She had no idea what was happening to her.
Five
For the next few days, Sparrow left as soon as she woke in the morning and did not return until just before dark. She wished she could stay out until it was time to sleep, but it was too dangerous to be out on the streets at night. She didn’t eat any of the food Mama prepared, but only ate what she could steal so she wouldn’t be a burden. She continued to steal and sell items when she could, but she was terrified of passing out again. She didn’t know what was causing the dreams, so she didn’t know how to stop them. Many times, she would see the perfect person to try and steal from, but at the last moment, her nerves would fail her and she would give up, running away and cowering until her hands would stop shaking and her head would stop sweating. She hoped that the money she had already given Mama would be enough to get them by for a while because she was not bringing enough money home each night now.
When Sparrow did come home, Mama did not talk to her, but acted like Sparrow didn’t exist. She continued to coddle the baby, and she spoke to Dove as though nothing had happened. At home, Dove also did not speak to Sparrow, but Sparrow did not blame her for that. She did not want Mama to turn her anger toward Dove. But when they left the house, Dove clung to Sparrow, holding her big sister’s hand and not letting go unless she had to.
“Are you really sick, jiejie?” Dove asked her big sister, her eyes large and wet with tears and worry.
“No,” Sparrow would say. “I’m fine. Just tired.” Then she would force a smile to her face that hoped looked reassuring but knew it probably only revealed the truth of her lies.
She was scared.
She realized too late that she should have saved some of her hidden coins to go to a doctor. It would have been a terrible waste of money, but at least the doctor could have reassured Mama that she wasn’t sick. But now she had no money and was doing a terrible job of earning more.
She wasn’t sure what to do.
As she and Dove walked toward their home one evening, they saw that the door was open, and they heard a man’s voice coming from inside. Sparrow’s heart hitched in her chest, but she forced herself to ignore it. There was a very little part of her that dreamed that one day she would come home and find Father there, waiting for her. Months before, men with red sashes had come to the house and told them that their father was dead, killed by the white devils, but the men had not brought his body.
“Throw it in the river!” Mama had screamed at the men. “He abandoned us in life. I abandon him in death. I’ll not pay for the privilege of burying him.”
Sparrow wondered if the men had been lying. Trying to get Mama to give them money when Father wasn’t really dead. But she had no reason to think he was alive. The rebellion had ended months ago, and many people had been killed. The leaders of the rebellion were punished, but the rest of the rebels who survived were allowed to return home. If Father had lived, there was no reason for him to have stayed away. He was either dead or had abandoned them forever.
When Sparrow looked into their dim hovel, she saw the man from before. The well-dressed man with the pocket watch. She froze, afraid he had returned to punish her at last for trying to steal from him. But when he saw her, he gave her a large smile and a small bow.
“Meimei!” he said, addressing her as his little sister. “Come! I have news for you.”
Sparrow glanced at Mama, who only nodded for her to obey. The man sat on the little stool and motioned for Sparrow to sit on the floor in front of him. Mama stood nearby, rocking Pheasant. Dove leaned against the far wall, watching.
“I found Lord Jun,” the man said. “And I returned the pocket watch to him. He was so grateful, he gave me a reward!” He then pulled out two small coins and offered them to her.
Sparrow felt her eyes go wide, and she looked at Mama for guidance. Mama motioned for her to take the coins, but Sparrow didn’t understand why he was offering them to her in the first place.
“Take them,” the man said, nudging his hand toward her. “It is only fair that I give you part of the reward since you told me who the watch belonged to.”
Sparrow took the coins and then offered them to Mama, who grabbed them quickly and stuffed them into her pocket.
“Thank you, shushu,” Sparrow said, her head bowed, referring to him as an uncle to show her respect.
“It had been a gift from the man’s wife, who is from a very powerful family,” the man said with a chuckle. “When it went missing, he had nearly gone crazy trying to find it. If his wife knew a whore had taken it, she would have punished him greatly.” He then laughed and slapped his knee.
“I…I didn’t want to get anyone in trouble,” Sparrow said, fearing that the man might have beaten Willow terribly if he knew she was a thief. But the man waved away her concerns.
“Whores will always lie and steal, it is what they do,” he said. “But it made me wonder if some of the other items Willow had given me were also stolen. If I could return them to their rightful owners, perhaps I can get more rewards. Even make some important connections.”
Sparrow shrugged, not sure what he wanted her to do. She looked to Mama for guidance.
“Of course, Sparrow will be willing to do whatever you need,” Mama offered.
Sparrow nodded in agreement, but inside, she was terrified. Usually, a man only offered a girl attention and money if he wanted the girl to do “bad” things—not that Sparrow knew what the bad things were.
The man seemed pleased with the answer and reached into his pocket. He produced a small ivory carving of a naked woman. Sparrow blushed when she realized what it was and looked away. The man laughed at her innocence.
“Willow gave this to me not long before she gave me the watch,” the man explained. “Can you tell me where it came from?”
Sparrow forced herself to look at the carving. It was quite detailed, with the woman in a reclining pose. Her eyes had been lined with black paint and her lips with red. She was wearing a robe that had fallen loose, revealing her breasts and nipples. She also had tiny feet with little embroidered shoes.
But as Sparrow looked at the carving, nothing happened. She shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said.
The man pressed his lips in disappointment. “Are you sure?” he asked. “Try again. Concentrate.”
Sparrow sat up on her knees and stared hard at the item. She imagined that she was Willow once again, and that she was giving the statue to this man. But still, she did not fall into a dream.
The man sighed in frustration and looked at Mama.
“Come, Sparrow,” Mama said. “Do what you did before.”
Sparrow hesitated because the last time she had a dream, it was only after she had touched the watch while it was in the man’s pocket. The man still didn’t seem to know that Sparrow had been trying to steal his watch when she had her dream. If she touched the carving and had a dream, would he then know the truth? Would he be angry?
“Here,” the man said, lowering his hand toward her. “Touch it. Maybe that will help.”
Sparrow couldn’t help but smile to herself. She reached up and laid her hand on the carving. She felt the cool, smooth lines of the woman’s body against her palm. But to her surprise, nothing happened. She looked around the room, surprised to still be in the same place.