Jack was only three when he drowned. Their family was having a picnic with a couple other families after church over at Lovers Point Beach. Caroline’s parents were talking to friends while she sat on another blanket closer to the water. She remembered Jack playing in the sand right in front of her. She took a bottle of light pink nail polish out of her bag, shook it, opened it, and began painting her toenails the color of a baby’s tongue.
When she finished and looked up, Jack was no longer in front of her.
One moment he was there. The next moment he wasn’t. It happened so quickly. One second of not paying attention, and Jack had wandered off. And that second became a couple more, until it had been who knew how many minutes. By the time they realized that Jack wasn’t with anyone, he had already sunk to the floor of the ocean. His body tossed up on the shore the next day—bloated and gray like a dead fish.
And it was all Caroline’s fault.
After Jack died, Caroline felt adrift, her feet stumbling to find their footing. Then she heard about the Skywatch club. She joined the club also as a kind of penance, even though she wasn’t Catholic. Her stepfather didn’t believe in the concept. No—he believed in a terrible, ocean-size grace. The kind you could lose yourself in.
But she found a part of herself again in the club. A part that she could control. If she couldn’t protect Jack, she could at least try her best to protect her country. She found a place to stand. And with Eleanor by her side, she wasn’t alone.
* * *
• • •
Eleanor placed her hand on Caroline’s shoulder. “I think I’m gonna go.”
“Why?” Caroline asked.
“One plane in”—she looked at her watch—“almost two hours already?”
“But,” Caroline lowered her voice. “You’re going to leave me alone with them?”
“Mom wants to teach me how to make a meringue,” Eleanor said.
“Didn’t we already learn that in Home Ec last week?” Caroline asked, distracted, her eyes still on the horizon.
“Yeah, but mine didn’t pass.”
“How is making a meringue going to be useful in our lives?” Though, even as Caroline said this, she suddenly thought of how she would love to make a meringue with her mother. In fact, she couldn’t remember the last time her mother had cooked. No, she did. It was that day. The day Jack died. She had made fried chicken and a potato salad for the picnic.
Eleanor shrugged. “You know how my mom is.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry.”
But Caroline wasn’t thinking of Eleanor’s mom. She was thinking of her own, of how she was probably sitting in the rocking chair in the living room, holding a small T-shirt that hadn’t been washed in more than a year. A shirt that would never be washed because her mother clung to the smell. At night, when her mother was finally asleep, sometimes Caroline would take the shirt, hold it up, and try to find Jack. But it only smelled of salt and dust. And sometimes guilt.
“Miss Pie Queen can’t understand why I wouldn’t want to make a meringue. Doesn’t everyone love meringue?” Eleanor imitated the soft southwestern tone of her mother’s voice. According to Eleanor, her mother had been a beauty queen in San Antonio before she had married Eleanor’s dad and come to California.
“You may miss out on something,” Caroline said, trying to get Eleanor to stay, teasing her for her belief in alien life-forms. But Caroline didn’t believe her own words. It would be dark soon. Their shift would end. Curfew would be in place. Though not that much would happen other than being given a warning if an officer were to pick them up. The country would still be safe. Caroline would go home to a quiet, lonely house where the world had already ended.
“Really?” Eleanor said.
Caroline lowered the binoculars and followed Eleanor’s gaze around the room. Oscar and Frank had their heads down, staring at the cards in their hands. Frank’s cigarette hung from the corner of his mouth. Teddy and Bunny were reading. Caroline noted how close Teddy was to her and smirked.
“Doubtful,” Eleanor said. “Look, come over to my house tomorrow morning.”
“I have to work.” Caroline didn’t want to miss out on the money her stepfather would pay her.
“Okay, then after,” Eleanor continued. “I’ll let you taste my pie.”
Caroline smiled. “All right.”
Eleanor had been Caroline’s best friend through everything that happened with Jack. She was the only one Caroline felt comfortable letting inside the house. She’d seen Caroline’s mother in the rocker and just held Caroline’s hand. Caroline loved Eleanor like a sister.
At the table, Frank threw down his deck. “I’m out of here too. Come on, Oscar.” He stood.
Oscar reached across the table and looked at Frank’s discarded cards.
“I knew it! I would have won.”
“So what.” Frank looked at his watch. “Our shift is over in twenty minutes anyway.”
“Twenty-five,” Caroline said.
“You coming, Teddy?” Frank asked, ignoring her.
But Teddy was too engrossed in the article he was reading, and shook his head. “No. I’ll stay. You guys can cut out.”
Caroline hugged Eleanor, and then Eleanor followed Frank and Oscar down the narrow wooden stairs, skipping over the broken step, third from the bottom. It was only a matter of time before someone stepped clear through it and got hurt.
Down below, Caroline heard Frank offer to give Eleanor a ride home. She heard him say something about alien pods and Eleanor laugh in agreement. Caroline rolled her eyes. She didn’t understand that guy. Most of the time he annoyed her, but every now and then he could do something decent.
“I’m okay. I’ve got my bike,” Eleanor said.
“Suit yourself,” said Frank. He and Oscar hopped into the small blue Ford that Oscar had fixed up earlier this year. Oscar was a whiz with cars, would probably own his own shop one day. Caroline noted the crooked display of the rear license plate as Frank peeled out of the dirt and onto the road.
Eleanor got on her bike and glanced up at the tower.
“Call me later?” Caroline said.
Eleanor nodded. “Bye!”
Caroline watched as her friend pedaled away, suddenly sad to see her go. And Eleanor, riding quickly, didn’t think to look back. Caroline stood there, eyes on Eleanor, until she turned right and out of view. Then she picked up the binoculars and returned her attention to the skies.
3