Jack chuckles. “He loves you. He wants you to be happy.”
My face falls suddenly, and I no longer have it in me to joke around. “Jack. We’ve got to talk. It’s gotten really bad.”
His face goes white and he pulls in a breath as if he’s been preparing for this. “Did they find his body?”
I press my fingers to my lips, shaking my head tightly, wondering if Emma was right. Is Ledger with wife number three right now? As I sit here worried sick about him? “No,” I tell Jack. “It’s worse than that.”
“How can it be worse, Pen? He’s gone.”
I lead him through the house, pulling open the sliding glass doors and walking out onto the patio. We did it all up last year with our tax return. Ledger got a grill, I got a table and chairs, an umbrella, the kids got a swing set. We felt like an all-American family. Like we were finally getting our shit together. We could have barbecues and invite the neighbors and all the adults would have places to sit. We wouldn’t have to sit with our potato salad and hamburgers in our laps.
Bethany and Leo came over with their kids for the Fourth of July and we drank sangria, laughing over nothing, punch-drunk and happy. The kids drew with sidewalk chalk and ran around with sparklers. It was perfect.
Sitting here with Jack now, a little over a year later, the memory seems so make-believe. Was life ever so perfect as how I remember it? Even now, thinking harder, I can see the cracks in the story I told myself. Benny had thrown rocks at Tiny, fighting over a tricycle. I’d been irritated with Ledger over forgetting the hot dog buns, and Leo and Bethany were trying to figure out if they were going to stay together. She had no idea she was two months pregnant. Jack had stopped by and gotten drunk, talking about how online dating was bullshit and how he wished he could find a girl like me.
I know he is fond of me, which is why I know he will tell me the truth even if it’s hard to swallow.
“I need to ask you something, Jack. And I need you to be honest with me. Don’t edit yourself to protect Ledger. I need the truth.”
Jack sets down his Frappuccino, leaning forward on his knees. “What is it, Penny? You’re freaking me out.”
“Did Ledger ever mention another woman? Another woman he might have been seeing?”
Jack stiffens. He closes his eyes, shaking his head. “Fuck,” he says. “I knew it.”
Chapter Nine
My body goes rigid. “Knew what?” I ask. My voice sharp. Tight. Like I’m about to snap.
“It’s gonna sound weird but… about two weeks ago, I was with Ledger. We were at Joe’s Pub — he was leaving in the morning for this last trip that he was just on. And anyways, he got this call. It was strange because he answered it right away and you know how Ledger is about talking on the phone.”
I nod, needing him to tell me the story faster.
“Well, anyways, the number flashed on his screen. Unknown. He stepped away to take the call, and when he came back to the table, I asked what was up. He said you called, needing him to get milk on the way home. I knew he was lying. Your photo and name come up on his phone when you call.”
I lick my lips, trying to remember asking Ledger for milk. I can’t. “Anything else?”
“Yeah, now this is gonna sound weird, okay? But the next day I saw you at Shop ‘N Save, remember? It was early in the morning, you had the twins, Ledger had already left. You were getting a box of donuts at the bakery. And you had a gallon of milk in your cart.”
My blood goes cold. “I remember. You said, Ledger is really dropping the ball, something like that, right? You said, didn’t you call asking for milk last night?” Jack nods and I go on. “I remember shaking my head, confused at what you were saying. And you realized that whatever you were talking about, I didn’t understand. You backpedaled.”
Jack runs a hand through his short brown hair. “Ledger isn’t like this. Lying over shit like milk. Making up stories. It’s Ledger. He’s as solid as any damn rock. I thought at the time, what the hell would he be lying to me for? I tried to think what he would keep from me, his closest friend. And all I could come up with was another woman. Because he knows how much I care about you, how I’d never let him live that down. Cheating on you would be a deal-breaker.”
I draw back, arms crossed, not liking this version of Ledger. “You really think he was having an affair? All you have to go off of is one unknown number. One lie about milk.”
Jack leans back, solemn. “You asked the question, Penny. Not me. What do you think?”
“I think Ledger has some explaining to do.”
I fill Jack in on everything I know. Emma and the accident and his faked death, and by the end, he’s pacing the patio, strung out on the facts. I show him the photographs Emma left and he looks them over, haunted by the story that I share.
“How much of it is real?” he asks. “I mean, do you actually believe the guy we love could have been totally fictional?”
I groan, my gut all twisted, my heart torn up. “I’m too scared to google the accident from five years ago.”
“We have to,” Jack says pulling out his phone. “What was his name?”
“Henry James, married to Emma. He died April 14 in Vancouver, Washington. He was a service trainer for General Motors.” My tone is flat, unrecognizable. I tell Jack what I know as plainly as possible because if I give into my feelings right now, I might never recover. And my kids need me to be strong, to figure out what the fuck is happening with our lives.
“It’s true,” he says. “Everything she said. Look.” He hands me his phone and I read the Vancouver Tribune. Local man dies in fatal crash over a cliff, body never recovered after being engulfed by flames. Henry James leaves behind wife, Emma.
The photo attached of Ledger — Henry — is unmistakable. Same scar under his left eye that crosses the bridge of his crooked nose. It’s my Ledger.
“Fuck, Penny, this is insane.”
“Do you think he did it again? Left me for whoever was on the other end of that unknown number?”
“I don’t know. I mean, shit, why would he do this, leave you? Penny, you’re everything a guy could want. Thoughtful, smart, and a damn good writer.”
I swallow, handing Jack his phone and leaning away. I know Jack has always cared about me. Like if Ledger wasn’t my husband, he might want to be. Not in a creepy way, in a kind way. Protective. In a way that makes me believe he’s looking out for my best interests. And right now I need that. I need backup.
“I have to call Grand Slam. The claims guy left a message. I just don’t even want to deal with that right now.”
“Penny,” Jack says slowly. “Listen, let me help. I can call them for you.”
“I can’t imagine Ledger doing this. Leaving me. I know our life wasn’t perfect and that the kids were a lot and money was tight, but we were happy. At least, I thought we were happy.”
Jack doesn’t say anything. He looks away, as if my words are too pathetic considering everything we’ve just discussed. And maybe they are.
“You know how he was always talking about the brakes, how the trucks weren’t being inspected properly?” I say, desperate now for Jack to look into my eyes once more. To track with me. My life is a whole new level of fucked up when I consider finding my husband’s dead body the best scenario.