Lame, I know.
Because, Dee, I’m the thing in the dark, just like the Viking used to tell me. I’m the creature coming up from the basement, the thing under the bed. I have nothing to fear in the dark. I am the dark.
I am afraid.
[A piece of paper, upon which Kaitlyn scrawled a hurried diary entry, was slipped into the back of the journal. It is dated 20 September, 4:00 AM.]
Ari came to the main building looking for me. He said that when I didn’t answer his email and didn’t come to the chapel, he got worried (contrived much?). He saw me from the top of the hill, heading there. By the time he got there, I was already climbing out through the broken window.
“So this is where you sneak off to,” he said, grinning from ear to ear.
I glanced back at the building, feeling oddly protective. “Sometimes.”
“Fancy a swim?”
Dee, I had forgotten! I’d forgotten how badly I wanted to visit the swimming pool, having been so preoccupied with the attic. He grinned and nodded towards the building, and honestly, I just gave in! I showed him the window I’ve broken, and we climbed inside. We didn’t linger long—instead, we ran up the stairs, and along the main corridor, past the billiard room, gallery, and main foyer, into the pool room, where we stripped down to our underwear and slipped in.
It was beautiful—and warm! So warm. We had to be quiet, since Coach O’Grady and Mrs. Mayle both have their apartments in this main building round the back, but it was the most fun I’ve had in years.
I thought, for a moment, Ari might try to kiss me, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that, but then he didn’t, and we just giggled and raced quietly in the pool. I’m going to keep this to myself, Dee. I’m going to keep Ari to myself.
I’m glad he didn’t kiss me.
I’m glad I’m still untouched.
13
131 days until the incident
Session #46 Audio
Dr. Annabeth Lansing (AL) and Carly “Kaitlyn” Johnson (CJ)
Friday, 24 September 2004, 7:57 PM
(AL): Am I speaking with Carly? Or Kaitlyn?
(CJ): Aren’t you supposed to be able to tell?
(AL): Hello, Kaitlyn.
(CJ): It’s Carly.
(AL): It’s better if you’re completely honest. You know that.
[Pause]
(CJ): Dr. Lansing, it’s Carly.
(AL): This is excellent. I didn’t see you last session.
(CJ): No. Kaitlyn?
(AL): She was concerned about not being able to see Jaime.
(CJ): I was wondering about that. About the delay.
(AL): A visit was arranged. I’m assuming Kaitlyn was around, not you.
(CJ): No… I was there. I meant I was wondering before the visit.
(AL): Tell me about the visit. How did it go?
(CJ): Jaime’s… different. I don’t want to talk about it.
(AL): I heard from Meredith Bailey. She tells me that Jaime was disturbed by a smell in your room.
(CJ): I don’t want to talk about it.
(AL): Carly, you need to tell me if Kaitlyn is smoking marijuana again.
(CJ): I would have told you.
(AL): It might not be very obvious.
(CJ): I lived with Kaitlyn for a long time. I know what weed smells like. There’s none.
(AL): Jaime also complained, apparently, of a strange feeling. Do you know anything about that?
(CJ): She doesn’t recognize me anymore. You keep her away from me and then wonder why she doesn’t feel comfortable? You want this—you want her to forget me.
(AL): Carly, I want no such thing. You know why she doesn’t come to see you.
(CJ): No, I don’t! Why, because they call me crazy? Because you think I have multiple personalities?
(AL): You know that’s not the only reason.
(CJ): You keep saying I know what happened the day my parents died! I don’t! So why don’t you just stop with the theatrics and tell me!
(AL): [Sigh] Carly, you have that information inside you. You will remember exactly what happened when your mind can cope with it.
(CJ): So I was there. Actually there, not just informed afterwards?
[Pause]
I was there. I was, wasn’t I?
(AL): Give the details time. You aren’t ready for the information yet. If you were, you’d have it.
(CJ): And in the meantime, Jaime grows up and forgets me.
(AL): She’ll never forget you.
[Pause]
(CJ): I’m not so sure.
[Rustling paper]
(AL): How about school this year? Do you feel more positive about it?
(CJ): There are new students.
(AL): And that makes you uncomfortable?
(CJ): [Pause] I… I don’t know.
(AL): New faces, new names, new smells. Does it make you happy? Glad for the change?
(CJ): No. I… I want things to be the same as last year.
(AL): Of course you do. No one likes change that’s unexpected. Not unless you’re a destructive alter, like Kaitlyn. Do you get messages from Kaitlyn anymore?
(CJ): Sometimes.
(AL): Thank you for being honest with me, Carly. I can see that you certainly look well and that the summer hasn’t brought back old behaviors. Apart from an appearance from Kaitlyn last week, which is to be expected, you’ve been doing well.
[Silence]
I wonder, though, if you’re being completely honest. I know that you’re intimidated by Kaitlyn, and that she’s controlling. But this is a safe space. You can tell me if there is anything wrong.
[Pause]
(CJ): Nothing’s wrong.
(AL): You’ve been wearing your school uniform to our sessions. Why?
(CJ): I don’t have time to change.
(AL): And it has nothing to do with the uniform having long sleeves?
(CJ): No.
(AL): You’re feeling good, then? Nothing bad from Kaitlyn? No cuts, bruises? Nothing hurting? Have you checked your body, Carly? Your… [Pause] I know it’s difficult, but Kaitlyn may be taking control without you knowing it and doing things—
[Loud slamming noise]
(CJ): No!
[Silence]
(AL): Well, Kaitlyn. Out again. You sound defensive.
[Heavy breathing]