“Yes, if you put it that way, it does seem wrong. But there are clubs that don’t accept Jews either. It’s always been that way,” her father explained calmly.
“That doesn’t make it right. And buildings where they can’t buy apartments. What about this one? Can Jews buy apartments in our building?” She wasn’t letting up, much to her parents’ dismay. She was asking pertinent questions.
“I have no idea,” he said, looking uncomfortable. In fact he did know, and they couldn’t buy in the building, but that had no bearing on whether Meredith made her debut or not. It was important to Janet, and to both of them, that she do it. It was a tradition they followed and believed in. And he didn’t want to lose that argument over whether or not Jews could buy apartments in their building.
“You seem to have gotten very political since you went away to school, Meredith. Who’ve you been talking to?”
“Claudia, my best friend at school, is Jewish. She’s German. Her whole family died in Auschwitz, and she survived. She was adopted by an American family after the war. You met her when you visitedme.”
He was silent for a moment, faced with the memories Meredith had revived, and visions he would never forget. “That’s a terrible thing, Merrie. I can’t disagree with that. But coming out is an old tradition. And the cotillion is a very old club, of old New York families. One day, there probably will be Jewish debutantes presented. But that hasn’t happened yet, and this is important to us. I’d like you to put your political principles aside on this and do it, to make your mother happy. It’s not a lot to ask.”
He tried to reason with her and remain gentle about it, and his wife looked at him gratefully. She had no idea what she’d say to her friends if her daughter didn’t come out. There was no possible excuse. They would be a laughingstock, or a pariah, if people knew the truth, that Merrie had refused.
“It is a lot to ask. You’re asking me to forget my principles for a night, for a party. That’s not right.”
“I’m asking you to do it for your parents, for us. Even your very liberal Democratic grandfather would like to be there and see you come out. He’s still part of the Establishment too. And he goes to the cotillion every year. He’ll be disappointed not to see you there, and so will we.”
Meredith was quiet for a long moment and looked at her mother, with tears in her eyes. Meredith could see it really was important to her, and with a heavy heart, feeling as though she had betrayed everything she believed in, Meredith stood up and stared at them both.
“All right. I’ll do it this time. But don’t ever ask me again to violate what I believe in. I’m doing it for you, but I won’t do it again. I have to stand for what I believe in. I won’t sacrifice my integrity even for you.” It was a major declaration at eighteen. Her father nodded agreement, and she left the table without saying another word. A moment later, they heard her door close firmly, as Robert let out a sigh and glanced at his wife.
“This is all my father’s fault, and the liberal ideas he gives her about fighting for causes. She’s too young and impressionable for that. He’s going to turn her into a revolutionary if he’s not careful, and he’d probably be pleased.”
“Thank you” was all Janet could muster, deeply grateful that they weren’t going to be publicly humiliated by Meredith refusing to come out. And she cleared the table, thinking about the dress they would buy the next day.
Chapter Four
On Saturday morning, Meredith and her mother took a taxi to Bergdorf Goodman and went to the bridal department, where the debutante dresses were sold. Janet was planning to make a day of it, and visit all the department stores with bridal departments before picking the dress they liked best. It felt like a dress rehearsal for a wedding to Meredith.
She chose the second dress they showed her at Bergdorf’s. It was simple and understated, not too low cut, as was proper, with a big bell skirt and a small waist. It was white taffeta with little cap sleeves, and it looked beautiful on her. Janet would have preferred something a little more elaborate with beading or lace or embroidery, or a sash at the waist, but the one Meredith had picked was striking in its simplicity, and with her dark hair swept up she looked like Snow White in it. She was going to be a beautiful debutante whether she approved of the event or not. Not all the girls who came out were beautiful. Many were heavy, had bad skin, or were unattractive, but it was their night too and it had a Cinderella quality to it for all the girls.
They went to the shoe department next and chose high-heeled white satin shoes, and long white kid gloves in the glove department. Her outfit was complete by one o’clock. She didn’t even need the dress fitted. It was perfect and looked like it had been made for her. Even the length was right when they went back and tried the shoes with it. Janet was enormously relieved, and they went across the street to the Plaza for lunch afterward in the Palm Court, and by three o’clock they were home. Her mother had rattled on all through lunch about the dress and the event, and spoke of little else.
Janet had reminisced about her own experiences at Vassar too, and Meredith told her about the mixer she’d gone to at West Point. In answer to her mother’s questions about whether she’d met any cadets she liked particularly, she said she hadn’t. Janet admitted to having a beau there for a few months early in her freshman year. She had been swayed more by the uniform than the man. And then she had met Robert. Her grandparents had given a ball for her, and she had come out at the cotillion too, for good measure. Robert and his best friend had been escorts at the cotillion, and she said it had been love at first sight. They had gotten engaged six months later, and married three years after, when she graduated from Vassar. Robert had just finished law school then and joined his father’s law firm. Meredith was born three years later.
Like most women of her generation, Janet’s course had been set early on, and never wavered. And she was still happy with Robert more than twenty years later. She had never questioned her path or her decisions. She had done what was expected of her all her life and had no regrets, and neither did Robert. She was forty-five years old, but she appeared older, as did Robert at forty-nine. She had a matronly style that suited her, and a conservative attitude. She never challenged her beliefs, or his, and even going to Germany with him for four years had seemed like the right thing for a good wife to do, and she had enjoyed it. Robert made all her decisions, which was comfortable for her, and what she expected, and so did he. She never challenged his wisdom or authority over her.
Meredith loved her parents, but she couldn’t imagine choosing a man at eighteen and living a life based on what her parents expected of her, without questioning all of it or making decisions of her own. Her grandfather was the only renegade among them, and was frequently criticized for it and thought to be eccentric, although his own wife followed him without question too. His willingness to confront everything and swim against the currents had taken him to great places, and had served him and the country well. He was the model Meredith would have preferred to follow, but women didn’t do that or have the opportunities men did, unless they were willing to become total outcasts, which Meredith didn’t aspire to either.