“Understood, Catseye Tianlan.” One of the men looked uncertain. “But Lady Gracea won’t be happy about this.”
“Lady Gracea manages the Spire for Her Holiness, but I’ll be guarding the goddesses from now on. Tell the Starmaker she is free to take the matter up with me at her next visit.” I knew Gracea wouldn’t like it, but had I a habit of admitting truths to myself, I would say the opportunity to tweak her nose was partly why I did it. Instructions given, I began my climb up the spiraling tower just as the rains began.
From my vantage point, I had a good view of the chaotic sea that the city overlooked. Wind-tossed waves the size of small ships fought one another for supremacy, while lightning flashed somewhere in the distance, accompanied by the rolling of thunder. The seas were wine-dark, the color of bitter dregs lingering at the bottom of a tavern keg. They surrounded Aranth on three of its four sides, whipping higher with every passing month. Had we settled farther east, nearer to the Great Abyss, the city would be vulnerable to the strange unearthly creatures corrupted by the breach; farther west, and no one would have survived the freezing temperatures. There was no escape from the endless cycle of night.
Directly below us were the man-made ice floes surrounding the city; waves frozen in motion, a glacial ice wall that stopped seawater from flooding in. The constant tsunamis crashed uselessly against these walls, kept successfully at bay. But already I could see faint cracks in the glittering ice as water trickled through.
Winter had traveled closer this year than it had the previous one; I could make out the glittering caps of ice on the horizon, creeping toward the city. The goddesses will have a harder time of it tomorrow, completing the Banishing. Past the ice was a mantle of impenetrable darkness that leached away all illumination, held at bay—barely—by the city’s meager lights. Nobody knew what lay in wait beyond it, and nobody wanted to find out.
For a brief moment, in the spaces between the howling wind and the unending downpour, I thought I saw a shadow rise. It was a deeper color than even the darkest of Aranth’s nights, and taller than even the Spire.
No. No no no no no no . . .
I drew my sword and pointed its tip at the darkness, unable to steady it. I was shaking.
It was here.
I stood rooted to the spot, petrified, remembering. The screaming. The dying. Catseye Madi, ripped apart by clawed beings that crept out from the bowels of the world, summoned by that terrible shadow. Stormbringer Cecily, drowning in a pool of her own blood. And Nuala. Good Mother, Nuala. My team, lost in that swirl of death and darkness.
How could something so massive get past the perimeter, past the guards—
Choose your sacrifice, Catseye.
No!
I blinked again, and it was gone.
Not real. It’s not real, Lan. Just like the other dozen times you’ve imagined this. Stop thinking. Stop thinking about—
Nuala’s screaming face, her terrified gaze locked onto mine as misshapen hands snatched her away—
Stop thinking about it! My skin broke out in a cold sweat, and my hands shook. Stop thinking, Lan!
Catseye Sumiko had done her best to stopper my recollections of that ill-fated excursion into the wildlands, but the mind was trickier to cure than the body, and they bubbled back up to the surface at unexpected times.
She wanted me to talk about it. Dedicated sessions would help me come to terms with my trauma, my shock—my guilt. Everything I’d managed to suppress since returning.
I refused.
I was better off forgetting.
My sanity demanded it.
We were the first team to enter those wildlands, tasked with finding the Abyss.
I wanted us to be the last.
Asteria had reassigned me to guard duty soon after. Which brought me here to the Spire.
You’re alive, aren’t you? Be grateful and keep moving. You can’t stay weak when you’re supposed to be protecting them.
I meditated briefly, focusing on the sea before me. I imagined myself rolling with the waves until I felt myself relaxing, until I remembered not to worry about the things beyond my control. I inhaled and exhaled noisily until the anxiety passed, until my legs started working again and my breathing didn’t sound like a panic attack. All good, I thought, feeling my heartbeat return to its normal pace. I sheathed my sword, ignoring my clammy palms. All good.
All good.
The inside of the tower was spacious, warmer than it looked on the outside, and by then I had left most of my panic at the door. Noelle was waiting for me with a mug of tea in one hand and a dry towel in the other, because Noe was better at her job than I ever was at mine.
“Are they still up?” I peeled off my cowl and discarded my cloak, pretending everything was fine, like I hadn’t been hallucinating monsters on the way here. Noe took them, hung the dripping garments where they wouldn’t cause a mess. I rubbed my hands and breathed noisily against them, willing heat back into my chilled fingers.
“I’m afraid so.” There was a note of disapproval in her voice.
I sighed. “Not my fault I’m late. Someone tried to skewer me near Wisham’s.”
“Most imprudent timing, milady. Her Serene Highness will not be pleased.”
“It isn’t my fault someone wanted to knife me.”
“Two weeks ago, you said Lord Selk was too dirty to even be spat on, and he—”
“It isn’t my fault someone wanted to knife me this time. And have you smelled Selk? Water drowning us on all sides and he can’t spare a bath before meeting his liege? Why do you always think everything’s my fault?”
“Stabbings have never slowed you down before.”
“You’re a cruel woman, Noe. No consideration at all for my well-being.” I accepted the tea and gulped it down noisily, warmth blooming down my insides.
“As you say, milady. Shall I let Her Holiness know you’ve arrived?”
“I’ve kept them waiting long enough. And stop calling me milady. You don’t call me that on your days off.”
“This is not my day off, milady.”
I had to grin at that. “I missed you too, Noe. It’s been a while.”
“Three months, to be more precise.” Noelle’s expression was deadpan as always, but the warmth in her tone told me everything else. “Try not to stay away for too long next time, milady.”
I winced. “They’re not mad I’m late, are they?” Asteria wasn’t draconian about punctuality, but she’s not the type of person you want to keep waiting. And Blessed Mother, I hadn’t even met the daughter yet. Not exactly the best start to a relationship.
“I’m sure you’ll find a good explanation for them. You’d best be going, milady.” Noelle was the tower’s redheaded steward, a no-nonsense woman with clear blue eyes unringed by gates, making her rise all the more extraordinary. She occasionally condescended to have a drink with me in one of the chintzy tea shops that passed for culture in the city; Noelle’s mother had once been a genteel woman of sorts, a lady attendant to some powerful noblewoman back when the world still sanely spun, and the teahouses reminded us of better days.
Noelle’s job was to be a glorified domestic, which I found hilarious at first because she was fond of spiders. But we’d fought off gangs and run cons back when we were street rats without a future, and I knew she would have no qualms about doing some stabbing herself if needed—would probably know the appropriate dinner knife to use, too.