, hm?”
I shrugged. “Will you tell Gianna when you’re back in New York?”
“Of course,” Aria said. “I hate that she can’t be here.” She sighed. “I want to talk to Mother about it. She needs our support but how can we give it to her if we’re not supposed to know?”
I didn’t know. “I hate how Father’s acting. He’s so cold toward her. You’re so lucky Aria that you have a husband who cares about you.”
“I know. One day you’ll have that too.”
I really hoped she’d be right. Life with someone like my father would be a hell I couldn’t survive.
***
Every day, Mother faded a bit more. Sometimes it felt like all I had to do was look away for a moment and her skin had already become a scarier shade of grey and she’d lost even more weight. Even her beautiful hair was gone completely. It was impossible to keep her sickness a secret anymore. Everyone knew. When other people were around Father played the doting and worried husband but at home when we were alone he could barely stand Mother’s presence as if he worried that she was infectious. It fell on me to support her while I tried get through my last year in school. Aria, Gianna and I talked on the phone almost every day. Without them I couldn’t have survived. And at night when I lay in the dark and couldn’t sleep from worry and fear, I remembered the way Romero had looked at me at our Christmas party, as if he saw me for the very first time, really saw me as a woman and not just a stupid child. The look in his brown eyes made me feel warmer even if it was only a memory.
A soft knock made me sit up. “Yes?” I asked quietly. ‘Please don’t let Mother be throwing up again’. I wanted one night without the acid smell in my nose. I felt bad for the thought. How could I think something like that?
The door opened and Fabi poked his head through the gap before he slipped in. His dark hair was dishevelled and he was in his pajamas. I hadn’t drawn the curtains so I could tell that he’d cried but I didn’t mention it. Fabi had turned twelve several months ago and was too proud to admit his feelings to anyone, even me.
“Are you asleep?”
“Do I look like I’ve been sleeping?” I asked teasingly.
He shook his head, then he put his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants. He was too old to come into bed with me because he was scared of something. Father would have ripped Fabi’s head off if he’d found him with tears on his face in my room. Weakness wasn’t something Father tolerated in his son, or anyone really.
“Do you want to watch a movie?” I scooted to the side. “I can’t sleep anyway.”
“You’ve got only girl movies,” he said as if I was asking a huge favor of him but he headed toward my DVD shelf and picked something. Then he sat down beside me with his back against my headboard. The movie started and we watched in silence for a long time.
“Do you think Mom is going to die?” Fabi asked suddenly, his gaze fixed on the screen.
“No,” I said with all the conviction I didn’t feel.
***
My eighteenth birthday was today, but there would be no party. Mother was too sick. There was no room in our house for celebrations or happiness. Father was hardly home anymore, always gone on business, and recently Fabi had started to accompany him. And so I was left alone with Mother. Of course there was a nurse and our maid, but they weren’t family. Mother didn’t want them around and so I was the one sitting at her bed after school, reading to her, trying to pretend that her room didn’t smell of death and hopelessness. Aria and Gianna had called in the morning to wish me a happy birthday. I knew they’d wanted to visit, but Father had forbidden it. Not even for my birthday he could be nice.
I put the book down that I’d read to Mother. She was asleep. The noise of her respiratory aid, a click and rattling, filled the room. I stood, needing to walk around a bit. My legs and back were stiff from sitting all day.
I walked toward the window and peered out. Life was happening everywhere around me. My phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me from my thoughts. I took it out and found an unknown number on my screen. I pressed it against my ear. “Hello?” I whispered as I walked out into the corridor as not to disturb my mother, even though noises hardly woke her anymore.
“Hello Liliana.”
I froze. “Romero?” I couldn’t believe he’d called me, and then a horrible idea struck me, and the only explanation for his call. “God, did something happen to my sisters?”
“No, no. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I wanted to wish you a happy birthday.” His voice was smooth and warm and deep, and it soothed me like honey did with a sore throat.