“Why are you acting this way, Honor? Is it because of what happened?”
Honor froze with the glass halfway to her lips. “What?”
“The attack. It messed with all of us. You know we can get you some help.”
Honor blinked at the phone. God, if the explosion was her only problem. “I can’t sleep.” She blurted the words out, and it was true. Unless she was totally blotto—then she could fall asleep. Staying asleep or not having nightmares wasn’t guaranteed, even if she was three sheets to the wind.
“We can help you with that. I can send someone to bring you home,” Jewell offered her help again.
Honor huffed and reached for the vodka bottle, stopping with it halfway to her glass. She admitted, almost to herself, “The explosion isn’t the only thing, Jewell. I’m so fucked.” She poured another inch of vodka into her glass. “So fuckedy-fucked.” It wasn’t funny, but she laughed anyway. “I should have died in that explosion. I should’ve been killed. I should be in one of those graves.” It would have been poetic justice, wouldn’t it?
“Why would you say something like that? Honor, coming back to Guardian will help no matter how bad things seem. We have counselors, people who can help.”
“Help?” Honor shook her head. “You have no idea what I’m talking about. How can you help?”
“I would know if you opened up to me. Come back. No matter what thoughts are running around inside, Guardian will help you bring everything into the light where you can look at it. I’ve had help. I’ve been where you are, Honor.”
“No, you’ve never been where I am.” She looked at her main computer. Such a stupid mistake from an impressionable young girl. God, she’d aged a lifetime in the years since that incident. But her past had found her, hadn’t it? She shook her head. Jewell wasn’t like her. Jewell was confident and beautiful and had a husband who adored her. Honor had nothing. Less than nothing. God, she’d tried so damn hard to make up for the mistake she’d made all those years ago, but just as she knew it would, her past had circled around to snap her in the ass. If she went back to Guardian … Wait … Honor blinked and grabbed for the phone that was more than a little fuzzy. Suppose she told them who and when, well, no … who and why, not when … but if they knew, she’d be in jail. A person could go to jail for what she did …
Maybe she could sleep in a cell. A cell sounded good right then. Iron bars kept people out. No computers, no problems. Damn. No alcohol. That could be a problem. She took another drink and rolled her head toward the phone. “Can I tell you something, Jewell, something you might not know about me?”
“Is it that you’re drinking vodka?”
Honor blinked at the phone and then looked up at her secondary computer. The green light on the camera was illuminated. She leaned back and stared at the blank screen. “Didn’t take you long.”
“Once I had a fix on your cell, it was child’s play.” Jewell chuckled. “You know that.”
“Hmmm …” She did know that. She lifted the vodka bottle straight to her lips and took a long swig. “That’s not what I wanted to tell you.” Her face was feeling numb. Oh, that was good. Numb came before sleep. Sleep, she so wanted to sleep.
“Honor?”
She blinked up and looked at the computer. It was wavering back and forth a bit. “Huh?”
“What did you want to tell me?” Jewell asked.
Honor frowned. “What?” She looked at her phone again. What had she wanted to tell Jewell? She couldn’t remember. “You sound close.”
“Nope, far away. My new office is the best.”
“Not ever going back to an office building.” Honor hugged the bottle of vodka and lay down, talking into the couch's cushion. Maybe she could sleep for a little bit.
“I didn’t understand that.” Jewell’s voice was getting farther away. “Can I send someone to get you?”
Honor lifted her head a bit to talk. “Said, never going back to a building. Office. Why do you care?” Even to her ears, her words were slurred. So damn tired. She reached over and closed the laptop, stopping the video feed to Jewell.
“Because you’re my friend,” Jewell replied. “I don’t have many left. I know you’re hurting. Let me help you.”
Honor closed her eyes and turned her head, so she wasn’t talking into the sofa any longer. “You won’t like me when you know.” Honor shook her head, but it made her dizzy, so she stopped. She was responsible for all of it. How could she go back?
“I’ll always like you, Honor. I’m sending someone to pick you up and take you somewhere you can get help. Okay?”
Honor sighed. What had Jewell said? Something about help. She could help Jewell in the morning.
“Okay.”
“You said okay?”
Did she? She didn’t know. But she nodded and agreed again because she’d always liked Jewell. “Yeah, okay. Night.” Honor closed her eyes and let the darkness take over.
Jewell leaned back in her chair. The office inside her mountain was warm and built to her exact specifications. She pushed the floor with her toe and spun around to her husband, who was watching her. “She’s going to kill herself drinking like that.”
“You can’t save those who don’t want to be saved, Jewell.”
“She said yes.”
“She was almost passed out,” Zane reminded her.
“Well, true, but I have consent, and I recorded it.” Jewell slid out of her chair and went over to sit on her husband’s lap. He wrapped his big arms around her, and she leaned into him. “Whatever happened to her is a result of that damn explosion. She was one of the few who got out of the auditorium.”
“She has a problem. It could be a long time before she can work again.”
“I don’t care. She deserves a chance and some help.” Jewell sighed. “She’s like me, you know. Awkward.”
“You aren’t awkward. You process things differently, that’s all.” Zane kissed her on the temple.
“You see that and explain the world to me. Who does it for Honor?” Jewell looked up at him. “We need to send someone to take her to get help.”
Zane nodded. “We have our Thursday staff meeting in three minutes. We’ll bring it up then, but you were going to do that anyway.”
Nobody wanted Friday staff meetings anymore, so Jason moved the weekly meeting to Thursday. Jewell smiled at her husband. “Yeah. I was.”
“I figured. You need to get the call started.” He kissed her and sighed when she slipped off his lap to start the secure conference. “Have you found any changes you want to make to the office setup? I’m running into town on Saturday.”
Jewell pulled a pencil from her messy bun and shook her head as she gazed around at the state-of-the-art system installed in their new home. “No. Everything I need is right here in front of me.”
“Everything?” Zane asked from behind her.
Jewell stopped and looked at the equipment that surrounded her. “Ah …”
Zane dropped a kiss on top of her head. She looked up at him, and realization dawned on her. “Everything except you.”