“Oh, sweeting, no. I haven’t heard any unhappy news of him. I only meant that I miss him being here with us.”
“Oh.” The word emerged on a rush of breath. She swallowed at the tears welling up in her throat. “I thought—”
Lucas stood once more and pulled her into a hug. “My apologies, Julia. I hadn’t intended to make you worry like that for even a moment. I am certain Stanley is perfectly well.”
“He’s the only one left, Lucas,” she said, her face against his silk waistcoat. “Everyone else is gone.”
He patted her back. “You still have your papa.”
She nodded. That was true.
“And my parents love you like their own child,” he said.
They were very kind to her, always welcomed her warmly into their home, even when she was storming through it, searching out one or another of their children.
“And I’m still here, Julia.”
Her heart ached a little as she repeated herself. “Robert Finley told me you are leaving Lampton Park.”
“I am.” He spoke the words as if they were a simple statement of fact that ought to have no more impact than an observation on whether or not the roads were passable. “I’m taking up residence at Brier Hill.”
She pulled back, looking for some indication that she was misunderstanding him. She found none. “Where is Brier Hill?”
“In Cumberland,” he said.
“Cumberland?” How horrid. “That is the other side of the country.”
He smiled as if she’d made a joke. “Not quite as far as that. It’s only a few days by carriage.”
“How many days?”
He shrugged. “That depends on weather and road conditions.”
“I’m in earnest, Lucas. Is Brier Hill near enough that you’ll be here often?”
“No, sweeting. I’ll come back now and again, but I can’t make that journey often.”
It was true, then. “You are leaving.”
“I need my own home, with space to myself.”
“But you’ll be so far away.” She fought the urge to pout, trying very hard to present a picture of maturity no matter how tempted she was to stomp her foot. “I’ll be all alone.”
“Stanley will be home soon enough, you’ll see. And he’ll be living at Farland Meadows with you.”
“Could you not wait until he returns and then withdraw to Cumberland?”
She couldn’t tell if his answering expression was sympathy or pity, but she didn’t particularly care for either possibility.
“It is time for me to claim my corner of the world, Julia.”
“And leave me by myself in this corner?”
“I am sorry.” Though he sounded sincere, there was no room in his tone for a change of plans.
“Please don’t go,” she said quietly, urgently. “Please.”
“I have to, sweeting.”
“Please.”
He shook his head. “It is time for me to move on.”
The fight drained from her as she stood there trying desperately to hold together the pieces of her life that were suddenly flying in all directions. She’d lost her sister. Her mother. Lucas’s sister, who had been her dear friend when they’d been children. His youngest brother, Philip, who had been near to her in age. James, who had been like another brother. And Stanley was so far away, in danger.
Lucas always left her. Always. Part of her died a little inside every time another person she loved went away. She couldn’t do it again. She couldn’t endure that heartache one more time.
She let out her pent-up breath, allowing her shoulders to drop. “I hope you’ll be happy there.”
“I will be.” He walked back around the table to where his book stack sat. But he looked at her one more time. “I’ll come by and bid you farewell before I leave in a couple of days.”
She nodded, but she didn’t mean it. He could come to Farland Meadows, but she wasn’t going to make any goodbyes. Her twelve years of life had been filled with too many farewells. She wouldn’t endure another.
It didn’t do to set one’s heart on people when all people did was leave.
Chapter Two
Nottinghamshire, 1785
Eight years later
Lucas Jonquil hadn’t set foot on his family estate in well over a year. He and his friend Kester Barrington had undertaken their Grand Tour together—Paris, Geneva, Rome. So many places and people and sights. A glorious year of traveling the Continent. But Lucas was eager to be home again.
“Your parents won’t mind that I’m coming along with you?” Kes pulled his mount up even with Lucas’s.
“They like you well enough. They’ll be happy to see you.”
Kes arched an eyebrow above his wire-rimmed spectacles. “Happy as they are to see you?”
Lucas tipped a corner of his mouth up in a smile of feigned arrogance. “Everyone’s always happiest to see me.”
They set their horses at a slow walk, meandering toward the Lampton Park stables. Drinking in the sight of his beloved childhood home required moving slowly.
Frank, who’d run the stables for a number of years, met them at the paddock, his familiar gap-toothed smile in full evidence. “Welcome back, Lord Jonquil.”
“Good to be back, Frank.” A few of the stablehands stepped out as well, offering smiles and bows of welcome. Lucas greeted them as his and Kes’s mares were led away.
Frank lowered his voice and leaned a bit closer. “Your parents are at Farland Meadows just now. You weren’t expected for hours yet.”
“We did make quick work of that last leg of the journey.” Lucas pulled out his pocket watch, a silver timepiece he’d purchased in Vienna. It was not as ornate as many gentlemen’s were, but he’d liked it instantly. He hadn’t brought back many souvenirs of his travels. It made this one all the more treasured. He looked to Frank once more. “Any chance my parents are making a quick visit to Lord Farland?”
Frank grinned. “No, m’lord. You’ve time enough for larking a bit.”
“Don’t you think I’ve outgrown such things? I’m quite the sophisticated gentleman now.”
Frank scraped and bowed quite exaggeratedly, pulling a laugh from Lucas.