The Do-Over(4)
Author: Suzanne Park
She chuckled. “Your new job. I see you talk about on the Instant Grams.”
I clicked over to my Instagram account. Sure enough, a couple of weeks ago I had teased that I was looking for a career change and things were going well with my job interviews. I shared an old video of me on a basketball court, making an effortless shot from the three-point line. After my Swain & Wallace interviews, I took a photo of me in my interview suit in front of the company’s high-rise building in Midtown and uploaded it too. Maybe I should have deleted that.
“Last time you tell me your interviews were good. I tell all our church friends that you working at big global business soon and also writing new book! They ask if your company have office in Seoul, and I checked internet, and tell them yes!” she chirped.
My stomach sank. How could I tell my mom the truth now? If I did, she would worry herself sick about my finances, and be horribly shamed when people in the church community asked about my job or my possibly never-forthcoming book.
But was this an opportunity to unshackle and free myself from the burden of being a people pleaser, especially to my parents? Because of our money problems growing up, my whole adult life I tried to be fiscally independent. I took a job with a good salary and decent health insurance to compensate for my parents’ past financial hardship, just so they wouldn’t worry about me. I attained academic success, or so I thought, and used the Carlthorpe name for networking purposes and to buoy my job candidacy. Then I took a risk by doing what I had always wanted to do: I quit the corporate grind to go out on my own. All along the way, nonstop, crippling guilt plagued me, because my parents gave up their lives and their own professional dreams in Korea so my sister and I could have a better future, and I was risking it all by choosing a more entrepreneurial path.
And look where I was now.
Tears that Umma couldn’t see flowed down my cheeks, as she expressed her own gesture of pride by offering me a top sirloin steak at her favorite chain restaurant. This was a big deal for her, so I made the decision to keep my secret close to my chest instead of admitting the truth, hoping this choice wouldn’t be one I would regret later.
“Can I get a raincheck on dinner? I’m going to be busy the next few months,” I explained vaguely.
Confusion clouded her voice. “You starting job right away?”
I swallowed hard. “Not exactly. I’m starting a new job after four months.” Not untrue. I would be starting some kind of job at some point after four months. “In the meantime, I’m going to take some classes to help educate me for my new job. Digital marketing and the tech landscape have changed so much. I thought by taking some special classes offered at Carlthorpe I could get ahead at work—maybe it could mean more money down the road.” Swain & Wallace’s HR lead told me that once I cleared the background check they would reconsider me for the position, if it was still available. It wasn’t a guarantee, but I needed to do everything within my power to get that job back.
Perhaps suspecting something, she questioned, “Are you sure nothing is wrong?”
She was older now and retired, and over time we’d bickered less, mainly because I’d found ways to distance myself from my parents when they were causing stress. These were her golden years. I didn’t want to burden her with any of this.
I replied confidently, “Geokjeong haji maseyo.” Don’t worry, Umma. It’ll be okay.
“Algesseo. In four months, then I promise steak dinner!”
I smiled. In four months I would have my degree. My life would go back the way it was. And then there would be plenty of reason to celebrate.
Chapter Three
On my last day in New York City, I choked on my iced coffee while reading an article in Publishers Digest. My drink had gone down my windpipe into my lungs, triggering a choking and gagging reflex. It would have been far more preferable if I had been at home, but no, I happened to be at Café LaLa, where my coughs were met with long, harsh stares by other judgy patrons who peered at me over their aviators and trendy, round plastic frames. C’mon, like none of you have ever sucked a drink into your breathing tube instead of your food and drink pipe?
Eyes all around me rolled in unison. Geez, I know I’m fucking up the ambiance and aesthetic of this place, but still. I’m having a bad day, people.
“You okay? Am I supposed to pat your back? Or would that make things worse? Is the coffee that shitty? For these prices, it better not be.” Mia closed her laptop and leaned forward. “Please don’t make me do mouth-to-mouth.”
I laughed. And coughed.
She examined my face. “Okay, laughing is good. That means no Heimlich maneuver.”
Mia always knew how to make things a little better, even when my life was swirling down the drain. She’d been my rock since the first days of college, and somehow over all the years she still stuck by my side. And I stuck by hers.
“Look.” Cough.
“At.” Cough.
“This.” Cough.
I handed her my phone and her eyes bugged as she scrolled the article. “Hey! They make you sound like you have your shit together. It’s all pretty good actually,” she chirped, then paused. “Well, okay, until the end part.”
I took the phone back and read the article a second time.
PUBLISHERS DIGEST EXCLUSIVE
CRACKING THE GLASS CEILING
Lily Lee, former communications executive, now business strategy consultant and author, didn’t expect to write a book about women reaching greater heights in the business world and obtaining career satisfaction.
But when Lee made the Forbes 30 Under 30 list a few years ago and was asked to speak at alumni and professional events across the country about her career success, she realized that many young women wanted advice on job promotions, presenting themselves in the workplace, and how to seize opportunities. This led to writing her highly praised business book for women, now consistently topping the self-help and business charts. Her first book in the series, HOW TO BE A WORK SUPERNOVA, was recently named a Best Business Book of the Year by The Washington Post and The Wall Street Journal. Over the years, Lee has learned that people want to read grassroots success stories like hers, and young women all over the country are trusting her authentic business and career advice. Lee has big-name endorsements too: Suze Orman, Sheryl Sandberg, and Shonda Rhimes have all expressed love for her work.
When she was in her early twenties, Lee was promoted into a senior role, putting her on the fast track. “My boss had abruptly left the company, and I was the only one who knew how to do his job. Sure, on paper there were so many people who had more seniority at the company . . . but I had great relationships with my teammates and with our clients, and I had the industry knowledge that other people didn’t. I put in the work, combing through trend reports, going to trade shows, and reading everything on the cloud drive I could get my hands on my first few weeks of employment. Because of this, I was able to influence people to get things done, and soon I was able to move up the ranks quickly.”