‘No, no! I’ve been slaving over this hot oven for hours,’ he jokes.
‘Oh, aren’t you at work?’
‘Yes, well… I was. I left early, abandoned everything so I could make your dinner.’
I laugh. ‘In that case, I’ll get there as soon as I can. Is that okay?’
‘Yes, absolutely. Just promise me that whatever time you finish, you’ll still come over.’
It’s so lovely to feel wanted, especially after Tom, who never made me feel that way.
‘I will… and, Alex…’
‘Yes?’
‘Thanks for being so understanding.’
‘It’s okay, it’s the same for me when I’m in court or I’ve got a big case on. I guess we’d both better get used to it,’ he says good-naturedly.
I’m delighted at the suggestion that he sees this as more than three dates – ‘we’d better get used to it’ is music to my ears. I flush slightly and giggle stupidly.
As I put down the phone, Jas catches my eye from the open door of her office. ‘You okay?’ she mouths.
‘Yeah,’ I mouth back. I smile, and get back to Chloe’s problematic relationship with her mother’s boyfriend and other unfolding dramas.
‘Hey Hannah.’ Margaret appears in the doorway of our office. She’s come up from reception and she’s holding the most beautiful bunch of cream roses.
‘These are for you, lovely,’ she’s saying as she walks towards me. I’m really hoping Jas is watching, because the most stunning bouquet is coming my way, and I just know they’re from Alex. He knows I’m having a hell of a day, I’m going to be working late, won’t get to his until even later – and this is Alex’s way of saying it’s okay. I just want Jas to see how different he is from Tom, and that she doesn’t need to worry about me this time.
‘For me?’ I feign surprise, I don’t want to appear too smug, but I can’t help but smile as I take the huge bunch of what looks like fifty long-stemmed roses from Margaret’s arms. He must have put the phone down from me and ordered these straight away to get here so soon.
‘Looks like you’ve hit the jackpot with this one.’ Margaret smiles.
‘I think I have Margaret.’ I smile, knowing I’m flushed and everyone’s looking at me.
‘Ooh, they must have cost a fortune!’ Sameera says as she wanders over to check them out.
I push my face into the blooms, the smell is exquisite, and I lay them down on the desk while Sameera helps me tear off the gift card. I know who they’re from, but I want to read what he says. I’m going to keep this gift card forever, so I can look at it when we’re an old married couple, and remember how it was in the very beginning.
‘Raj never sends me flowers.’ Sameera sighs, caressing the blooms now lying on my desk.
‘I don’t think Bill’s ever sent me flowers, and we’ve been married thirty years,’ Margaret says. ‘Don’t let this one go, love,’ she adds before leaving.
Sameera’s still gazing at the blooms, and Harry’s smiling at us.
‘You’d think you two had never seen a bunch of flowers,’ he says, shaking his head and going back to his computer screen.
‘Oh, these aren’t just “a bunch of flowers” though! Hannah, they’re breath-taking… I want Raj to send me some too!’ she jokes.
I smile and open the small envelope, there’s a little card with LOVE written on the front. I look up at Sameera, and we both smile, sharing this little moment. We’re bonding because we’re both in love and we know what this feels like.
‘It might be a proposal!’ she gasps.
‘Don’t be daft, we’ve only just met,’ I reply.
In truth, I wish I could take the note, run into the bathroom and read it in private – after all it is private – but Sameera’s looking at me, waiting to see what it says, and it would seem mean to leave with it now. So I open the card and glimpse the message. It’s printed, because presumably he ordered the flowers. I settle down to read it. It’s just a few sentences, but I want to savour each word. I start to read it quietly.
‘I had to send you these delicate, scented blooms because they remind me of you my darling…’
I hear Sameera giggle and clap her hands together excitedly. ‘This one is SO a keeper!’
I roll my eyes and continue, but as I read, the words aren’t coming out right. It doesn’t sound like Alex – I know this even this early into our relationship – and I can’t make sense of it at first. I stop reading out loud, and wordlessly hand it to Sameera.
They remind me of you because you are the thorn among these roses, and I know what you’re up to, you treacherous bitch. You can’t ever leave me. I am watching, always watching, you lying whore – every breath you take. Until even that stops.
Always with you. X
‘Why? Why would he say something like that?’ Sameera’s saying, almost tearful as I sit behind my pile of cream roses – a perverse bridal joke.
‘It isn’t Alex.’ I sigh. ‘This has to be Tom.’
Sameera puts her hand to her mouth, I’ll never forget the look of horror and pity on her face. In the silence, Harry gets up from his seat and Jas comes out of her office.
‘You okay, love?’ she’s asking.
‘Tom,’ I say, my eyes welling up. ‘I thought he’d stopped with the weird shit, but clearly he hasn’t.’
Jas picks up the card from the ground where I threw it as I realised what it was. She nods slowly. ‘Yeah, probably Tom… but then again?’
‘Definitely Tom,’ I say angrily, shutting her down and picking up my phone.
‘Are you calling the police?’ Jas asks.
I shake my head. ‘I’m calling bloody Tom, and threatening him with the police,’ I say, furious that he’s still trying to ruin my life.
Why can’t he just move on? He’s become so bitter and resentful since we parted – and the only reason I’m not directly calling the police is because I can’t actually prove it’s him. And in truth because I still feel guilty about throwing him out and I don’t want to push him further down. Having been a foster child, I know how it is to be ejected from your home without understanding why, and I still find it hard to reconcile myself to the fact I did it to someone else, but enough is enough. I wait and wait for him to pick up so I can yell down the phone as Jas and Sameera stand by my desk looking a little shell-shocked. But he doesn’t pick up so I leave a very angry message threatening him with the police.
‘Hell, he really does need to move on,’ Jas says.
‘I know. For God’s sake, he wasn’t that bothered when we were together, where’s all the passion and inventiveness come from now?’
‘Perhaps if he’d shown you some of that then you’d still be with him?’ Sameera offers.
‘Hardly, he’s turned out to be a bloody psycho since she dumped him… if it is him,’ Jas says.
Harry goes back to his desk, opening a tube of Smarties and swallowing most of them in one go. ‘You don’t half pick ’em, Hannah,’ he says.