We entered the garage, and I was transferred to the driver’s seat of his usual black car. I would have preferred the flashy orange number at the far end of the row of vehicles.
And he thought I was spoiled?
“Seat belt,” he snapped, sliding into the car.
Glaring, I did as bid. “Are you going to be a dick the entire time?”
Waiting patiently as he struggled to grip the tatters of his control, I pushed the doodacky that started the car.
He took a deep breath. “Check your side and rear-view mirrors as you reverse out. Swing to the left when the front of the car is clear. We’ll practice on the front grass.”
“There’s a reverse camera.”
“That you can’t always rely upon being there. Use the mirrors.”
Whatever.
Touching the accelerator gently, I jolted as the car jerked back. I slammed on the brakes and whacked the wheel. “Why is every car different like that?”
Kyros hesitated before answering, “Your altered senses may have something to do with it.”
True.
Focusing on my touch, I pulled the sense right in before easing on the accelerator.
The vehicle glided backward. Ha! I ripped the wheel down as we left the garage, spinning us to the left on the gravel.
“Woohoo,” I crowed.
“Easy,” he said between clenched teeth.
I quirked a brow. “Why? The result is the same.”
“Because reckless driving is against the law.”
Really? Who knew?
Not waiting for him to boss me around again, I directed the car onto the wide expanse of grass between the house and the ocean. “What next?”
“Drive around. Get used to the feel.”
Yes, sir.
I planted my foot.
“Basilia.”
“This thing really flies.”
“Do you have any self-preservation whatsoever?” he hissed as I eased up on the pedal.
We were going there then.
“As much as any human,” I answered, easing the car in a wide arc to go back the way I came. “Why? You got a problem with that?”
A long beat went by.
“Yes. Though I have no right to. Yes,” he said in a hollow voice.
It was the first time since I awoke that he’d pushed past anger.
What exactly did Kyros mean by the no right part though? Was it centred around his feeling of powerlessness? Or was this another Vissimo thing I didn’t understand? I didn’t dare hope that he’d gracefully accepted I didn’t need help.
Scrap that. There were times when I needed help, but there was no way, no way, that I needed him or anyone for everything. I didn’t even need Tommy for everything. Or Fred. I hadn’t needed Grandmother for everything.
“The triplets were very clear about what would happen to Tommy if I didn’t enter alone,” I said.
Silence.
“I’m trying to understand why you hold me to different standards than you hold yourself.” I continued. “You blame me for saving my friend?”
Fuck, he was so incredibly hard inside right now—an emotional barrier. I hated when he pulled that crap.
“No,” Kyros said, glancing out the window to the sea. “I blame myself because you deemed me inadequate of your confidence.”
That was just so… messed up.
Sorrow tinged my words. “I find it really hard to grasp Vissimo values. You know that I don’t see us as a team, Kyros. I’ve known you for a handful of months, and most of that, you weren’t my friend by any means.”
“Friend?” he said incredulously.
I didn’t take the bait, but my knuckles whitened where they throttled the wheel instead of his neck.
“I had minutes to come up with a plan, Kyros. Minutes. If I’d had longer, I likely would have thought of a way to involve you without risking Tommy’s life. I wanted to involve you because I was so afraid. But in hindsight, I’m glad that never happened. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if harm came to your family. In my mind, that’s how the matter lies.”
“Your death would have been my end, Basilia,” he said, defeat hanging heavy around him.
I shot him a frown, swinging us back around again. “Like, killed you?”
Shit, I hadn’t known that.
Kyros shook his head. “Others. I would have lost control. Safina would have paid the debt of my crimes once my father managed to kill me. When a vampire goes berserk, there’s no coming back. Ever. The death of a true mate is a sure way to trigger it.”
… Oh.
I bit my lip. “I never knew that.”
He closed his eyes. “Because I didn’t wish you to carry the burden. When you entered Gingers, I nearly lost control. After I extracted your promise not to enter Fyrlia territory again, I thought it a non-issue.”
That there was a massive problem. “So you deemed that as your burden to carry, your issue, and made the choice not to include me?”
Green eyes cut to me. “It is not the same thing as walking to your death to save your friend.”
I disagreed. “Both proved life-threatening. You’re used to working by yourself. I’m used to working by myself. Double standards, Kyros. And I can tell you’re deflecting. Tell me what the real issue is.”
Were we going to do anything other than loop in circles? Not that I was going to mention that now Kyros was talking.
“You—” He started. “You killed that Fyrlia scum. As a human. Through sheer intelligence and bravery and loyalty to your friend, you defeated him. I’m inadequate to call you mate.”
There it is.
My heart squeezed tight as his emotions barraged my mind. “You’re treating me like shit to push me away. That behaviour, nothing else, is what makes me doubt the blood bond. Why are you acting this way?”
There was something more.
I could feel it. And hey, I could flatten this grass all day while he put his anguish into words.
Kyros growled, avoiding my gaze. “You know why.”
“I can’t read your mind, so no, I don’t know why.”
Glass poured into the car as he smashed the passenger window. “I’m your fucking mate—your true mate—and you don’t have faith in my strength or my power or my ability to keep you from harm. You don’t want to be in my company, on my property, or in my territory. You don’t believe in the blood bond or see us as a single entity. How the fuck am I meant to change your mind? How do I show you when killing more of my enemies means losing my family? What gives me the right to show you when you’re just so untouchable?”
Understanding trickled to me slowly.
Really, fundamentally, Kyros’s torment had the same roots as many of my childhood demons. He felt trapped and incapable of taking action.
I may not completely grasp his inherent Vissimo need to protect me as the male, but I could understand the emotion making him feel helpless. And I knew from clawing my way back to self-worth that I couldn’t make him feel better.
He had to do that himself.
But maybe he needed a kick-starter.
Guiding the vehicle around again, I said, “You think I don’t trust you to protect me? That’s the issue?”
That was just so… moronic. Who else was better equipped to do so and had more motive to save my butt?