“Out of the shower. Let’s go!”
“Mom!” Thea projected her voice over the pounding water. “Don’t sneak up on me, I almost slipped in the shower. You could have killed me.”
“You have two more minutes to rinse,” came her mother’s reply from just outside the bathroom door. “The whole bathroom is completely fogged up, you know. Are you sure the water’s hot enough? Geez, Thea.” She heard her mom’s feet padding out of her bedroom.
Thea closed her eyes again as her mother’s voice trailed off. Leave me alone. The shower provided a temporary solace from her mother’s nagging. Instead of spinning the knob to off, she inched it farther and farther the other way, letting the water scald her skin until she could no longer stand it. She felt for the knob again and braced herself for the halt of hot water. Once the water stopped, she stood enveloped in thick, hot air for a moment and then opened the glass door to a burst of cold air. She inhaled the fresh air into her lungs and toweled herself off quickly, glancing at the comb on the counter before passing it by, continuing into her bedroom, where she pulled on jeans and a blue top. She was about to cross the threshold of her bedroom into the hallway when she circled back and ran into the bathroom. She brushed her teeth vigorously, spitting into the sink loudly at the end for her mother’s benefit, and then plodded very slowly to the staircase and made her way down the stairs, hanging on to the bannister and taking each step thoughtfully, much to her mother’s annoyance, she assumed. She stopped on the landing and looked up at the skylight. The rain was still coming down in thick streams and the water whisked over the glass, like river rapids. Thea closed her eyes and imagined the water cascading over her face and body; in her mind’s eye, she saw his initials, TR, a secret kept in her shower door.
When she first started at her new middle school that fall, she walked the strange halls with a knot in her stomach, hoping with equal amounts of fervor that no one or anyone would talk to her. It took forever, at least five days, but she eventually made a friend, a petite brunette named Olivia, in study hall. Livi introduced Thea to two other girls, Zoe and Gretchen. (“We formed a book club last year,” Livi had whispered. “You can be our fourth member. Just don’t tell anyone at school. Obviously.”) So by the second week of school, Thea had a thin shield of armor against the strangeness of the new place. But still, she dreaded the classes where she didn’t have a friend, particularly Spanish class, which was filled with glossy-haired girls and loud boys—the “popular kids” who somehow took up the whole room with their bodies, leaving nothing for Thea. She did her best to make herself invisible in Spanish class, which usually wasn’t difficult, considering no one noticed her anyway. Thea’s mom once told her that she had the kind of beauty that people would appreciate later in life. Thea had not responded to this obvious lie. She was content to be invisible, to blend in, to take up as little space as possible. That all changed, though, when she met Ted.
She opened her eyes when she heard her mother laughing.
“What are you doing, water bug?”
Thea glared. Her mother hadn’t called her water bug in years and, instead of the term feeling nostalgic and warm, it made the pit in her stomach clench even harder for everything she had lost. Her childhood was all ruined, and it was her mother’s fault. A month ago, everything had changed—her entire life, everything she knew, had unraveled in twenty-four hours—and her mother was blissfully, infuriatingly ignorant.
Now, her mother’s impatient voice cut into her thoughts again, “Breakfast is on the table.” Thea slumped toward the dining room, marveling again at how vastly different this house was from the place where she grew up.
As Thea spooned yogurt and muesli into her mouth, she felt her mom preparing to speak; across the table, her mother’s body shifted and she looked at Thea in a hopeful way before opening her mouth. “So, Thee. I was thinking, this weekend we could go away together. A little adventure!”
Shit. Panic rose up. The absolute last thing she wanted to do was spend time with her mother, especially just the two of them alone. Though, she realized with a tiny bit of relief, she wouldn’t have any chance to see him on the weekend anyway.
“Come on, it’ll be so much fun.” She heard a note of desperation creep into her mother’s voice. For one second, Thea’s throat closed up as she remembered their trip to Disney over her winter break. Sleeping side by side in a king-size bed, even though their suite had two bedrooms. And the sharpest memory from that trip was not seeing the magnificent castle for the first time, but waiting an hour in line for the Tower of Terror and then the panic Thea had felt when they finally approached the elevator. “Mom,” she had whispered, “I can’t. I can’t—” Her mom had grabbed her hand and laughed. “Oh, I’m so glad you said something! Come on, let’s get out of here.” And they’d spent the next ten minutes giggling with relief as they made their way through the dark hallways, hand in hand, weaving around the crowds of people waiting to drop through the air. Her mom turned to her when they reached fresh air. “Hey, Thee.” Her mom dropped to eye level with her. “Any time you don’t want to do anything, just tell me and we’ll leave. No questions asked. K?” Thea had nodded and enveloped herself in her mom’s warm body, completely safe, cocooned in her mom’s arms.
“What do you say, Thee?” Her mom was looking at her expectantly. “You and me and a cabin in the White Mountains. Look, this is the place.” Thea glanced at the iPhone her mom held out across the table; the cabin did look cozy and there was a huge flat-screen TV in the picture. As much as she dreaded spending an entire two days with her mother, she could imagine sprawling out on the comfy-looking sofa and watching a movie. Her favorite right now was Pride and Prejudice and she could bring the DVD—even though DVDs were probably going to be obsolete soon, she had asked her mom for it when they were checking out at Best Buy a few months ago because it was on sale for $4.99. She kept it in the top drawer of her dresser, like a prized possession, and watched it once a week.
“Mimi’s coming, too.” Her mom was still looking at her expectantly and smiling. “I thought we’d pick you up from school on Friday and head straight out. We could be there by dinner. I know you have book club on Fridays, but I’m sure Livi and the girls will understand.” Thea took in her mother’s pleading voice and the slightly wild look in her eyes; she could make any demands she wanted. Thea snatched the iPhone from her mom’s hand and zoomed in on the picture. “Do you think there’s Wi-Fi? Can I bring my phone?” Thea knew the answers would be yes and yes. And maybe this weekend she could talk to Mimi, ask her the questions she so desperately needed answered. She realized that Mimi had, by omission, lied to her as well, but she blamed her mom for this. She was sure that her grandmother would tell her the truth if she asked her directly.
Thea took another bite of yogurt, still looking at the living room of the cabin. Her heart sped up as she thought about Mr. Redmond and her warming their hands over the fireplace together, popping Pride and Prejudice into the DVD player. No. She shook her head to physically reset. Her and Ted. He had told her that she could call him Ted, at least when they were alone together. She repeated his first name in her head several times as she pinched the screen and the fire came closer and closer.