More than an hour later, I pull up to our home nestled in the Kaloroma neighborhood of D.C. The large brick Tudor house with six bedrooms and three-and-a-half baths is much too large for just Sarah and me, and a bit too ostentatious for my blood. But Sarah fell in love with it the moment she laid her eyes on it. It was the expansive fenced backyard and stunning oversized terrace that made her swoon. I thought for sure when she picked out such a large house it was because she had changed her mind about starting a family. We turned two of the bedrooms into offices, one for her and one for me. A third bedroom was converted into a library-study, a fourth into a gym and the fifth into a guest room. She hadn’t changed her mind.
I pull into the courtyard next to Sarah’s matching white Range Rover. Entering the house, I pass through the grand foyer with marble flooring, past the sweeping staircase and into the gourmet kitchen. I place my messenger bag on the counter and switch on a light. I get a bottle of water from the fridge and go to the master suite on the second floor. All the lights are off in our bedroom, except for a lamp on Sarah’s side of the bed.
I push open the door and find her sleeping heavily on her stomach, completely relaxed. She’s wearing a thin black tank top and black lace thong panties, not her typical nighttime attire. I expected to see her in a nightgown. Is she teasing me? Does she want me? Or did she just pass out from one too many vodka sodas, her drink of choice. Her silk-like blond hair is damp and is pulled back into a low ponytail—every strand neatly in place. Even when she’s asleep, she’s perfectly pulled together. My eyes follow the curve of her back and the smoothness of her toned ass, down her sculpted legs. Over the years, she may have neglected me, but she never ignored that body of hers. She stirs a little but doesn’t wake.
By my side of the bed I shuffle off my pants and shirt. My eyes never leave her. She makes me so goddamn miserable, but so blissful at the same time. I fucking hate her as much as I love her. Does she know? Does she care? What am I to her?
I drop my watch on the nightstand a little too hard, and it makes a clunking sound, loud enough to wake her. Her eyes shoot open quickly and then ease when she realizes that it’s just me. I expect her to roll over and go back to sleep, but she doesn’t. Her eyes tighten, and her lips curve into a small smile. She glances at the alarm clock on my nightstand. 1:45am. She looks back at me but says nothing of my late arrival home. Her eyes beckon me.
“I know. I’m sorry I’m late.” I slide into bed beside her.
“Don’t be,” she whispers patting the spot next to her.
I scoot closer, planting a kiss on her cheek. She makes a cooing sound.
“I’ve missed you,” I say.
She looks up at me as I pull her close, holding her tightly. “I’ve missed you too.”
I kiss her forehead. She pushes closer into me, entangling her legs in mine and resting her head on my bare chest. She runs her fingers up and down my abs.
“How was work?”
“Long,” she says.
The silence stretches, and I wonder what it is that she’s thinking. Is she mulling over case files in her head? Is she thinking about me? About us? Can she see the cracks in our marriage? Does she want to fix them or keep pretending like they don’t exist? Like I don’t exist. Like we don’t exist.
“Let’s have a baby.” Her eyes brighten, and she looks up at me, waiting for my reaction. I can’t help it. My face lights up, and I grin back at her.
“Are you serious? Are you sure you’re really ready? After everything that… well… happened. I thought you’d never want to have kids.” I examine her face for any indication that would betray the words coming out of her mouth. I had always hoped she’d want to have children, but I had accepted that that day might never come, given what happened to her…
“Yes.” She nods, and I think she means it. I let out a laugh mixed with a cry, and I kiss her. I can’t contain my excitement. My hands are all over her and her hands all over me. My lips move down her neck. I pull her black tank top off and kiss every square inch of her breasts and torso. I look up at her, and she smiles as I remove her panties. I kiss and lick and suck until she comes, and then I find my way inside her. She pants and moans beneath me. Her eyes locked on mine, big and full of hope.
“I love you, Sarah.”
“I love you too, Adam.”
And then I explode inside her. I’m going to be a father, I think. A single tear rolls from my eye as I collapse on top of her, breathless and hopeful. I can’t do this to her. I have to end it with Kelly. Sarah is my wife, my family, my whole heart. She’s done nothing but love me—even when it’s at a distance, she has loved me. I roll off but stay lying next to her. I rub her stomach gently. Sarah is the mother of my unborn child. She deserves more, and I’m going to give that to her.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
She kisses my forehead and wraps her arms around me hugging me tightly. “I want this for us. I want what you want.” She closes her eyes and slowly falls back asleep, cradled in my arms.
5
Sarah Morgan
Adam sleeps deeply next to me. I smile and run my hand along his face, wondering if I’m doing the right thing. But that’s the thing about right and wrong—it’s subjective. He deserves this, I remind myself as I run my hand over my belly, hoping our efforts took.
I had the epiphany a week ago, and last night when I was having drinks with Anne, it was solidified. I want more out of this life than a title and my name on a building. I want love. I want a family. I want meaning. I slide out of bed covering myself with a white silk robe and tying it loosely at the waist. I glance at my phone finding an unread text from Anne.
Did you make it home okay?
I quickly text back:
Yes. See you soon.
Anne texts:
Sorry for last night.
I recall the moment where it got a bit weird between Anne and me, and I quickly brush it aside.
It’s okay. We all do dumb stuff when we’re drunk.
A couple of hours later, Anne is greeting me with a cup of coffee and a smile at the office. She’s perky… a bit too perky considering how intoxicated she got last night.
“Happy Monday!” She grins.
“Yes, Monday indeed. Is Bob in his office?”
“Unfortunately,” she sneers.
“I’ll take care of our little Bob situation.” I pick up my coffee.
She gives me a nod and takes my bag from me, while I charge toward Bob’s office. Bob is two offices down. His is nice but nowhere near as nice as mine. He started here around the same time I did, but unlike him, I made partner, and I know he has a chip on his shoulder about it. I assume that’s why he’s been trying to steal Anne from me. When we started, he didn’t even look at me as competition. Now, he does. I made sure of that. I let myself in without a knock, and I find Bob sitting at his desk eating an egg sandwich without a care in the world. He’s average looking with a somewhat sinister tinge to him thanks to his dark eyes and hair, tall height, and sharp jawline.
“Morning, Bob.” I take a seat in front of his desk.