I wanted to believe that look meant something, but I’d officially given up hope that he’d ever truly care for me. It was time for me to make a choice. I could keep holding on and hope that he’d finally come around or I could just let go and move on.
Letting go seemed like the most logical answer, but it wouldn’t be easy—Wyatt would make sure of that.
CHAPTER 2
Bones
My head was pounding, and I had a terrible case of cotton mouth. I drank too much at the club’s New Year’s Eve party—which was unusual for me. I rarely touched the stuff. I liked how it made me feel. I liked it a lot. I worried I might end up liking it too much, so I usually did my best to steer clear of the stuff. Drugs, too. But it was New Year’s Eve, and the guys were insistent that I stay and party with them.
I agreed, and it wasn’t long before I had a beer in my hand. I might’ve stopped with the one, but then I spotted Elsie tucked away in a corner talking to Hayes. I knew they were just friends but seeing her laughing and bantering with him got under my skin. I had no right to be so bothered. The brothers might’ve known how I felt about Elsie, but they also knew I hadn’t done anything about it.
I hadn’t pursued my feelings for her.
I hadn’t even tried to claim her.
Simply put—she wasn’t mine.
Hayes or any other Joe Blow could stake their claim, and I’d be left out in the fucking cold. And yet, I didn’t go over and talk to her at the party. I didn’t tell her that she consumed my every thought. Instead, I sat there at the bar with Rooster and Torch and tried to act like I was completely unphased as I drank my weight in booze. It was a decision I would come to regret—not just because of Elsie and Hayes, but because of my massive hangover.
I was struggling.
After I got dressed, I made my way to the kitchen.
When I walked in, several of the guys were sitting at the table eating breakfast, and from the looks of it, they were struggling, too. They were all busy grumbling under their breaths, complaining about their rough morning, so I didn’t bother greeting them. Instead, I walked straight over to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of ibuprofen. I got a couple and tossed them back, praying it wouldn’t be long before they started to kick in.
Once I’d returned the bottle, I went over to the stove, and as I made myself a plate of food, I heard Q say, “Damn, Diesel. You look like hell.”
“I feel like hell, too. My head feels like someone is stabbing me in the skull with a dull butter knife, and I’m pretty sure a cat shit in my mouth. Somebody needs to put a fucking bullet in my head.” I took my plate over to the table and sat down next to Diesel, listening as he continued, “I can't believe I drank so much last night.”
“Hell, it was New Year’s Eve.” Q chuckled. “We all got a little carried away.”
“Carried away is an understatement. I acted a damn fool.” Diesel turned a bit green as he asked, “Who was the wise-ass who brought the Mad Dog 20/20?”
“Pretty sure that was Chains.”
“Well, he needs his fucking ass kicked.” Diesel shook his head as he complained, “I haven’t had that nasty shit since I was in my fucking teens, and I couldn’t get my hands on anything else.”
“You certainly seemed to be enjoying it last night.” Q chuckled as he turned to me and said, “Bones did, too.”
“Enjoy is not the term I’d use.” I grimaced as I remembered the stout taste of soured berries and alcohol. “Not that it mattered. By the time we cracked open the second bottle, I didn’t care what the fuck it tasted like.”
“Me neither. That’s why I’m in the shape I’m in now.” Diesel took a long drink of his water, then looked at me and scowled. “How come you don’t look like death warmed over?”
“That’s just because I’m better looking than you.”
“Um-hmm. Whatever you say, boss.”
“I still feel like shit.” I ran my hand through my disheveled hair. “Don’t think I’ll be drinking again for a while.”
“I second that,” Diesel grumbled.
“Are you three done belly aching?” Savage asked as he sat down with a huff. “Cause we got other things to discuss.”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know. How about why the hell has it been so fucking quiet for the past three weeks?” Savage’s brows furrowed with anger as he snarled, “These assholes highjacked our server, kidnapped, and beat the fuck out of Q and Rooster, and then just gave up? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“No, it doesn’t,” Cotton agreed.
Like the rest of us, our president had been biting at the bit to figure out who’d been fucking with us. Big and I had been doing what we could to track them down, but sadly, they’d come and gone without a trace, and we were all left wondering when they’d be back—because there was no doubt that they’d be back.
Savage turned to his father as he said, “Is it just me, or do you have a bad feeling that something’s coming?”
“It’s not just you, son,” Cotton answered. “We all took a moment to catch our breaths and bring in the new year, but now, it’s time to get our heads back in the game and prepare for what lies ahead.”
“That’s just it.” Savage looked Cotton dead in the eye. “We don’t know what lies ahead, and that’s something we’ve never faced before.”
“We’ve faced it before, son. Just not in your time.” He placed his hand on Savage’s shoulder as he assured him, “We got through it then, and we’ll get through it now.”
“How we gonna do that when we don’t even know who’s been fucking with us?”
“We stay vigilant. Keep our eyes and ears open and stay prepared for anything.”
As I sat there listening to my brothers talk about the steps we needed to take, I thought about how much my life had changed since I was a kid. There was a time when I wouldn’t have been included in such a conversation—not because I wasn’t capable of handling such a heavy topic. I was. But the people in my life didn’t seem to think so. They were too focused on what was “wrong” with me to ever notice what was right.