When I fell in love for the first time, my lyrics turned flowery, corny, full of hope. But when he broke my heart, they grew jaded, angsty, and sad.
And now? I’m in the one place I’ve wanted to be for so long, inspiration surrounding me, yet the words don’t come. Go fucking figure.
Maybe it’s all the pressure I put on myself. The need I feel to write about this new journey I’m on. Maybe I should forget writing about a specific thing and just simply write.
I don’t know, but something needs to change. Not writing is making me anxious.
“Let’s go. I’ll show you.” Mable stands and pulls me by the hand.
“Now?” I tap my phone to check the time. 9:34 p.m. “It’s late, and I have an early class in the morning.”
“On a Friday? How early?” She lets go of my hand and folds her arms across her chest.
“Seven thirty.” Ugh, really, what was I thinking?
“Why in the hell would you do that to yourself? I can barely make it to a ten o’clock class on time.”
“It was my only choice for Lyrical Wonders. I’m actually really excited to take that class, and it’s required. But yeah, the time sucks.”
“Damn girl. Okay, I’ll give you a pass tonight. But tomorrow, before we hit up any parties, I’m showing you this place.”
“What would I ever do without you?” I bat my eyelashes at her.
“Nothing. That’s what.” Mable rolls her eyes, and we both dissolve into a fit of giggles.
Chapter Two
Levi
“No trouble this year, you hear me, Son?” My dad walks me to the door, but I’d rather he stayed in his recliner glued to the TV in the living room. His favorite fucking spot. Where he could ignore everything around him.
Including his kids.
I really want to ask why he cares, but instead, I say nothing. There were a couple of fights last year—one that even ended with me in jail—but nothing catastrophic.
Dan Reed wants no trouble from anywhere. He wants to stay in the house, in his little bubble where his wife didn’t die and his life is still blissfully perfect with a perfect job and family.
Unfortunately, that’s not his reality, and he can’t handle it. Instead, he spends his days and nights doing nothing while barely functioning. I’ve tried to help him, but he only grows angrier.
“You’ll be home for Thanksgiving, right?” Hearing my dad’s small and weak voice, I can’t help the pull in my stomach. We used to be so close.
We used to be…
I push the thoughts out of mind and focus on getting back to school. The only place I feel alive.
Can’t fuck this year up. No repeats.
“I don’t know yet, maybe. Bye, Dad, take care of yourself.”
He nods. “Bye, Son.”
Trey appears behind him in the doorway. I reach out for him and crush him against my chest. My little brother. Still so young yet forever changed.
Our relationship may suck right now, but guilt eats me alive, knowing I’m leaving him here alone.
“You need anything, just call me, alright?” I pat him on the back and pull away. He looks up at me, but I look away, not able to stand the pain in his eyes.
The same pain in my own.
“Please come home for Thanksgiving. It blows here,” Trey says.
I wince in anticipation of my dad’s response, knowing that comment must’ve hurt.
Trey’s right. It fucking sucks. I wish I could take him with me.
“Keep your head up. I’ll see you soon.” I pat Trey’s shoulder before calling out, “Bye, Dad.”
When the door shuts behind me, something around me shifts. Relief maybe? Or guilt?
That same raw guilt that won’t leave.
I work it away, fuck it away, party it away only to find it still there. Ready and waiting.
Pain is right behind it.
Beep! Beep!
The noise jolts me from my thoughts, and I look up to see Drew half hanging out the window. “Let’s go, bro. We’re gonna hit mad traffic into the city.”
Drew’s my guy from high school. We both fell in love with New York City the day we stepped off the bus on a school field trip. I could see our futures lining up there, one step away from a big music label.
If I still even have the chance…
Our high school band didn’t break up on a good note. I fucked shit up by causing fights, but it’s not my fault one of our band members turned into a douche our senior year. He deserved every punch and then some, even if the police didn’t think so.
Though I managed to pass somehow, my freshman year was a waste. Between parties, girls, and more fights, school wasn’t important. But now, in my sophomore year, I need to get my shit together. Mom’s not coming back.
She wouldn’t want me to throw everything away. Everything I worked so hard for. Everything we worked so hard for.
It’s time to hit the books and find a band. I miss playing gigs and the excitement of shows.
Screaming fans and blinding lights.
Sweat pouring down my face as I sing the words and strum the guitar.
A high unlike any other and only from singing a show.
But even more important—my lyrics. My words. That’s when music became a part of me. A part of my soul.
Now, they’re gone.
My muse is gone.
“Earth to Levi. What the fuck, man? You ready?”
I look up at a frantic Drew waving his arms wildly out his window. Rolling my eyes, I hurry to his Jeep, the new black paint job glistening in the warm sun. “Yeah,” I mutter as I toss my duffel bag into the back seat.
“You sound so fucking excited.” Drew drives off, pulling a blunt from behind his ear and lighting it.
The sweet smell fills my nose, and I realize how much I’ve missed this shit.
“I’m tryin’, man. Summer was rough.”
Drew nods. “New year, new start. And guess who I heard from?” He inhales before passing the blunt to me. “Fucking Brandon.”
“Brandon?”
“Yeah, Brandon, you know, the Brandon Semos from LYT Records?”
The name now dawns on me. “Shit. What’d he say?”
“He’s putting on tryouts for a band. A band he wants to put together.”
“Holy shit.” A jolt runs through me. Is it excitement? Anxiety? I don’t fucking know. I can’t name a single damn emotion anymore.
“Yeah, holy shit, man. Fuck. He wants us to try out. I sent him a tape of the last gig we played before the band broke up. He fucking loved it.”
“What? This is fucking unreal.”
“I know. It’s what we’ve been waiting for, Levi. It couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s time to buckle down and hustle. Partying is over.”
“There’s always time to party.”
Drew shoots me a look. Don’t get me wrong, he loves to party too. He just knows when to stop.
Unlike someone else…
But like Drew said, it’s a new year. A new start. Amazing opportunities.
I need to find the Levi who died along with my mother. The Levi I was in high school.
He’s gonna make it big. Nothing will stop him.
Nothing will stop me.