“No labels on the boxes?” I asked.
Ida Belle shook her head. “They were new boxes purchased from one of those moving stores.”
I frowned. If Gertie was going to such lengths to hide what she was bringing to the fair, then she knew she was being watched and she really didn’t want anyone to know what she was up to. Which spelled potential disaster.
“Does the fair have medical professionals?” I asked.
“There are always paramedics on duty,” Ida Belle said.
“Firemen?” I asked.
She nodded.
“Well, short of hiring a bomb squad to be on call, I don’t know what else we can do,” I said. “Except what we’re doing.”
“Is this how your investigations go?” Walter asked. “You two wondering what Gertie is going to do that might get you killed?”
“Sometimes,” I said. “We checked her handbag for a while but we found it more worrisome than not knowing. And the truth is, her bag of tricks has saved our hides more than it’s jeopardized them. I’m pretty sure. Maybe.”
“That doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence,” Walter said.
“Then it’s a good thing you’re not working with Fortune,” Ida Belle said. “There are always risks in that sort of work.”
“Sure. Being injured or killed by bad guys,” Walter said. “You’re not supposed to have to worry about your wingman.”
“No,” I said. “But it would be a lot less exciting if she was predictable.”
Walter shook his head. “I give up.”
“You might as well,” Ida Belle said. “Gertie’s old as Christ and isn’t likely to change. I’m old as Christ and never was going to change. And Fortune already has Carter to deal with. She doesn’t need you hovering as well.”
“It’s okay, Walter,” I said. “I understand your hovering and think it’s touching. But it’s only going to affect your blood pressure.”
“Which is why my general policy is that I prefer to be kept in the dark,” Walter said. “Unfortunately, the whole town is here at the fair and Gertie’s about to spring something on us and you two are worried about it. So me and my blood pressure are right where we need to be.”
I smiled. I couldn’t really argue with him. All I could do was pray for the best.
Since we were early, we found seats in the front row just off center of the stage, but the crowd wasn’t far behind. People swarmed into the tent, grabbing a folding chair wherever they could find room. When those were all gone, people threw blankets on the ground and sat there. I really hoped we didn’t need to clear the tent quickly because it would be a cattle stampede in an enclosed space.
By the time everyone had gotten situated, it was time for the contest to begin. Marie, Sinful’s current mayor and Ida Belle and Gertie’s longtime friend, stepped onto the stage. Everyone cheered, except for Celia’s crew, who’d taken up seats in the front couple rows on the opposite side of us. I scanned the group, looking for their ringleader, but didn’t see her.
“Where’s Celia?” I asked.
“Celia’s in the contest,” Ida Belle said.
I stared. “Doing what? The only talents she has that I’m aware of are complaining and flashing her big panties at completely inappropriate times.”
“Good question,” Walter said. “She can’t play an instrument or sing and since she can’t walk without falling lots of the time, I’m going to hazard a guess that dancing is off the table as well. Maybe she’s going to pull up a chair and knit.”
“She doesn’t knit well either,” Ida Belle said. “Doesn’t cook worth a darn. Doesn’t grow flowers or vegetables. Doesn’t fish. Honestly, as a Southern woman, she’s pretty much a failure.”
I frowned. “So you’re saying I’m going to have to take up some of those if I ever want to be considered a successful Southern woman?”
“You can shoot a gun like no one’s business,” Ida Belle said. “That gets you an automatic in.”
Walter nodded.
“Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” Marie said, and the crowd quieted. “It’s time to begin our show. We have five acts competing tonight. At the end of the performances, we’ll put the vote to our residents by applause. Without further ado, let the show begin!”
Scooter was the first contestant on stage and I looked over at Walter, who seemed surprised to see his chief mechanic and all around go-to employee on the stage. Scooter wasn’t the most outgoing of Sinful’s residents, but since he was holding a guitar and had some contraption around his neck with a harmonica in it, I assumed we were about to hear some music.
When he started playing, I stared in shock. He was good. No. He was excellent. I looked over at Ida Belle and Walter but they seemed as amazed as I was. Apparently Scooter had found ways to occupy his empty date-night calendar rather than resorting to television and beer. When he was done, he got a big round of applause and cheering.
“I didn’t know Scooter could play like that,” I said.
“I don’t think anyone did,” Walter said. “I’m impressed.”
“He might win this thing,” Ida Belle said.
Walter nodded. “He certainly has a shot with that performance.”
Scooter headed behind the big curtain and then around to the side of the stage where there were chairs for the contestants to sit and watch the show. The curtains parted again and Ronald, my quirky next-door neighbor, stepped out, then started inching across the stage in a huge dress. It was gold and burgundy and looked like something I’d seen in a painting of Queen Elizabeth. He even had a headpiece that was sort of shaped like a heart and had jewels all over it.
“Lord, this ought to be good,” Ida Belle said.
“At least Godzilla won’t show up at the fairgrounds,” I said.
Gertie’s gator friend had made an impromptu appearance at Ida Belle and Walter’s wedding right as Pastor Don was about to pronounce them husband and wife. Ronald, who had apparently been channeling Gertie, had a small casserole stashed in his purse and offered to distract the beast with food so Pastor Don could wrap up the service. Unfortunately, Godzilla charged, Ronald threw the casserole up and ran, Godzilla chased, and ultimately, we had to sacrifice a bowl of crab dip to get him back in the water. There was a brief moment when we were all afraid the caterer was going to shoot Godzilla or Ronald or both. She didn’t take crab dip lightly.
As for Ronald, well, he wasn’t just fit to be tied, he was actually tied. The long train and veil of his princess dress had gotten caught on a branch when he shinnied up a tree, and when he slipped, he managed to roll himself over and over in it and finally just hung there like a bug in a cocoon.
“I don’t suppose Ronald’s been in your backyard since we cut him out of that dress,” Ida Belle said.
I shook my head. “I’m hoping that means his worship of Godzilla is over with, but then, I haven’t seen Godzilla in a while, so I can’t be sure.”
“At least he has nicer underwear than Celia,” Ida Belle said.
I nodded. “And you called it—the ceremony was barely over before we saw someone’s butt.”