Niko stepped out and smiled at her. “Something to trade?”
“Oh, it’s you. You shouldn’t creep up on me like that.”
El, too, had begun to hope they would meet like this or maybe in some more private place, although she couldn’t imagine where that might be. Usually El confided all of her daily experiences to the nuns but these she kept private, thinking about Niko as she fell asleep at night, sometimes even dreaming about him. She wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by Niko. It was there her daydreams stopped.
“I was just standing here and happened to see you. There was no creeping up at all.” He was still smiling. “Come over in the shade. I want to talk to you.”
El followed him to the doorway. As they reached it, the shade felt good, and she looked around at the street. No one was out. The lunch hour was over. Everyone was back where they were supposed to be. The closest InCom screen was telling people about the value of working for the Regime, about the rewards their work would yield. Of course the rewards would go to the Regime, but the announcer didn’t say that. On the screen there were shots of happy people at clean, bright factories and in Regime greenhouses. They waved and saluted.
“What do you want?”
As she asked, Niko reached behind her and slid a thin piece of metal along the edge of the doorway, and she heard a click. He pushed the door open and took her hand. Once inside, he closed the door behind her.
“Cooler in here,” he said.
The building had once been a shoe factory. There were skylights in the roof. Light bathed the old wood floor and the long tables, pitted from decades of use, now abandoned like so much of what had once been alive in the city.
El wandered away from him, glancing around in wonder.
“The sisters have told me that there used to be so many factories before. And . . .” she was afraid to tell him more.
“And what?” He waited, but El didn’t say anything else. “You can trust me, El. What else did they say?”
El shrugged and moved away from him to look over the tables.
“I wonder how many people used to work in here,” she said. “I wonder about all those people and what happened to them. What happened to the way things used to be?”
“What do you know about the way things used to be?”
El shrugged again and leaned her back against a table.
“No, you said the sisters told you. Then you said, ‘and.’ And what, El?”
She stared at Niko, thinking about the sisters and their warnings. Could she trust him? Should she?
“Tell me. I wonder about what happened too. About who my parents were. If they’re even alive. Don’t you wonder about things like that, El?”
She moved back to where Niko stood and nodded.
“Yes. I wonder about things. But that’s dangerous. You never know what you might find out.”
“But you did find something out, right? What was it?”
El’s shoulders slumped and she curled her fingers over the edge of the table, almost as if she felt she might fall and need to hang onto something.
“They have a place where they store things,” she whispered. “A secret pit. I found it one day by accident. I’ve watched things and read things. Things that tell what happened.”
“A secret place?” He walked over to where she stood and put his hands on her shoulders, nodding down at the newspaper-wrapped package. “Did this come from there?”
She backed away. “No. This is just . . .” El laid the package on one of the big tables. She unwrapped it and pointed to two jars lying next to each other. “See, this is just honey that I use to barter. We collect it at the convent.”
He came to her side again. “Can I taste some?”
She looked up at him with clear eyes framed by thick lashes. “I guess.” She took one and opened it. Lifting the lid, she wiped her finger on her shirt and dipped it into the honey, swirling her finger so it wouldn’t drip off. “Quick,” she said, and he leaned in and took her finger into his mouth.
He sucked it like a baby bird, and when all the sweetness had transferred down his throat, he let go of her finger, then dipped his into the jar and said, “Your turn.”
She was too surprised to refuse, and besides, the sisters had taught her not to waste food. Their admonitions had become part of her instincts. She, too, sucked at the sweet, thick liquid. Before she knew what was happening, Niko pulled his hand away and leaned into her so close she could feel his warm breath and smell the honey still on it. It was like one of her dreams, as if she had willed this to happen. And when he took her finger and pressed it to his lips, it created a delicious thrill that ran through her body, down below her stomach, down, down farther, and she didn’t pull away or make a sound.
In the next minutes, El lost track of time as Niko explored her body with his hands and pressed his fingers to her breast until she felt like crumbling. When she felt his fingers between her legs, something changed. She tried to back away, but his other arm was around her and his lips were on her neck.
“Niko,” she said, and her voice was so throaty she wasn’t sure any sound had emerged.
He was lifting her skirt, and she felt dizzy. “Niko,” she said again, this time with more strength.
He pulled away from her face to gaze at her, his eyes heavy, a determined look about him.
“Niko, stop.” She said it with certainty this time. “I can’t. We can’t.”
“Why not?” He stroked her arm.
“Because we just can’t. Not now. Not here.”
Could she guess what he was thinking, feeling? That she wasn’t like those other girls, or the women who worked at the clubs? That she was fresh and new? That he felt something but couldn’t have said what? That he wanted her but also he wanted something else. What was it? What else was there? Even if he had told her his thoughts, she couldn’t have understood them because she had been protected by the old nuns.
“There’s no place for us, El. Not ever. And soon I may be . . .” He couldn’t say it out loud.
She placed her fingers against his lips. “Don’t.”
“Why won’t you let us be happy while we can?”
“I don’t know. I just can’t. Not yet. Please understand.”
“Then will you do something for me?”
“What?” She eyed him, wondering what else there could be.
“Will you hide something for me? Trade the honey for it, if you like.”
He let her go and walked to a dark corner of the big room. He picked up a bunch of papers and brought them back. After unwrapping the honey, he folded the newspapers over the maps of Infinius. “Take this back to the convent. Hide it in your secret place. One day, if things go all right, I’ll ask for them. If things don’t go all right, burn them.”
“But . . .”
Niko placed his fingers on her lips. “No questions. It’s better if you don’t know anything. Just hide them for me. Okay?”
She nodded and he let his hand drop, but he leaned into her as if it might be goodbye forever. El folded against him, and suddenly she wanted what he’d wanted just a few minutes earlier. But this time, he pulled away and, with a rueful smile, said, “I have to go now. But when we meet again, then you’ll be ready?”