I’ve never felt so fucking weak.
“Oh, I never expected you to get hold of me,” she replies standoffishly. “I mean, let’s face it, Lucy, you have neglected our friendship for so long that I barely know who you are anymore.” Her words hurt me, striking like a hot iron.
“Please don’t be like this, Kim,” I plead. Again, with the fucking pleading. It’s all I do. Plead for it all to end, plead for my life, plead, plead, plead. I’m sick to death of pleading.
“Well, then how should I be?” she questions.
“I don’t think this is the time or the place for this,” Michael interrupts.
“I couldn’t care less what you think,” Kim hisses at him and I inwardly scream at her, begging her not to continue talking, but my silent requests are ignored. “You are the reason for Lucy not speaking to me.”
“You better watch your mouth,” Michael says and my heartbeat races as he gives my friend the death stare, the same stare that makes my fucking lungs feel like they are closing up and leaves me struggling to breathe.
“What are you going to do? Hit me?” Kim retorts and Michael steps in front of me, pushing me behind him.
I desperately try to get Kim’s attention and try to convey to her that she needs to shut up, be quiet, keep it zipped, so that I don’t suffer for her words when I get home.
She’s about to open her mouth, when she looks at me, watches me, gauges my reaction.
Eyes wide with fear.
Head subtly moving from side to side.
Tears being held back by biting my tongue so hard that I draw blood.
She sees all of that, and she clamps her mouth shut, her eyes returning to Michael and her shoulders slumping.
“Let’s just go, Michael,” I whisper as I wrap my hand around his arm, trying to show him my need for him to get me away from here. I give his arm a gentle squeeze and he looks at me. Seconds pass before he visibly relaxes and puts his arm around my shoulders, dragging me to him once again.
He turns us in the direction of the office doors, but Kim didn’t get the message as clearly as I thought as she says, “You two run along now. Don’t worry about the people who were left worried about you, Lucy. You just go and play whatever game it is that you started.”
Game?
A fucking game?
I fight the urge to turn back and really show her how this is not a fucking game. Hell, I wouldn’t even wish my life on my worst enemy.
I bite my bottom lip as Michael moves us to the doors.
I want to tell her the truth. I want to let her in and make her see that this is the only way that I will ever be free. I want to scream and shout and tell everyone what an abusive asshole Michael is, but it’s not the time.
Not yet.
I just have to wait.
Wait to get my happy ending.
Wait to see if my friends will forgive me and wait to tell them that I don’t love Michael.
Kim obviously believes that I do. She couldn’t be farther from the truth.
“And just so you know,” Kim says, her voice a little higher now that we are a few feet away from her. “It’s no good crawling back to me when you realise your mistake, Lucy. I’m done, and so is Cal.”
Chapter Five
Tomorrow
I run a bath. Lock the door.
I don’t need Michael bothering me right now.
I feel cold, a chill running down my spine.
The warm water starts to make the bathroom steamy as I undress.
I take a look at myself in the fogged-up mirror. I look pale, as I usually look nowadays, almost ghostly. Dark bags circle my eyes. My skin looks sallow, like its lacking nutrients. My eyes haven’t sparkled in a long time. Dull, grey pools that look dead, lifeless, miserable.
Kim was right. I am beyond recognition of the woman that I used to be.
I stop running the water and climb into the tub, the warmth almost stinging my skin. I need to wash away the pathetic doormat that I have become.
I need to find myself again.
I need to get my friends back, not to mention my life.
I need to show Michael that I am no longer going to be a pushover.
I need to start taking control.
I need to embrace that I am a fighter, that I can do this and make him pay for all that he has done to me.
It’s always easy to put it off for another day, convince myself that I need more time to think of a plan.
I don’t need more time.
What I need is to exert some fucking self-importance.
I don’t want to be weak.
I don’t want to live in fear.
I don’t want to lose everyone that I love.
Tomorrow will just be another day to some, but for me, it’s the beginning of the end.
Tomorrow, I will embrace the woman that I used to be.
Take control.
Put me first.
Tomorrow, I will be better.
Tomorrow, I will be stronger.
Tomorrow, I start.
Chapter Six
Something Different
I am up and ready for work early. I have make-up on and Michael has said nothing. In fact, he hasn’t spoken to me since we left the office yesterday. A welcome relief for me.
I am wearing a smart suit, and I feel good. Well, maybe not good, but better than yesterday, more determined, more in control.
Yesterday made me realise that I need to act fast. I can’t wait for Michael to give me alone time because that will never happen.
I’m also starting to see that maybe I’m not the weak one here.
I’m not the coward.
In fact, I’m probably the stronger one.
I would have to be to put up with Michael’s reign of terror.
I just have to figure out how to use my new-found strength to my advantage.
Walking to work in silence, I listen to the birds singing, signalling another day.
I reflect on Michael’s reaction to Kim. I expected him to be angry with me, I expected him to lash out, call me a fucking parasite, and make me cower. He did none of those things. Instead, he seemed pleased, joyous, smug.
I guess Kim acting the way that she did has reaffirmed some belief inside of him that no one is there for me anymore. He thinks that he has achieved what he set out to, isolating me from my loved ones.
Well, he’s in for a shock because I will get Cal and Kim back, even if it is the last thing that I do.
Entering our main office, I look for Kim, but she isn’t sat at her desk. Michael leads me to the small project room and Tyler joins us a few minutes later.
“Lucy, good to see you,” Tyler says as he comes over and gives me a hug. I’m a little taken aback by his familiarity but I also welcome the warmth. Michael’s eyes are blazing, but I ignore him, intent to show him that things are going to change.
“Shall we get on then,” Michael grunts out, abruptly causing Tyler to let go of me and hastily sit down in one of the seats placed around the table. I notice that he chooses one of the seats away from me as Michael continues to glare.
I roll my eyes, unable to help myself and Michael clenches his jaw. It’s funny how I’ve been a woman living in fear for months, and today, I couldn’t care less.
He broke something inside of me, and I’m ready to put it back together.