As she burst into loud sobs, she shook her head. Why couldn’t he be as happy as she was? It wasn’t as if they hadn’t spoken about their future and the fact that she wanted children someday. The only difference in the plan was it was happening sooner than expected and she needed him. She couldn’t do it all alone. One of his investments had obviously paid off. He could get rid of his business interests in Cleevesford and, that way, they’d never have to come back. All he had to do was take the plunge. All would be fine. He’d promised her that everything would work out.
She glanced up. There was no joy in his grimace and she knew she was going to have to go it alone. Why had she been such a fool? Everyone would laugh at her now.
‘Stop it, come on.’ He placed his arms across her shoulders and pulled her into him as she sobbed louder. ‘I said stop it.’
‘I’m having a baby, I can’t just stop it. Look at you. I’ve given up everything to be here all the time, lapping up your empty promises. This is your moment to show me what I mean to you and I get it. I finally see you for what you are. You only love yourself. Get out.’ She grabbed the salad bowl and flung the lettuce across his chest. She’d have her baby alone just like her mother had. It wasn’t how she’d imagined her future to be. ‘My only regret is wasting a year on someone like you.’
‘You can’t have this baby, you do know that.’ He flicked the lettuce away and stood. Veins pulsed on his temples as his stare bored through her. He didn’t scare her, he wasn’t the first or last man in her life who thought it was his way or no way. She was a little older now, wiser, and she was going to stand her ground. He could stare all he liked. She was having the baby whether he was in her life or not. Bad decision? Maybe. What she wanted? Definitely –bad decision or not.
‘I can and I will. My body, my choice.’ She stood and walked towards the hall as he hurried behind her. ‘Get out.’ She pointed to the door. Seeing him react so unreasonably had been a first and it was going to be a last. He would never speak to her in that tone again.
‘I’m going. Don’t expect anything off me if you’re not prepared to listen to what I want. I’ll be in touch about everything we need to finalise.’
‘Blah, blah, blah. It’s always been about you. I don’t know why I expected it would be any different. Just go.’ She wiped her nose on the back of her hand and watched him through the reflection in the hall mirror. The same mirror that had reflected her red curls bouncing as she’d excitedly answered the door to him only half an hour earlier. Her blue eyes were now rimmed with angry swollen red lids. She flinched as he caught her looking. ‘I said go or I’ll call the police.’ Her heart began to hammer against her ribs. Why wasn’t he going?
‘You think it’s that easy.’ He pinned her to the wall and gripped her throat, applying enough pressure to take her breath away. His fingernails drove into the back of her neck.
Gasping, she gripped his wrists but his strength had her locked in place. Every beat of her heart thumped through her head, louder and louder until her vision prickled. She could make out his grin, she could smell the wine on his breath and she shuddered as she felt his erection. She had been in a relationship with him for a year and it was at this point that she realised she knew nothing at all about him. He let go and she flopped to the ground, only having enough energy to protectively stroke her stomach.
He’d spared her.
She’d messed her life up the moment she’d waved at him across the bar in the Angel Arms all those months ago. She should have listened to her instincts telling her to stay away, that he’d be bad for her but he’d been her secret pleasure since. It’s not like she’d only just met him, she knew him well. From that moment on, she’d got to know him a lot better, in ways she’d never imagined possible.
‘You say a word and I’ll kill you next time. Did you get that?’
She stroked her neck, hoping that he’d leave so she could cry her heart out. She was about to lose everything and he knew it. She hugged her body, not daring to catch his eye before he left. That moment had told her all she needed to know. I’m a survivor. I’ll get through this.
His final words filled her head. I’ll kill you next time. A few more seconds and he would have killed her. She understood the warning, loud and clear as she coughed and gasped. Talk and you die.
Chapter One
Saturday, 9 May 2020
‘Here’s to Kerry and Ed Powell, my beautiful daughter and my new son-in-law. This is for those of you who couldn’t make Crete, enjoy the open bar and let’s celebrate!’ The father of the bride passed the microphone back to the DJ. ‘Celebration’ by Kool & The Gang blasted out and more partygoers joined the happy couple on the dance floor. Not Holly though. She’d spent all day ditching her drinks in plant pots, down the toilet, even on a carpet in the corridor outside Brendan and Lilly’s room – that would be Lilly, the slimmer bridesmaid. The one who hadn’t cost her oldest friend Kerry a further sixty pounds in clothing alteration fees because she’d got pregnant.
She touched her stomach; stroking it would be too obvious. Was that a flutter? She smiled as it happened again. Kerry giggled in her huge multi-layered wedding dress as she and Ed danced, then Kerry’s gaze met hers. Only for a second, but maybe that had been long enough. Holly dropped her hands to her sides, leaving her stomach alone. Normally, an expectant mother would share this news and everyone would partake in the joy of hearing about her baby’s first flutter, but she couldn’t say a word. Her joy was also her burning shame.
Her baby was a secret. Her relationship was a secret. She was sick of secrets. No one had suspected a thing to date but her baby wouldn’t remain a secret for long.
The music blasted out. She didn’t feel like celebrating at all despite the happy dancers and drinkers surrounding her. The room had filled even more since the evening guests had arrived. She flinched as a group of men nudged her to get to the bar. As Samuel Avery, the landlord of the Angel Arms, pulled one of the guest ales at the secondary pop-up bar, he winked at her. She broke their eye contact. The other men at the bar began to shout and laugh, their rowdiness standing out from the crowd as they ordered a tray of free drinks. The father of the bride danced with his daughter as Ed pulled his new mother-in-law onto the dance floor. Francesca, one of the bridesmaids, re-entered the room and slowly turned in the middle of the dance floor, sporting a look that suggested she might be sick at any moment.
Hot and sick, that was how Holly was beginning to feel too. The venison followed by the lemon pie dessert was beginning to turn her stomach. She regretted following all that with the petits fours. A lot of things sickened her lately and the smell of fried onions coming from the hot buffet weren’t helping. She lifted the hem of her sage green satin dress and made her way to the terrace of Cleevesford Manor where she hoped that fresh air and the expanse of woodland beyond the stunning gardens would ease her queasiness. Claustrophobia and pregnancy had got the better of her.
Gasping, she backed onto the cold wall, the music thudding as Kool & The Gang faded into ABBA’s, ‘Dancing Queen’. Her life as she knew it would soon be over. Today had been a façade as she watched her friend commit to the love of her life. All this happiness would soon end. There were lies, lots of them and those lies were coming out soon and people were going to get hurt. She wondered if her friends would ever forgive her betrayal. She, Lilly, Kerry and Fran had named themselves the Awesome Foursome when they were at school. Was the end of an era on the horizon?