She couldn’t drive because of the wolf’s anger, spontaneous trips with no provisions, that snarl that was almost constant in her throat. One of her eyes stayed the color of the wolf all the time, like she was half animal, half human, not two separate beings in one body. The wolf had fused herself to the body. She never had to sit quietly inside of Summer and let her have the body. They shared all the time. When she was Changed, Summer was probably very present. She and this wild wolf had grown to depend on each other, reject the rest of the world, and that was completely on him.
He’d abandoned her and hadn’t taught her how to be a proper werewolf, and it was something he would never, ever, even-for-a-minute, forgive himself for.
Years ago, being a runner had been something he was proud of. Love ’em and leave ’em. Only Summer had been the one meant to stick. He just hadn’t been ready to treat her good. Hell, maybe he would never be ready to treat a mate well. Hunter and Bryson were good at taking care of Sadey and Maris, but Wes watched them. Observed. And down to his bones he knew he came up short.
He wasn’t worthy.
Wasn’t redeemable.
Wasn’t really worth a damn other than to run this pack alone.
What a lonely life he’d pigeon-holed himself into with his shortcomings. His stubbornness. All the mess in his head he couldn’t figure out how to fix.
He’d aimed all that mess and pulled the trigger at Summer—the person who had been kindest to him, and for what? Because he was scared. Summer hadn’t done anything wrong to him. Only right.
Fuck, he couldn’t stand himself sometimes.
There was a glowing neon hotel sign up ahead. Vacancy, it read, and he pulled into the cracked-asphalt parking lot, slowly, careful not to jostle the sleeping woman beside him.
She would never know how loved she was because he hadn’t ever figured out how to show it.
Wes parked in front of the office and put the truck in park. She still slept. God, she must’ve been exhausted, and he had a moment of hope. Stupid hope. Obviously, she’d felt safe enough to den up in his truck and let her body sleep, and to him, that said something.
He would do stupid, horrible, murderous things to keep her safe, and he figured deep down she knew she could sleep right next to him. She was safe. Safe with him—a monster. He sighed. Everything was so fucked up.
Her lips were slightly parted, and a strand of hair had fallen over her cheek, hiding part of her face from him.
Light as the tip of a feather, he brushed her hair to the side with his fingertip.
She grabbed his hand so fast it startled him, and he flinched back, then froze. A snarl ripped through her as she squeezed his hand hard enough that his bones ground together.
Don’t retaliate. Don’t fight her. Don’t be a threat, he pleaded with his wolf.
She sat up slowly and shoved his hand away, her one silver eye glowing bright as a full moon. “Don’t need people touching me,” she said in a gritty, sleep-filled voice.
Don’t need it. Yeah, she did. “Touch is natural for shifters, Summer,” he said low. “It’s a comfort.”
“Not for me.” She lifted her chin higher. “Touch got me hurt.”
Those last four words gutted him, and the pain made him want to throw an insult at her for hurting him. God, he was stupid. He swallowed it down, clenched his teeth against it. The bond between them pulsed, and that hurt, too. Everything ached while around her. His dick throbbed all day with wanting her, his heart had hollowed out with what she’d been through. The bond he’d opened back up was a swinging dagger, bleeding him in waves, and his head had been a fucking mess ever since the moment he’d opened up her letter and seen that picture of Sam.
Wes pulled the picture out now and stared at it. “His face,” he murmured.
Summer swallowed audibly. “The picture doesn’t even do the scars justice. Prepare yourself for when you see him.”
“He died that night, you know. I remember. You talked about your wolf giving you that photographic memory.” He shook his head, unable to take his eyes from the grainy picture of Sam. “Me, too. I was right in middle of Changing for the first time. Felt like I was dying. Hunter was behind me in the woods. I could hear him choking on his own blood. Sam was doing the same. Fuck.” He squeezed his eyes closed at the pain of the memory. “We didn’t know werewolves existed or what Leif wanted with us. Just thought he was a friend. He waited a whole year to Turn us. Got in close, made us care about him, made us protective of him. And then he shredded us on a camping trip. I was sitting there on my knees, holding my big brother as he told me to take care of Hunter. I watched the life fade from his eyes.”
Wes opened his eyes and looked at Summer, cleared his throat. “I hated Leif in that moment. Hated him for what he’d done. Would never forgive him. Would hunt him down. Losing Sam did something awful to me, and for a while, it did something awful to my wolf. And you tried to be there for me. You were. You didn’t know what I’d turned into, but you knew I was different, and awful, and had no redeemable qualities anymore. And what did you do?”
“Wes…” she whispered, dropping her gaze.
“Say it. What did you do?”
“Stayed loyal to you.”
“I fuckin’ loved you, Summer. The wolf saw what you were trying to do. You were listening when I was telling you how confused I felt. How much I wanted to fight. How dark I was on my insides. He saw you trying to put me back together, and he fuckin’ loved you, too. Every bit as much as the man in me loved you. He loved you too much. Wanted to keep you in a way that made sense to him, and he bit you. That wasn’t me,” Wes said, beating his fist against his chest to ease the pain. “I didn’t do that. I wasn’t even fuckin’ there. I have no memory of it. I would’ve never done to you what Leif did to me, or did to my brothers. But I had. I came to, and I watched you break. For three days, I watched you Change uncontrollably. You broke and you hurt and it killed me to watch it, and I did something horrible.”
“You left me.”
“Yeah. I left so I didn’t have to see it. So I didn’t have to see what I’d done. So I didn’t have to feel the hurt that you were in because that bond was wrecking me. And I’m weak. I’m a fucking coward, and I ran from the pain that I’d caused the one person who had ever really truly tried to get inside me and accept me.” Fuckin’ tears. Wes wiped his hands down his beard and shoved the door open. “I’m sorry,” he murmured, getting out.
“You running again?” she said, her voice shaking.
Wes forced himself to look at her, to see the tears in her eyes because he earned every minute of the ache she allowed him to see. “I ain’t running again. You want to shit on me for what I done? Do it. I deserve it. I fucked up, but you know what? No more. You don’t know how to be a werewolf because of my mistakes, and I’m gonna teach you now. And maybe it’s too late. Maybe she’s set in her ways and will always be hard to control. But I’m gonna try.”
Anger fused to her words. “Even if it hurts you to do it?”
“Even if it hurts.” Stupid, stupid, stupid tears escaping him. Thickly he said, “You should know…I never really left you.”