“Immediately.” He eyed Cheryl’s wide eyes as she covered her mouth in joy, but Ben was a few worlds away from sharing her ecstasy.
“It’s a pretty hefty process. Pre-surgery preparation will be as crucial as intra and post. The schedule would be ten days for pre-op and the operation itself around fourteen hours. Post operation will be six weeks of induced coma so that everything can heal up, then six months of therapy and rehab.” The man paused suddenly then let out a breath. “This isn’t going to be easy for any of you. You’re going to have an entirely different head which will require some fancy psychological footwork. For you, your wife, and especially your son.”
Ben nodded, trying not to give in to the onslaught of dread his words brought. He’d thought about having another person’s head but hearing it out loud made it more real than he could stand in that second.
“The information about your donor is included in the email. I just sent it. Figured you’d be interested in that.”
Ben realized it was another one of those things he should’ve wondered about but hadn’t thought to. “Yeah. I’ll…call you in the morning and go over everything.” It was happening… quickly. There was supposed to be more time and yet now he couldn’t hang up fast enough to find that exact thing out. He was going to be wearing another man’s head. The bizarre oddity of such a thing hit him full force.
“I can’t tell you how happy you’ve made the medical community, Ben. As soon as I hang up, I’ll be calling all my colleagues to give them the good news,” he said, bubbly ecstasy in his words. “Oh and thank your wife for all of us. Had she not thought to research the matter, we might’ve missed this opportunity altogether.”
“I will. Thank you Dr. Vindel.”
“Call me John,” he said. “Have a good night. Talk to you in the morning,” he added as if reminding him he’d promised as much.
Ben nodded, wincing at the slight movement. “Okay. Goodnight.”
Cheryl took the phone from him and he closed his eyes. “What?”
“Get the laptop.”
She hurried off the bed and he didn’t protest when she put her robe on. He couldn’t stomach seeing her naked while going through this email. Already just having her in the room was making him nauseated with dread.
“I’m not going to press you for answers; whenever you have a moment to process, let me know. But…just know I’m very eager to know every detail.”
He pulled the laptop onto his lap as Cheryl climbed next to him.
“How are you feeling?”
Ben closed his eyes at the soft stroke of her fingers along his face. “Tired.”
“Are you hurting?”
He didn’t really like answering that. He was always hurting but he didn’t want her to know that. What was the point except to upset her? “Just a little. Small throbbing in my temples, low grade though.”
He hated lying but that was as much of the truth as she needed. He opened the laptop and powered it up. “You ready to meet your new husband?”
The joke hit his stomach like a lava boulder covered in acid.
“It doesn’t matter what it looks like, I’ll love you. Always.”
“It?” he asked, typing in his password.
“I didn’t feel right calling it him.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s not really going to be him, it’ll be you.”
“Then…”
“I didn’t say you because it’s not you yet, honey,” she scolded lightly while stroking the hair near his temple.
“Do we really want to know?” he began to wonder.
She paused her stroking. “You don’t?”
Sounded like she was willing to not look if he didn’t want to. “I…” He wasn’t sure now, he hadn’t considered not looking.
“We could just do it and love whatever it is. Like we did with Charlie’s gender.”
“Oh God,” he barely muttered, closing his eyes.
“What?” she cried, combing her nails through the hair on his arm.
“Don’t defile that with this.”
“Well, do you want to look or not? I think it should be your decision.”
“Do you want to know?” he asked, wondering.
“Well…I think I do? I’m guessing they’ll say we need to as part of the pre-operative preparation?”
“Like Lamaze classes?”
A half giggle burst from her and Ben logged onto Google. “Maybe we want popcorn for this.”
“You think we should…wait for Charlie?”
“Hell no,” Ben blurted disgusted, making her laugh again.
“Why not?”
“Because what if it’s so…whatever, that we can’t hide it? I wouldn’t want to hide it and I don’t want him to hide it.”
“Then we don’t, we say the truth. If it’s an ugly fat head, then…we say so. You’ve had a beautiful head for nearly half your life. We can be thankful for that, can’t we?”
“Oh yeah, sure,” he muttered hovering over the email button, nervous.
“Are we waiting?” she wondered.
“No. We’ll look and…get it out of our system, whatever that may be before we show Charlie his new daddy.”
“Stop,” she cooed, lightly tapping his arm.
“Stop what? This is creepy as…God, there is nothing this creepy,” he blasted, wanting to swear. “We’re looking at some dude’s head that I’ll be owning soon. I don’t even get to pick. God, I hope to hell it’s not…” He shut the laptop shaking his head. “I can’t do this.”
She stiffened and sat forward. “Do what?”
All of it, he wanted to say. He held his jaw shut. “I need a moment.” A million moments.
“Take your time. Do you need anything? Something to eat? Drink?”
“Let’s look in the morning.”
“Okay,” she said softly, leaning to his cheek and placing soft kisses. “Are you thirsty? Hungry?”
“I am hungry,” he realized. Starving.
“You want me to…”
He turned his mouth to hers. A second after, he remembered he wanted to lead. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Her surprised breath and the soft, eager opening of her mouth lit all the new yearnings. Ben realized they weren’t new at all, they were old and timeless. Buried beneath five miles of fear. A deep fear of losing the one thing he loved more than anything, the most beautiful thing he’d ever owned, the single treasure that belonged only to him. His wife.
There were instincts with these desires that had him stroking the side of her face as he explored kissing her. As if enjoying the very same, she allowed him as much as he wanted. The hot blasts of her breath and hints of moans fed his appetite, driving him to feel more, deeper, faster. Soon both hands held her face, pressing into the softness, feeling the dizzying dance with everything he was.
She finally pulled away, far enough for him to really see her. She stared at him, winded, her lips parted and full, dark eyes smoldering with things he’d never seen before and never wanted to stop seeing. He’d put that fire there. Now, he wanted to know how high he could get it to burn. And what she would look like then.